red flags everywhere or am I crazy? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:23 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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She said she lied to me to save herself from me cuz I'm so jealous.
I found her story plausible until she pulled this card.

Trust your gut. Something stinks.

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post #17 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:35 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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She is a very sweet, kind, and nice person. She does try to make everyone happy.
Yes but she also acts like a bimbo with no boundaries. She showed you that before the two of you even married. I would have dumped her when I saw her grinding on the guy at the nightclub.

You get what you pay for my friend.
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post #18 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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I'm betting this is the case because she pushed him into therapy to convince him of her story and then got super nervous right before therapy. Someone who is telling the truth doesn't get nervous right before they have to talk about it with a neutral third party. She's probably doing the same thing by telling him what he wants to hear and then worrying about how she's going to pass when it actually happens or just convincing him it's wrong if she fails. She's tried to convince him and manipulate him over all sorts of things up until now so why would she suddenly do anything differently?
NOT TRUE. I have horrible anxiety and I get nervous before talking to my therapist ALONE. Just today I went to lunch with some coworkers. Nothing important to be talked about, Ive known all of these people for years and sitting with them to eat was making my anxiety go through the roof. There were 7 of us total and Im comfortable with each one of these people.

Im not saying this entire story is above board because I have some doubts. But you also have proof she told her friend he was creepy. Usually once a woman calls a man creepy, she doesnt magically want to sleep with him later on.

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #19 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

I think this was a front so her friend doesn't suspect anything she still talked to his creepy ass..and had him come to our house.

She said people can change and not be creepy anymore.....that blew my F***ing mind!

She also offered that we should change her phone number

She deletes text messages like crazy too

Last edited by youaremetoo; 03-08-2017 at 03:47 PM.
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post #20 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:43 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

Does sound like the OM is a creeper. I'm believing nothing occurred more then a boss looking to get himself fired yet again for sexual advances on the job. OM targeted OP W. However, W should have cut all ties after OM was fired from the job.

Why is the boss on your W FB page?

You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #21 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:46 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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NOT TRUE. I have horrible anxiety and I get nervous before talking to my therapist ALONE. Just today I went to lunch with some coworkers. Nothing important to be talked about, I’ve known all of these people for years and sitting with them to eat was making my anxiety go through the roof. There were 7 of us total and I’m comfortable with each one of these people.
Anxiety is a special case in which this doesn't apply. For people without anxiety though, nervousness tends to be a sign of dishonesty. It's up to youaremetoo to determine if she is a naturally anxious person so it is worth considering.

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I’m not saying this entire story is above board because I have some doubts. But you also have proof she told her friend he was creepy. Usually once a woman calls a man creepy, she doesn’t magically want to sleep with him later on.
Here's the thing - she had multiple friends call this guy a creep and family members. She blocked him on FB at her friend's insistence but kept texting him and talking to him on her phone. Every scenario in which she claimed he just showed up or talked to her, the phone records show that she reached out to him first. So if she thought he was creepy and he was stalking her, why in the world would she text or call him after he left her alone for lengthy periods of time? She wouldn't. People don't randomly reach out and check up on creeps who stalk them for funsies. They ghost them, block them, stop feeding into it, and at worst get other people involved to get them to back off like their husband or the police. She did it because at a minimum she liked the attention he gave her despite a whole chorus of people in her life telling her not to. She then hid it from them too.
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post #22 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

She doesn't mind him doing all that stalking, but she said I am cyber stalking looking at our phone records

And she's not anxious, she actually tells me to not be anxious about things
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post #23 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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She doesn't mind him doing all that stalking, but she said I am cyber stalking looking at our phone records
Tell her it's your only option given her huge, sudden, and unexpected memory lapses.
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post #24 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:57 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Originally Posted by nekonamida View Post
Anxiety is a special case in which this doesn't apply. For people without anxiety though, nervousness tends to be a sign of dishonesty. It's up to youaremetoo to determine if she is a naturally anxious person so it is worth considering.


Here's the thing - she had multiple friends call this guy a creep and family members. She blocked him on FB at her friend's insistence but kept texting him and talking to him on her phone. Every scenario in which she claimed he just showed up or talked to her, the phone records show that she reached out to him first. So if she thought he was creepy and he was stalking her, why in the world would she text or call him after he left her alone for lengthy periods of time? She wouldn't. People don't randomly reach out and check up on creeps who stalk them for funsies. They ghost them, block them, stop feeding into it, and at worst get other people involved to get them to back off like their husband or the police. She did it because at a minimum she liked the attention he gave her despite a whole chorus of people in her life telling her not to. She then hid it from them too.
I think SOMETHING is up. I just don't know if its a full blown affair.

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #25 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:00 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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I think SOMETHING is up. I just don't know if its a full blown affair.
Could just be the creepy OM stalker dude plus her apparent lack of boundaries and it's innocent. Or, she could have the wool pulled over his eyes and be banging creepy dude on a regular basis.

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post #26 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:17 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

OP,

You need to ask yourself these questions:

Why would a man with his reputation, continue to contact and meet up with your wife over this length of time, if he was not getting sex?

Why would your wife lie to you about the details?

How many other times do you think they've met up that you don't know about?

Why would you accept her continuing contact with him?

My take:

It's possible they didn't have sex, but I'd bet my mortgage they have. Men, particularly players, just don't keep up the contact for that long - for "friendship".

Your wife wouldn't lie to you if she had nothing to hide.

Why you put up with her doing this is unfathomable. At best, she's busting open a marital boundary, disrespecting you in the process; and at worst, she's having a affair right in front of your face - thinking you're too gullible to catch on.

Last edited by badmemory; 03-08-2017 at 04:30 PM.
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post #27 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:43 PM
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She clearly cheated. Her deleting text messages, have the dude over , being exceedingly defensive = she cheated. Sorry Man.
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post #28 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

Do I lie and say I know what happened and if she doesn't tell me we're done?

Do I say we are now seperating?

We have a house and kids. Maybe we can do this without attorneys?
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post #29 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:51 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Do I lie and say I know what happened and if she doesn't tell me we're done?
Only if you're completely ready and willing to follow through, even though you'll never be 100% sure if you pulled the trigger too quickly.

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Do I say we are now seperating?
No, that's just weak. If you're going to do it then just go all the way otherwise it's a watered down version and simply says you're having some sort of temper tantrum because you think she's hiding something from you.

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We have a house and kids. Maybe we can do this without attorneys?
Not a chance.
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post #30 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

She tells me when does she have time to cheat

And I would tell you if I did

And that the guy is gross and wouldn't I be texting him more if I were?
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