OK, this might sound strange, but I'm thinking about getting her totally on my side and manipulating her a bit. Talk about how much I want a 3 sum or something and tell her that my fantasies are other guys doing stuff to her. Then be like I'm not going to judge you for cheating or anything just tell me about it. This should in theory get her comfortable with me and talking more to me. She would be more willing to tell me since she is telling me other dark stuff about her life now. But if she's not actually cheating it could make her want to...that could be a weird rabbit hole.
What is a sane adult huh? Polygraph? Doesn't work.. bug her car? She doesn't talk to him.. Get deleted texts? First you have to root that erases the phone
If you have to erase the phone to root it, then erase it. What's so important that it can't be backed up before the scan? That's like saying you need a biopsy for potential cancer there's that whole thing where you have to be cut with a scalpel.
Book a polygraph, blindside her with it. In the meantime have divorce papers drawn up. If she fails the poly, serve her on the spot. It appears that you are dealing with a liar, and to protect yourself you will need to be aggressive.
Ok realistically here. Any therapist. What can they actually do at this point? She will continue to lie etc. They can't extract the truth from her. I can say that every session we are going to discuss it but that gets us nowhere. It looks like our goal is to rebuild trust, but yeah...
You don't have to root the phone with DrFone I don't believe..
It's a moot point though.
According to her she is a serial cheaters.
Google it, they can't stop cheating.
I have had great advise here over and over again, instead you are so desperate to get to the truth of her lies, but are dealing a pathetically lier who can spin her web of deceit and distortion before you and you are powerless to figure this out....she will not crack because she has no incentive to do so....its self preservation.....listen to your gut, but i tell you right now, you can stay with her, and cuckold spouse, know that she will continue to see him behind your back....or you cut your loses and move on with your life...but you won't.
Ok got new logs from when they actually worked together and they texted each other and called each other a ton before and after work. And sent pics dunno what they are though..this all keeps getting worse.
My wife says I should just trust what she says that nothing ever happened and that I should have never looked any further into it. She says that's what she would have done if this situation was reversed. I know trust is important, but this situation seems a little off to me. This is my first relationship so maybe I'm not being too trusting. She says her and the dude only talked about work stuff on phones before and after work and that they'd get each other breakfast too when they worked together. My friend says I'm just jealous and I should go to my own therapist, which I am going to now. I am not going to that marriage therapist anymore as she does nothing for us. She says she didn't want to discuss the situation any further because my wife might leave me.
My wife says I should just trust what she says that nothing ever happened and that I should have never looked any further into it. She says that's what she would have done if this situation was reversed.
And it won't be your last. You've aligned yourself with a remorseless lying cheater who doesn't give a rat's ass at ALL for your pain.
Just because this is your first real relationship doesn't mean you need to cower in the shadows while Miss Thang TELLS you how things are going to progress.
You're a GROWN man for God's sakes. Find your spine, find your voice, and get to the bottom of this bull**** once and for all.
That's just ridiculous. Trust is built on truth, which she has not given you.
If they were just friends then why was there a transfer? I have a lot of friends at work. I have never come close to getting transferred because of my friendship with them. What business owner doesn't want their employees becoming friends?
wow...you gotta love the ultimatum tactic....she drew the line the sand......you better tuck away your balls, tell her "yes dear", suck it up and let her wear the pants in the family from now on....congratulations you are not a full blown cuckold husband. I say this because your actions have been weak and un-decisive....you wife will continue to contact him in front of you now and you are too weak to stop it......and your too weak to pull the divorce card. anything we say now will get you in trouble with the wife.
You wrote... I am not going to that marriage therapist anymore as she does nothing for us. She says she didn't want to discuss the situation any further because my wife might leave me.
Ask your marriage therapist how many marriages she had and also if she has ever cheated on her husband. Also ask her if she is pro-marriage. It's also in their best interest not to have you recover or to only partially recover as that keeps the money coming in.
Nothing keeps a marriage in partial recovery like a hidden and unconfessed affair.
So far, in my opinion, all you have is a bunch of conjectures, and nothing solid to back them up. If you keep throwing questions at her, eventually she is going to just shut you down and then the only thing left will be divorce. If that is what you are looking for then just divorce and cut out all the turmoil. If she is doing something then somewhere along the line she will mess up and leave some concrete evidence. It appears by your narrative she is getting close to calling it quits with you. Maybe you need to take a new tact with this situation. I wish you well.
So, you married a chronic liar who is also a serial cheater. Stop. Just stop. Stop the counseling, it's useless with a chronic liar. Stop the investigating, you already know she's a serial cheater who has had AT LEAST an EA and probably a PA since you've been married and who cheated on every previous partner she has had. You know all you need to know. Either file for divorce or firmly decide to look the other way for this affair and any others she has had or may have in the future.
One of her old coworkers that worked there when they worked together still works there. Maybe I should take him aside and ask him what he saw between the two of them. I already kind of talked to him he said the dude was fired for not showing up all the time.
One of her old coworkers that worked there when they worked together still works there. Maybe I should take him aside and ask him what he saw between the two of them. I already kind of talked to him he said the dude was fired for not showing up all the time.
It's not worth doing this. Do not take risks for information that probably will not be valuable. You don't know if this guy has incentive to lie (either because he doesn't like one or both, or because it's easier to go through life not saying anything) or if he'll run to your wife or this dude.
There are other methods at your disposal that you are not using. One is recovering deleted texts from her phone.
She cheated on every guy she was with. She says trust her. Why? She's been nothing but deceitful.
You have found constant talking before and after work. They went out on lunch dates. They had lots of sex.
She's giving you an ultimatum. Shut the hell up or I'll divorce you, basically.
Man with boundaries to his wife. "I have a boundary circle around our marriage and relationship. Within that circle you have my trust, care, love, and support. I am at peace with my circle and it wont change. If you step out of the circle into what I consider risky or inappropriate behavior, you are on your own. Doing so will change the way I see you and that will change the fundamentals of our relationship. Do not come crying to me when the consequences of your actions bring your life crashing down around your ears."
"and do not ask me to "trust" you when you are out there, that is a magnitude of disregard and disrespect that is intolerable to me."
YAMT to his wife, "the actions I have uncovered are already outside that circle, I already see you differently now. Unless you take some timely action, (Honesty, openness, forthrightness) nothing will ever be the same for me."
Then you must act!
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Talk About Marriage
4.9M posts
105.3K members
Since 2007
A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more!