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post #61 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 11:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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post #62 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 11:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

There is a chance it really was nothing and I'm just paranoid.

I had to think about this if they did stuff and he hates his wife, but they broke it off he might do something stupid that I will find out about. She has to keep that in her mind. She can't control him, and he knows where we live now, her mom confirmed that she was there when he came over.

They really didn't talk that much. He initiated almost all convos and she didn't say much back as in one or two messages. Maybe she called him from office phone I dunno.
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post #63 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 12:04 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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There is a chance it really was nothing and I'm just paranoid.
No, not paranoid. The red flags are definitely there. Paranoid would be if you jumped to the conclusion she was cheating based on nothing.

Your reaction was normal. His behavior is definitely not right. He comes across to me as a player who is carefully grooming your wife for sex. What we don't know is if your wife had an affair with him. The evidence is just not nearly conclusive.
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post #64 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

So if I didn't say anything and kept monitoring that would have been better. I just jump on stuff too quickly
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post #65 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 12:17 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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There is a chance it really was nothing and I'm just paranoid.
Read this over and over again from your first post every time you think this:

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Originally Posted by youaremetoo View Post
She was married before and divorced cuz she kissed a guy that liked her and would have lunch with her, who became her bf.
She did this before. What makes you think she wouldn't do it again? And she left her marriage over a kiss? Do you really believe that? They had sex. That's why she left her last husband for him.

So maybe she didn't want to leave you for him this time or maybe this guy wouldn't commit so she kept it casual and got with him when she could. Either way, you're blind if you think she's incapable of doing something she did in her last marriage to you. That's as bad as cheating with someone and then being shocked when they cheat on you too.
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post #66 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 01:27 PM
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red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Last edited by TheTruthHurts; 05-16-2017 at 01:54 PM.
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post #67 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 01:45 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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You shouldn't have to root an Android phone to get to the deleted texts. Let me know if I'm wrong Gus. @GusPolinski
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post #68 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 01:54 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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You shouldn't have to root an Android phone to get to the deleted texts. Let me know if I'm wrong Gus. @GusPolinski
The short answer is, "It depends."

On many you do, even if it's only temporary.

Not all Androids are created equal; in fact, none of them are.

Also depends on the app used for messaging.
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post #69 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 01:56 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Here's s current thread that is equally bizarre but w passed a poly and h is choosing to move forward in the marriage

"Did my wife cheat on me? Need help"

https://r.tapatalk.com/shareLink?sha...2&share_type=t
@TheTruthHurts

I've been following that thread and have posted on it more than once and I take issue with the word "bizarre" to describe it, as if there's something unusual about a poor guy with a cheating wife with all the signs who has chosen to take the word of a polygraph test examiner and his wife, and not continue sleuthing, despite significant damning evidence to the contrary. (In summary, there's no sex life and she's been buying lingerie and getting dolled up and wearing crotchless panties to work - where according to her husband she has hours and hours of free time to go and do as she pleases, and he didn't even know she went and purchased these items, and when he discovered them and confronted her she said "oh I got them for us but I got scared and changed my mind about telling you).

It's perfectly normal for a betrayed spouse to ignore the warning signs and bury their head in the sand and pretend everything's going to be just fine, because let's face it, as human beings we instinctively want to avoid pain and the easiest thing to do is bury our heads in the sand. Until the wind blows so fiercely that all the sand is gone and we're left with our head on the ground looking rather foolish.
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post #70 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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We meet at a club, she approached me. After a few weeks of dating we went to the club with a guy and a girl and my wife(gf at time) grinded hardcore on the guy in front of me. I asked her about it and she said it was cuz he got us in for free.
Red flag! So you dumped your cheating gf immediately right?

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Been married to wife for 8 years.
****.... couldn't even make it past the opening paragraph.

I can already tell this is not going to end well but I will answer your question.

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Red flags everywhere or am I crazy?
There are red flags EVERYWHERE. More red flags than a communist parade.

And yes you are crazy for ignoring them. So yes on both parts.


“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 03-09-2017 at 02:42 PM.
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post #71 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:01 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Last edited by TheTruthHurts; 05-16-2017 at 01:56 PM.
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post #72 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:05 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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I've read your concerns and don't share them. That's why I posted the link so OP could see a couple where the W has very clear red flags but she passed a polygraph
I didn't post any "concerns" I simply reposted the facts as the Op presented them in his first post on that thread that point very strongly to an affair, and then pointed out that he blindly accepted the results of a test that has been proven time and time again to be unreliable, and then questioned why this is considered to be a bizarre story and then followed up with a general statement about humans tend to rationalize and deny in order to spare themselves the pain of reality.
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post #73 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Last edited by TheTruthHurts; 05-16-2017 at 01:57 PM.
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post #74 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:02 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Your choice of words show your concern and I don't share them
So you think that his wife's explanation that she bought the lingerie and crotchless panties that she wore to work on several occasions, without ever telling him she purchased them in the first place, and never wore when she was with him, because she was just sort of "trying them out" and was "scared to wear them for him" is even remotely plausible and that he should just blindly accept the findings of the polygraph test and not question his wife further or at least keep an eye out for possible infidelity?

Because yeah, I don't.
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post #75 of 158 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:24 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

Flip a coin as to whether she is cheating. Plausable but not probable. Might be something else altogether like a different OM than the one you are looking at.
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