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post #76 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:25 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
I've read your concerns and don't share them. That's why I posted the link so OP could see a couple where the W has very clear red flags but she passed a polygraph
We've had a handful of cases like that where the circumstantial evidence sure looked like there was an affair but there wasn't. Rare but it happens.

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post #77 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:46 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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So you think that his wife's explanation that she bought the lingerie and crotchless panties that she wore to work on several occasions, without ever telling him she purchased them in the first place, and never wore when she was with him, because she was just sort of "trying them out" and was "scared to wear them for him" is even remotely plausible and that he should just blindly accept the findings of the polygraph test and not question his wife further or at least keep an eye out for possible infidelity?

Because yeah, I don't.


I think I've said that twice already


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post #78 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 05:00 PM
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Cool Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

Tell you what! If she ain't guilty of hauling somebody else's ashes, I'll sell you Kyle Field for $25.00!

And present you with a title!

Get yourself checked out for the presence of STD's and start a dialogue with a good family attorney!

The OM could literally be anybody! I think you're being hoodwinked!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

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post #79 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:35 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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I think I've said that twice already
I guess I cannot fathom how someone who sounds like a reasonably intelligent individual who is not directly connected to and influenced by the situation as is the betrayed husband, would simply accept the results of a test that is known to be prone to error and which in this particular case seems to be contradicted by almost indisputable evidence that points to an affair.
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post #80 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:55 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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So you think that his wife's explanation that she bought the lingerie and crotchless panties that she wore to work on several occasions, without ever telling him she purchased them in the first place, and never wore when she was with him, because she was just sort of "trying them out" and was "scared to wear them for him" is even remotely plausible and that he should just blindly accept the findings of the polygraph test and not question his wife further or at least keep an eye out for possible infidelity?

Because yeah, I don't.
I have to agree...if she didn't get them for the H...I don't believe see got crotch less underwear for herself... She bought them to "show" someone....since she kept them hidden from from you it's quite obvious...especially looking from the outside in....
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post #81 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

So I told her I want to run scans on her phones for his messages. She said no. Then said let's see what the therapist would say about that. Then I said ok ok. Then she cracked and said I could but that she wants to see them too so I don't take anything out of context.....omg..
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post #82 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:14 AM
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There is no way in hell she didn't cheat. OP is making mistake after mistake. Now that she knows he wants to get deleted texts she is going to have it wiped. The only way he is going to know for sure is a lie detector test.

OP's wife is gaslighting him and possibly hood winking. I not buying her explanations at all. If anything it just utterly proves she is lying. He is getting some bad advice in here too in my opinion.
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post #83 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:15 AM
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If the affair is still in going the only thing that has been accomplished is to push it so far underground it will be hard to expose it.
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post #84 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

First you shouldn't have asked her if you can recover texts, it is something that you just do. But you asked and she said no to recovering the texts and you allowed that? You should have just taken the phone right there. That is full blown evidence there is something major hiding in those texts.

Take the phone. Get her another one. This is bigger than you think.
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post #85 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:36 AM
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red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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So I told her I want to run scans on her phones for his messages. She said no. Then said let's see what the therapist would say about that. Then I said ok ok. Then she cracked and said I could but that she wants to see them too so I don't take anything out of context.....omg..


I'm assuming she isn't that tech savvy? If not, then let her know you've got strong technical people on your team and you'll get to the bottom of it. But also say you want a full written timeline of what you'll find BEFORE you find it. That will be her test to see if she can ever be trusted again. Warn her this is her one chance to possibly save things.

I brought up the poly and the other thread for a reason. People who cheat are used to lying but their stories get confusing the longer things go on and the more complicated it gets. They'll hang onto the lies for dear life - as long as they can. It's about survival.

When you pull a poly out, or this tech exposure you're talking about, they have to believe they'll finally be found out. It's only at the last minute - when all hope of maintaining the lies is gone - that they'll scramble for any safe harbor they can find.

They are cornered and about to be exposed. If given one more out or exit they'll take it most times. The out is the last minute confession coupled with crying and apologizing and begging for forgiveness.

That's why I recommend you require a timeline now. It'll force her to commit her lies to paper and stick with it. Anything you find DIFFERENT now is a huge problem. That's what triggers the confession.
@browser misunderstood several of my posts. I dont know what happened and neither does he and neither do you. But the poly and tech exposure are your best hope to get a confession. @browser doesn't think they work. But then again, he isn't maintaining a huge complex thread of lies. Someone who is - and who isn't a sociopath - is more likely to spill when presented with a poly.

And BTW on the other thread the W was pushing hard for the poly and eagerly did what she could to support her h. So it's helpful to see what that looks like and compare it to your situation


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post #86 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

No idea here why she can't just admit after I keep nagging her about it. I told her I would stay with her and not tell anyone and we can move on. Maybe they have blackmail on each other.
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post #87 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:53 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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No idea here why she can't just admit after I keep nagging her about it. I told her I would stay with her and not tell anyone and we can move on. Maybe they have blackmail on each other.
There's a host of reasons why a cheater won't admit the affair, even in the face of damning evidence that cannot be disputed.

"Mutual blackmail from the affair partner" is not usually on that list.

For starters, I highly doubt she believes you when you say you'd stay with her if she confesses an affair. Why should she? You don't believe her shen she says she didn't even have one.
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post #88 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

What so I'm supposed to belive her?


She probably just wants to keep it going
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post #89 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:08 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

How about approaching the POS. Tell him you know everything and you want him to come clean, otherwise you will be calling his wife with your "evidence". This is a bluff that has worked for others in the past.
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post #90 of 133 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:26 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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What so I'm supposed to belive her?


She probably just wants to keep it going
Exactly. You are at the point where you have to make a choice, follow your emotions and suffer, or kill your emotions and use logic. Killing your emotions (which can be done, anger is a good one to use to kill the others) will get you out of the trap you are in much faster. Holding on to them will keep you stuck.

Its like a Chinese finger trap.

Thouse who move through it with action and assertiveness do much better. Read and study up.
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