So I told her I want to run scans on her phones for his messages. She said no. Then said let's see what the therapist would say about that. Then I said ok ok. Then she cracked and said I could but that she wants to see them too so I don't take anything out of context.....omg..
I'm assuming she isn't that tech savvy? If not, then let her know you've got strong technical people on your team and you'll get to the bottom of it. But also say you want a full written timeline of what you'll find BEFORE you find it. That will be her test to see if she can ever be trusted again. Warn her this is her one chance to possibly save things.
I brought up the poly and the other thread for a reason. People who cheat are used to lying but their stories get confusing the longer things go on and the more complicated it gets. They'll hang onto the lies for dear life - as long as they can. It's about survival.
When you pull a poly out, or this tech exposure you're talking about, they have to believe they'll finally be found out. It's only at the last minute - when all hope of maintaining the lies is gone - that they'll scramble for any safe harbor they can find.
They are cornered and about to be exposed. If given one more out or exit they'll take it most times. The out is the last minute confession coupled with crying and apologizing and begging for forgiveness.
That's why I recommend you require a timeline now. It'll force her to commit her lies to paper and stick with it. Anything you find DIFFERENT now is a huge problem. That's what triggers the confession.
misunderstood several of my posts. I dont know what happened and neither does he and neither do you. But the poly and tech exposure are your best hope to get a confession. @browser
doesn't think they work. But then again, he isn't maintaining a huge complex thread of lies. Someone who is - and who isn't a sociopath - is more likely to spill when presented with a poly.
And BTW on the other thread the W was pushing hard for the poly and eagerly did what she could to support her h. So it's helpful to see what that looks like and compare it to your situation
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