Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?
Just continue counseling and stay with your wife. Otherwise, you need to calm down and quit sabotaging yourself. Yes, it sucks your trust is broken. It sucks your therapist is ignorant OR purposely covering for your wife. Still, if you run to her with every little idea, she is GOING to find ways to shut you down.
Sorry, to me, he just moved out of full on creepy stalker range. He might be gross now, but you do not need to be there to add context for conversations with a stalker. This is another red flag for the inappropriate nature of their conversations. Please notice, the word NOW. He very well maybe a stalker and gross NOW, but I am saying he may be a triggered one that was a friend or more.
Oh and one question, who picked the therapist?