Hello, everyone. I'm here and also registered at SurvivingInfidelity.com because I recently found out my wife of 15 years had a months-long affair with another man, first online and then a real, physical affair starting in October when she went overseas to see him. I found out in December, a few days before Christmas. She had told me he was just a friend who went to the same middle school she did, and I believed in her and trusted her so much that even though in hindsight there were some huge, flaming red flags, at the time I rationalized them away whenever I saw them. And the thing that blows my mind the most is that she was always the jealous one. She was the one who was always accusing me of flirting with other women, of looking at them and checking them out, of wanting to walk out on her at any moment, of wanting to screw practically anything that moves, of being the sicko and the perv in the relationship.
It has been the most heartbreaking, confusing, and stressful thing I have ever been through. And with a major complicating factor that I don't know if very many people here have had to deal with, that when she went overseas she left me alone to care for the niece of the guy she had an affair with, who was living with us and dependent on us at least for shelter and transportation to school and work.
I stumbled on this forum and the other website looking for advice because I never knew what to do or how to handle it. I suppose I will post my sob story later tonight, or at least as much of it as I feel comfortable writing.
I don't know what to do, whether to leave her or stay with her. I am afraid of both options. I am hoping to just die at some point. Thanks for reading.
You are going to get very different advice here from a lot of us then you will from SI, Why would you want to be married to someone who could disrespect you so much? What kind of person will you be, the kind who is bullied and takes it, or the kind who stands up and punches back. Make no mistake your wife has bullied you. Honestly the fact that this total lack of respect could happen to you and you are undecided shows that you are passive. This has probably always been your MO.
People who do the kind of horrendous stuff that your wife has done can smell out passive people. It works like a parasite and a host. Right now you are her host. You need to change your thinking and yourself or it doesn't matter you will just attract another like your wife. How about start with your disrespectful wife..
Are we to understand that you were supporting her affair partner and her? Are you still doing that? Honestly why would you ever want to spend your life with someone who could take advantage of you in such a terrible way. There is so much better out there. Being alone is better. Love and marriage are not worth your self respect or your honor. Marriage and love should not be more important then protecting yourself from abuse.
See a lawyer and divorce her. Treat her and her comfort with the same disregard she treated you with.
Your wife is no prize. Don't treat winning her back like winning the lottery. Seriously even if she is sorry and loves you what is it worth. YOU CAN DO BETTER. Don't settle for a plan B life.