Living in Limbo - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:51 AM Thread Starter
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OP-speaking as a person who kept herself in denial for way too long-know that you and only you can get yourself out of this limbo you are in right now. It is hell and not a healthy place to be at all. What is keeping you there is what you said above and that is you want the life you imagined you would have with her. She has changed this with her actions and now you can either stay
where you are and accept the she "needs time" excuse; or take care of yourself and get out of the situation right now. Really examine how this feels for your wife to say she needs time. Time to do what exactly? Aren't you worth more than her pondering about needing time? What this statement means is I need more time to mess around with other men and not you. No intimacy or kissing for 3 years is her answer to you about what this marriage means to her. You are worth so much more than that. Start acting and take care of you now and make some decisions about your life. Take care of yourself now~
I so appreciate all of u taking the time to help me out...I know some see me as a,sucker or a,wuss for stsying.. but we do have 3 grown kids n our 1st granddaughter...so I was thinking somehow it would all change...I don't have the money to get divorce yet...so I guess I just focus on me for a while

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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:54 PM
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Re: Living in Limbo

Write her a long letter, apologize at first for the names you called her, and then say that you are going to give her a divorce. Tell her that for three years there has been no intimacy between you and her, but she has seen fit to be emotionally intimate with another. Tell her she is free to go. Let her know that this is ALL ON HER. She chose to be intimate with another, this is the consequence. Tell her that there are more consequences to follow. That will include your grown children knowing what she is doing. That will include everyone she knows, including work, so that she can put up with everyone pointing fingers. Let her know that her AP's family will be finding out fairly quickly. A three year affair should screw up his world as well. Grow a set and let her have it.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:38 PM
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Re: Living in Limbo

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Write her a long letter, apologize at first for the names you called her, and then say that you are going to give her a divorce. Tell her that for three years there has been no intimacy between you and her, but she has seen fit to be emotionally intimate with another. Tell her she is free to go. Let her know that this is ALL ON HER. She chose to be intimate with another, this is the consequence. Tell her that there are more consequences to follow. That will include your grown children knowing what she is doing. That will include everyone she knows, including work, so that she can put up with everyone pointing fingers. Let her know that her AP's family will be finding out fairly quickly. A three year affair should screw up his world as well. Grow a set and let her have it.
Or, just divorce her and save the ink.
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 02:08 PM
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Re: Living in Limbo

You can do that too. This is just the kick-off. It is the old piece of advice: If you get into a fight, PUNCH FIRST AND PUNCH HARD.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 02:31 PM
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Re: Living in Limbo

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Ok...what I'm hearing is everything everybody has been telling me...but her rebuttal is that during an argument I pushed her...and called her a bunch of horrible names...she says she wants to come home but afraid of all that repeating
That's all BS, she just using that to justify not coming home and cheating some more. Just wants a sure thing to come home to if she gets dumped by the OM she's seeing. There's nothing left for you in your marriage, the sooner you end it the better.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 02:50 PM
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Re: Living in Limbo

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Originally Posted by kootz View Post
Ok...what I'm hearing is everything everybody has been telling me...but her rebuttal is that during an argument I pushed her...and called her a bunch of horrible names...she says she wants to come home but afraid of all that repeating
Get some anger management help. At least attempt to acknowledge what you did(pushing) and are actively looking for help with anger. We understand your anger(trust us on that) but getting physical is not the answer.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 04:30 PM
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Re: Living in Limbo

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Hey I'm new to this website page but hoping I can find support not criticism..
I am seperated for 10 months...married 17 years.. me and my wife have had a pretty good solid marriage...OR so I thought..I found out 3 yrs ago she had an emotional affair with a guy from work...from that moment my life forever changed..I questioned everything.. I decided to stay and try to work thru it was her cause I adored my wife...it was a roller coaster..one day was great and the other awful.. we would argue like never b4. I said things I never did b4. I called her a ***** and how she destroyed our family..she slowly became someone I didn't know...going out, working out...just a big change...in the heat of an argument I kicked her out...I couldn't stop obsessing about the other guy ..and I never believed her anymore..we are on 10 months and she says she just needs time...wee have not as much kissed in 3 years...I'm stuck in a spot of giving her time or leaving...but so badly want to live our life out together like we planned...
If they work together the affair never stopped. Every betrayed spouse wants to believe it was just "an emotional affair" because they can't accept anything else and will stay in denial.

Check your phone bill.

She needs time to spend with her other man. You also want to believe it's all your fault because "she just wouldn't do that to me".

You probably never exposed to other mans wife either. This just enables the affair. I'm sure they both are very thankfull to you for helping hide their affair.

You are in selfinflicted limbo
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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 04:55 PM
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Re: Living in Limbo

Every time I hear someone say they're in limbo, I want to smack my forehead. And then ask them, ok, so what are you going to do to get yourself OUT of this limbo??

Dude, file for D and move on. Why you haven't done so already I cannot understand.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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