You are making absolutely no logical sense. They say that people having affairs are in a mental fog and you definitely sound like you have a very twisted view of reality right now.
Should you file for divorce because you had an affair? Well, do you want
a divorce? Your post sounds like you want a divorce and crossed the line so that now you have to divorce because that would be the decent thing to do given you cheated on your wife. But you're not going to get too carried away with this whole "decent guy" thing. After all, you're considering divorcing your wife and not telling her why
If you want a divorce, divorce your wife, but be enough of a man to tell her the truth. The whole truth.
If you don't want a divorce, tell your wife the truth and hope she will give you a second chance. That second chance would include you not carrying on opposite sex friendship, certainly never going to meet any woman alone again, and being completely transparent with your wife about your whereabouts, emails, texts, etc. If you really don't want a divorce, I'd get the book Surviving and Affair by Dr. Harley. Here are the crib notes: How to Survive an Affair
To answer your question is it normal for your wife to be jealous of your female friend: Yes, of course. She knew this lady was a threat to her marriage on a gut level and she was 100% correct. The fact that you pursued a "friendship" with this woman when your wife had told you she was not comfortable with it shows total disregard for your wife's feelings and sense of security, and is reason right there for her to feel jealous.
It is not normal
, in my experience, for people who are married to have opposite sex friends of the nature where you would get together to chat. At least not people who care to stay married.
BTW, you knew you were up to no good when you met with this woman secretly. You both knew exactly what you were opening the door to. Good that you feel guilty but that you can admit you cheated on your wife in one breath and wonder if it's normal your wife was jealous of this woman in the next breath show that 1) You never respected your wife in the first place or you would have chilled this "friendship" the minute your wife expressed concern and 2) You need to think a lot harder about how you let/made this happened in the first place. If you want to stay married, I'd also read up on "Independent Behavior" on the same website I mentioned above. It sounds like you are of a mindset that you should be able to do whatever strikes you without considering how your spouse is affected. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...dependent.html
Hi. Im new to TAM and need some insight. I'm a father to 2 sons. My wife and I have been married for 20 years now. But it hasn't always been wedded bliss, since our marriage has hit a rocky spot for the past few months, We decided to try MC and so far it's going well - or so I thought.
Unfortunately I may be pursuing a divorce over my actions. I fell into my first affair last month but haven't told the wife yet.
I have a close female friend that I've known for 9 years. we use to be co-workers and always just platonic friends. She's even told me she would never ever have sex with me, I swore would never get sexual with but that night, after visiting my family members, she calls me up on my cell and we chat for about 10 minutes and we decided to try and meet up at a casual take out restaurant for a chat, a quick bite to eat. I didn't tell my wife about this that night, as her feelings towards my friend have been contentious. For the past few months she's been VERY jealous person. She claims she trusts me but yet tells me the reason for that is "she doesn't know her well" - that is why she feels insecure. (Ladies, is this common?) This woman has been invited over to our house a few times in the past, so she has met her.
It was around 8:30pm, Pretty soon as we were chatting, one thing led to another inside my truck and I ended up feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life. I am feeling VERY guilty and the only thing I can do now is file the D papers and NOT tell her the truth but instead just say I am not happy in the relationship in order to leave. I do not want to destroy her by telling her I made out with this girl and other things that night. This was the first time I ever touched her sexually. I drove home around 9:00. We live 20 miles away.
The next morning my friend text me saying "How was your evening last night?" " I told her it could have been better but you know". I haven't heard back from her since.
Is it the right thing to do, by filing and NOT revealing the affair?