Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #46 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 01:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

I'm glad I found this forum that's all I can say.

At first I hated how people were giving honest answers because of the love fog in my eyes.

Took me 3 hard weeks to where I am today.

Some advice I can give to people(I know each situation is different and everyone goes thru stages differently) on how I went thru this ordeal.

Take time to lay on the floor and f"n cry just cry and lay there when you get up lay down and cry some more let it all out.
No contact with the cheater if you have kids like me just respond with parental related texts. no need to answer the phone even if they call 3 times. texts are fine.

READ , lots of good material on infidelity online this helped me see and process the situation clearly.

You will probably throw up after your first meal in 2 days.

Yes you will feel like someone took a rusty infected knife to your chest and cut your heart out.

If your no longer on the floor crying then your making progress. You gotta let that **** out scream yell whatever. blast fn music till the speakers blow.

No alcohol or drugs trust me this will make things worse.

Start going out slowly taking the garbage out having a friend over for a few minutes etc.

I also talked on the phone with 2 friends literally every hour when I had a sinking feeling just to complain and let **** out this helped out at lot. No need to tell everyone just 2 close friends that you know will be there for you.

Right now I'm in a good place. I see this ***** at work and don't care about what shes' doing or saying. My priorities are my kids nothing else. You will feel like this with time. I know everyone says this, I also wished that some magic pill would make that feeling go away in the beginning.

Lastly listen to the people on the forum they are not wearing the love glasses and if a ***** is cheating on you and doesn't care about you or the kids then its time to man up and stop *****ing about how much you love her she doesn't fn love you she is selfish and needs some serious help.

Thanks again for the responses and will update on my situation until the divorce is final

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post #47 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

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Originally Posted by freshpl View Post
DNA on the kids have been done.
Done by whom? When? Have the results come back yet?
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post #48 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 08:52 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

This situation is why I am reluctant to recommend R on here.

She cheated early on in your relationship and you thought you won the prize when she came back to you. Several kids latter she is at it again.
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post #49 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:00 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

1. No more talking to her on the phone. Only text/e-mail.
2. Her not letting you take care of them while you are out of work for a week can be used against her.
3. No more talking to her on the phone.
4. Ask to spend more time with the kids. All her no's will come back to bite her in the back side.
5. No more talking on the phone.


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post #50 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

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Know the feeling. I found out a different way. She did not clean herself too well before we had oral sex. I do not know what would be worse; seeing her have sex or tasting the result of her having sex.
ewwwww

OH and read the WHOLE story by the poster Whyeme. HIDEOUS near suicidal beginning... EPIC end.

Catching the cheater:
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post #51 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Few questions to ask you before i can offer anything.

Do you own a home?
How long ago did she move out?
Do you get any time with the kids at all?

This all matters because if she moved out recently then you need to file immediately and NOT wait 2 weeks. When you file you need an order from the court to return the kids to the marital home that she ABANDONED! Temp custody. do not wait!

If she has been out for a long time and you have a ****ty agreement with the kids that you barely see - well you could have dug your own grave because you've allowed a status quo. Speak to a lawyer now, stop waiting.

You really NEED to start acting immediately man or your going to end up an every other weekend father. Is that what you want? If you want your kids you have to start fighting for them now.

She is so many steps ahead of you. This is no longer about an affair. It sucks! i agree, and i can relate but this is now about your kids and getting as much time with their father as possible.
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post #52 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Do you own a home? yes
How long ago did she move out? shes is renting about a month ago
Do you get any time with the kids at all? yes i see them regularly weekends and weekdays ( surprisingly she has seen the damage and is not giving me problems seeing the kids.


Update: the other night 3am: TEXT: you win: Karma got me
next day another TEXT: I'm sorry

Did not respond to any of them. Looks like the affair fell apart real quick.
She is still going out partying with her college friends so she has no sympathy from me.

I did talk to a lawyer I am still collecting all emails and texts from her.
Will be filing real soon. Only communication I have is thru text and only about kids she tries to call every other day I don't pick up
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post #53 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:54 AM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

This will be a broken record if you take her back. This is the second time she's cheated that you know of. Serial cheaters don't stop.

If you're smart you'll D this. Or get played again and again.
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post #54 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:41 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

I wonder if she has ever been tested for bipolar disorder? As for the anger, somebody has to be blamed for this mess and she has decided it is you. Well you didn't expect her to take responsibility for her own actions did you? (tongue in cheek). Since you won't let her bait you into an argument, the kids are the only weapon that she has left. You are right on target, stay focus and do what you have to do.
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post #55 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:20 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

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Originally Posted by freshpl View Post
Do you own a home? yes
How long ago did she move out? shes is renting about a month ago
Do you get any time with the kids at all? yes i see them regularly weekends and weekdays ( surprisingly she has seen the damage and is not giving me problems seeing the kids.


Update: the other night 3am: TEXT: you win: Karma got me
next day another TEXT: I'm sorry

Did not respond to any of them. Looks like the affair fell apart real quick.
She is still going out partying with her college friends so she has no sympathy from me.

I did talk to a lawyer I am still collecting all emails and texts from her.
Will be filing real soon. Only communication I have is thru text and only about kids she tries to call every other day I don't pick up
Her texts at 3 AM mean nothing. Ignore them.

Don't engage her at all. She made her choice and has to live with it.

Take care of your kids and yourself and let her live her life. You will be much better off without her drama upsetting you.

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post #56 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:46 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

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Update: the other night 3am: TEXT: you win: Karma got me
next day another TEXT: I'm sorry
These people are such awful human beings. Seriously why anyone would even want to be around them let alone be married to them is beyond me. Let her go be with the people who go on Jerry Springer. Move on to a better class of person.
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post #57 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:20 PM
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Cool Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

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Your marriage is short enough that, at least in the United States, she can make no claim on Marital Assets.

With children involved, you can never make a "clean break", but at this early stage, it can be financially simple.

Given her behavior, you might be able to make a case to the court that she's an unfit mother, then you'll have sole custody and no child support to pay. 4 years into a marriage, you're also unlikely to be asked to pay spousal support - in theory, she can return to supporting herself however she did before you were married.

Going emotionally numb when you can't see any method to resolve the issue is a fairly natural self-preservation reaction. And, given her predilection to act as if she's not married - I see no way for this to last.

Too bad you didn't hear the alarm bells when she cheated on you while you had just started dating.

Good luck.
It's no real secret that skanks like her would simply live off the child support and at the same time, have absolutely no problem in depriving the kids!

By the way, get yourself tested immediately for the presence of STD's!

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post #58 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

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I wonder if she has ever been tested for bipolar disorder? As for the anger, somebody has to be blamed for this mess and she has decided it is you. Well you didn't expect her to take responsibility for her own actions did you? (tongue in cheek). Since you won't let her bait you into an argument, the kids are the only weapon that she has left. You are right on target, stay focus and do what you have to do.
I have been on course mentally and physically thanks to this forum.

I was wondering the same thing she could be bipolar. The emotional rollercoaster from her side is off the charts and the drop of a hat being nice all of a sudden..

Texts like URGENT CALL ME and 3 missed calls after work don't phase me anymore she desperately wants to talk on the phone which I refuse to only via text and only about kids. I don't reply to anything else.

Staying on course. Thank you again for the support!
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post #59 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 04:51 PM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Getting you on the phone could be her trying to trap you into saying something stupid or hurtful while she is recording you.

Limit communication to email or with a third party present.
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post #60 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 11:51 AM
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Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Well the obvious is now happening: She has been unceremoniously dumped. Now she is desperate for a plan B. Let the divorce do the talking. Let her feel desperation, nausea at being alone, vomiting at the thought of being destitute. Diarrhea at the thought of you having a new life with someone new. She placed you in the toilet, urinated profusely and flushed. Too bad it is now her life circling the bowl. Ha Ha Ha.

Karma, gotta love it. Bet it smacked her head right out of her butt. She looked around and had that "Oh Merde" moment. Now that she has had two affairs under her belt, it would behoove you to ensure that the courts find out about her hobby. Judges are hesitant to allow children into the homes of women who do not need air conditioners: the revolving door of f**k-buddies provides enough air flow.

Last edited by Taxman; 03-29-2017 at 11:06 AM.
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