Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 146Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:16 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 17
Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Things have been going downhill. Arguments about random things trying to get a rise out of me. She needs a break to see how she feels about everything, she loves me but not in love me with me. We don't really have any interests in common the usual talk.

Story:
We met over 4 years ago at work she was 21 I was 30, 1st year was rough she cheated on me with her ex then left me, we got back together she got pregnant fast forward today we have 2 kids. She moved out, I helped out with the kids during this time and she insisted no one else is in the picture.

I caught her outside the house in the car making out with her coworker. I also noticed things that were not hers at her house.

He now spends the night there, I hired a PI they go to movies, friends house etc.

I start work next week at the same job site. I talked to an attorney I have to find proof she is neglecting the kids which she is recently, dropping them off sick etc.

I read a zillion articles online so we all know how I feel and the limbo of emotions.

Very frustrating when she doesn't want to save the marriage and do whats right for the kids

freshpl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:23 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 230
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Besides dumping her ass, one of the first things I'd do is DNA the kids.
manwithnoname is online now  
post #3 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:24 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 17
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by manwithnoname View Post
Besides dumping her ass, one of the first things I'd do is DNA the kids.
DNA on the kids have been done.
thanks for the prompt response.
I have not spoken with her just exchange of kids in the parking lot.
freshpl is offline  
 
post #4 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:30 AM
Member
 
2ntnuf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 13,989
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

It is very frustrating. Come to think of it, why would you want her to "do what's right for the kids" and stay in the marriage? She won't do what's right for your marriage. She never will. Time to get those kids dna tested for paternity, especially the first one, even though you love them dearly.

Get to your attorney and file for divorce. She isn't trustworthy. She doesn't want to change.

Protect your assets. Protect yourself. Protect your children.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
2ntnuf is offline  
post #5 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:32 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 230
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Read up on the many similar stories on here. There are guys who have been through it that can guide you. You'll get varying advice. Do what is best for you, she obviously doesn't care whether the kids are raised by both parents as a family.

She seems to be a serial cheater, you know of at least two times. Serial cheaters are incurable as far as I have seen.
manwithnoname is online now  
post #6 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 07:57 AM
Member
 
jsmart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,038
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

In order to keep a woman with such a big age gap, you have to stay on top of your game. The amount of times a woman in her 20s is hit on, would blow your mind. It's tough enough with the age gap but then you add that she is a serial cheater and that's the recipe for heart break.

A serial cheating wife is not R material. Trying to pursue her is just going to further disgust her. She see's you as the father of her kids not as her man. Your best bet is to divorce and try to co-parent.

To get a little bit of respect back, you should file for D and have her served at work. Pack her **** on put in guess room and put a lock on master bedroom. Separate your finances. including closing any joint accounts. Expose to her family and friends. If you don't, it will be spun about how unhappy she was due to you're controlling and abusiveness.

It may seem counter-intuitive but she will respect you more and be better able to co-parent. If not, she will see you as weak and just make your life hell.
jsmart is offline  
post #7 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 08:00 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,775
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

So what's your game plan? Are you getting your ducks in a row in addition to gathering evidence?

Sorry for what you're going through, but at least she's not being very sneaky about everything. Seems pretty out in the open. You can use that to your advantage to ensure she doesn't character assassinate you.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
post #8 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 08:50 AM
Forum Supporter
 
anchorwatch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Long Island
Posts: 3,569
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

@freshpl,

Explain your thread title, "Marriage going downhill,..."? What marriage?

Your WW is living with an OM. How is that a marriage?

A marriage is an agreement between two people. She doesn't agree so there is no marriage! Only paper...

She's at least too immature, not marriage material at all. What could you want to save?

Have some respect for yourself and show your children better. Wake up, it's just you and them.

Take your life back. Stop letting her decisions lead your future. NMMNG

Best to you and your children...

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by anchorwatch; 03-12-2017 at 09:11 AM.
anchorwatch is offline  
post #9 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 09:03 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

The only advice I have for you is to stop spending money on a PI unless you're trying to build a case that she's neglecting the children so you can build a case for sole custody and/or you will receive a more favorable settlement due to her infidelities- which is rarely done by courts nowadays.

You're just throwing good money after bad.

I know it's after the fact but I have to ask what were you thinking having not one but two children with this woman after everything you had just gone through with her?
browser is offline  
post #10 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 10:55 AM
Member
 
EunuchMonk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 587
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by freshpl View Post
Very frustrating when she doesn't want to save the marriage and do whats right for the kids

Wait, you're still trying to salvage this? You don't learn, do you? Time to get out, OP, nothing here for you. If you keep pulling this weak "pick-me dance" all you will gain is further humiliation. Give her her walking papers, not tomorrow, not in a month, NOW!


Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
EunuchMonk is offline  
post #11 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 11:57 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,864
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

You have got to let go. Yes, your emotions keep you clawing for dear life to keep her. That will do you no good. It will keep you hurting.
Evinrude58 is offline  
post #12 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:03 PM
Member
 
DustyDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
Posts: 464
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by freshpl View Post
Things have been going downhill. Arguments about random things trying to get a rise out of me. She needs a break to see how she feels about everything, she loves me but not in love me with me. We don't really have any interests in common the usual talk.

Story:
We met over 4 years ago at work she was 21 I was 30, 1st year was rough she cheated on me with her ex then left me, we got back together she got pregnant fast forward today we have 2 kids. She moved out, I helped out with the kids during this time and she insisted no one else is in the picture.

I caught her outside the house in the car making out with her coworker. I also noticed things that were not hers at her house.

He now spends the night there, I hired a PI they go to movies, friends house etc.

I start work next week at the same job site. I talked to an attorney I have to find proof she is neglecting the kids which she is recently, dropping them off sick etc.

I read a zillion articles online so we all know how I feel and the limbo of emotions.

Very frustrating when she doesn't want to save the marriage and do whats right for the kids
Your marriage is short enough that, at least in the United States, she can make no claim on Marital Assets.

With children involved, you can never make a "clean break", but at this early stage, it can be financially simple.

Given her behavior, you might be able to make a case to the court that she's an unfit mother, then you'll have sole custody and no child support to pay. 4 years into a marriage, you're also unlikely to be asked to pay spousal support - in theory, she can return to supporting herself however she did before you were married.

Going emotionally numb when you can't see any method to resolve the issue is a fairly natural self-preservation reaction. And, given her predilection to act as if she's not married - I see no way for this to last.

Too bad you didn't hear the alarm bells when she cheated on you while you had just started dating.

Good luck.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
DustyDog is offline  
post #13 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:48 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 17
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

thank you for your honest responses.

1. I paid a PI once to have evidence in court.
2. Like Jsmart said I have to be on top of my game and I wasn't (kids and work just not enough time for "us")
3. Game plan right now is I start work at the same locations as my so called wife and lover work.
4. Helping with the kids, coming from a child of divorce I know how this effects them and I do not want to use them as the ammunition in this affair it is not fair to them.
5. I plan on filing for D in about 2 weeks max.
freshpl is offline  
post #14 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 02:49 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by freshpl View Post
thank you for your honest responses.

1. I paid a PI once to have evidence in court.
You've determined that in your geographic location, evidence of infidelity will skew the divorce court's decision in your favor? Or do you live in one of the few remaining states where you can file for an "at fault" divorce?
browser is offline  
post #15 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 04:30 PM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,472
Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating

Expose her affair to family.
bandit.45 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Cheating wife left for the OM GYRE Coping with Infidelity 88 08-16-2016 02:11 PM
My wife is convinced I am cheating on her. Dopplar The Ladies' Lounge 21 04-10-2016 02:39 AM
Wife Denies Marriage problems even after caught sexting- bit of clarity? CHGUY Coping with Infidelity 30 02-02-2016 11:45 AM
I need help getting my wife to move past my cheating kylo Coping with Infidelity 32 01-12-2016 04:18 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome