Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
I beg to differ with the first bolded bit, but agree with your second, closing statement. I got rid of all of my problems associated with my ex and first marriage most definitively when I left her. I already owned any issues I had, and worked on myself to avoid having the same issues in any subsequent relationship.
Whether or not someone great is out there, I found it better to be alone for a while, than remain in my first marriage. Of course, if you don't know what the problems were, who was responsible, and your own role in creating them or letting them grow, then you may not do better. That's still no reason to stay in an unhappy, possibly toxic relationship!
As for me, I did find "a magical better fit for you out there if you just leave this marriage." No guarantee anyone else will, but without dumping a bad relationship, you don't even have hope to find something better. My new relationship didn't add new problems - just introduced different ones that were less negative and burdensome versus those with my ex, which as I said, were gone when she was gone. And it is often still better to divorce and be alone than continue to put up with problems you haven't been able to - and likely can't - solve.
This is what I think, too. I figure the problems might be more tolerable, as they were for you. And, at least you don't have the same ones.
Though, infidelity can and does happen in any type of relationship, married or not. That was a comment on the idea of not being able to be cheated on when you aren't married in a different post. This is subjective, not objective.
The issue of trying to get more information out of a member in a struggling marriage, is we don't have the ability to know if their story is true. We also can know that their memory will differ from their spouse. Doesn't mean they are lying, necessarily, but it means the objective truth is tougher to find.
We end up making suggestions based on our individual experiences and what we believe to be the best chance of greater happiness. That doesn't always mean you will find another "wife or husband". It can mean you will have some fun dating and living your life without the turmoil presented by the former life partner, husband, wife.
I think that is the message and many don't understand it. Even without a wife or husband, life can be a hell of a lot of fun. It's up to the individual. It may be possible to ask someone what they do in their free time, but I don't think anyone can know what life has in store for anyone. I don't think that is the most important thing on their mind until they have chosen to move toward reconciliation or divorce.