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post #16 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

Sounds like you could use the services of a good PI. May be expensive, but at least you will get the proof you need to end this.

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post #17 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 01:51 PM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

I agree with some that you need more evidence. If it confirms your suspicions of an actual affair, you can move forward knowing that you're making decisions based on facts. If it shows that she is only crushing, then you marriage might be salvageable. If you want any chance at finding the truth, you have to hold your emotions at bay, play clueless husband, and implement a few surveillance tactics. Do your best to be patient!
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post #18 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

There's nothing wrong with not rushing to make a decision until you have the facts gathered. In addition to the iPhone recovery program (use the paid programs not the free ones) you can go to her text messages and click the circled "i" in the upper right hand corner. Scroll down and that will show pictures that were recently received even if they were individually deleted from the conversation (unless she's deleted the whole conversation). Good luck. I hope you find what you need to proceed and make an informed decision.
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post #19 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:16 PM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

Gus has nailed it. VAR and phone.

This one smells like RDMU without the 50 Shades crap. DONT do any early confronts and for heavens sake SHUT UP to her about any suspicions. If she asks why you are acting odd... you have a stomach bug.

She may have coaching.

Last edited by weightlifter; 03-13-2017 at 04:29 PM.
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post #20 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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Originally Posted by throwaway9255 View Post
I would say I'd like more evidence to make the best informed decision possible.
Would it make THAT big a difference to you if she was telling a guy she wanted to suck him off versus actually doing it? It shouldn't.

Either way, A) she's cheating on you and B) she's remorseless (as evidenced by the fact she clearly has no intention of confessing.)

Which brings you to only ONE legitimate option in this situation. Slap her with DIVORCE papers ASAP. Salvage your dignity bro.

Maybe this will make her snap out of it and do WHATEVER it takes to win you back but frankly I wouldn't count on it. She's a ho, move on.

Any other move is compromising your self respect and becoming an enabler and a doormat. I hope you're not "one of those guys".

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #21 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 05:04 PM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

MC and talking is a waste of time and money when both parties to the marriage are not on board with trying to salvage the relationship and she clearly is not into that. She is chasing the unicorns and rainbows that come with the excitement and secrecy of an affair. She has left the marriage and is not interested in coming back.

YOU think you have made progress the last few months, but she hasn't. She is not even trying.

Let her go. Let her chase what she thinks she needs. Accept the fact that she is not the wife you thought you had. That wife is now gone for good and the person you are living with is a lying, sneaky, self-centered biotch who cares nothing for you nor your feelings.
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post #22 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

weightlifter, can you explain what you mean about her having coaching? Like the OM is talking her through the steps to hiding her activity?

Also, I keep seeing references to RDMU on here, what was the deal with that?
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post #23 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:42 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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Originally Posted by throwaway9255 View Post
weightlifter, can you explain what you mean about her having coaching? Like the OM is talking her through the steps to hiding her activity?
Yes.

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Originally Posted by throwaway9255 View Post
Also, I keep seeing references to RDMU on here, what was the deal with that?
He was another poster a while back. His wife was BDSM-style cheating with some dude named Bob (often referred to as "Boob"). Dude drew out his discovery phase waaaaay longer than needed and, in the end, opted to reconcile instead of divorce, which was kind of weird considering he lived in NC (which would've likely meant no alimony due to adultery).

Dude also wound up copying OM's moves in bed to get his wife off, which made it all the weirder.

And lamer.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #24 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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in the end, opted to reconcile instead of divorce, which was kind of weird considering he lived in NC (which would've likely meant no alimony due to adultery).
If he would have had to pay alimony, that would have been a legitimate reason to reconcile?
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post #25 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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If he would have had to pay alimony, that would have been a legitimate reason to reconcile?
Perhaps to some.

Not to me.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #26 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:53 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

Me neither. There's some things money can't buy.
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post #27 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:03 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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Me neither. There's some things money can't buy.
It's like getting a Walmart sheet cake for your birthday vs getting the most awesome cake ever made for your birthday --

Either way you're getting cake, but the latter is soooo much better.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #28 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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It's like getting a Walmart sheet cake for your birthday vs getting the most awesome cake ever made for your birthday --

Either way you're getting cake, but the latter is soooo much better.
Gus please don't talk about cake. There's a snowstorm here and I'm off of work and there's nothing to do but surf the web, post on TAM.. and eat.
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post #29 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:20 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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Gus please don't talk about cake. There's a snowstorm here and I'm off of work and there's nothing to do but surf the web, post on TAM.. and eat.
Pie?

Wings and beer?

Chicken and waffles?

You could always pig out and then go shovel snow to burn it off.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #30 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:22 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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MC and talking is a waste of time and money


She's lying to the MC - so what's the point??? Stop going and see a lawyer ASAP.

If you REALLY think you need more evidence then hire the PI and/or use the VAR.
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