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post #46 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:08 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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Well. iPhone was a no go. First attempt failed as my computer wasn't trusted. Second attempt on her computer was likewise unsuccessful as the iPhone backups are encrypted and it doesn't automatically sync with iTunes. No idea what the unlock code on her phone is now nor the encryption password.

I definitely wonder if there's something to the coaching comment as there's a level of tech saviness that's new for her.

I have my work obligations done for the week. Leaving for a conference Friday AM. Debating whether to confront now or leave a couple VAR's around and confront in front of a counselor on Tuesday.

I think waiting for the counselor would be helpful just because it would help me having a third party present to prevent or minimize any gaslighting or blame shifting and I can walk out of there feeling like I'm not crazy or making this all up.

I would definitely at a minimum leave a couple VAR's around the house and find a trusted friend who knows what's going on to pass by the house from time to time while you're gone. But seriously, I have made this mistake myself, do not confront her about anything or even let on that you know anything until you have rock solid proof of an affair in your hands. And never show her the proof or tell her how you know what you know, not even in front of the counselor.

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post #47 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 09:15 AM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

You are going away, and you are providing the perfect opportunity for a cheating spouse. If you were me, I would have a PI tail her. Have him contact you the minute something goes down, at that point, I would be sending her the message that you know what she is up to right at that minute and the consequences of her actions will be divorce, complete disclosure and all the fallout that it brings, and destruction of the boyfriend's life-he has a wife and kiddies. I default to PI's, first as I represent one active and several who are semi- retired. (Retired police detectives who keep their hands in-matrimonial work pays well)

A client, who is a former PI, said that he knocked on several hotel room doors, identified himself, and served the divorce papers on the spot to the cheating spouse. Shock and awe.
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post #48 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 04:27 PM
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Re: Evidence of Affair, need advice

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Originally Posted by throwaway9255 View Post
weightlifter, can you explain what you mean about her having coaching? Like the OM is talking her through the steps to hiding her activity?

Also, I keep seeing references to RDMU on here, what was the deal with that?
Im on here rarely. Nothing is really new here any more. Most things we see are something along the lines of "this one is similar to poster (user) X with a bit of poster Y"

Yours sounds a bit like a former poster named RDMU. His wife's OP was very experienced in cheating with other mens wives and had coached her extensively on avoiding detection. It didnt hurt that he (and his wife) were in their inner circle so there was always a reason they could be in contact. RDMU caught on well over a year later and only because his wife got careless. Similar in some ways, just like you he both messed up with an early confrontation.

Its ancient history if you care what went down on RDMU. Look in my history for a thread titled the RDMU Diaries. The original thread was deleted. The details listed were carefully screened and allowed by RDMU himself. Seems so long ago.
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