Evidence of Affair, need advice
Crossposting this from the surviving infidelity subreddit for further perspective. Long story short, I've found evidence that my wife is having an affair. I've had a gut feeling for a while that something wasn't right, and there have been a few red flags that I've picked up on. This weekend, I found evidence that she's considered or has already engaged in an affair. There's no incontrovertible proof but I doubt I'm going to find any given the situation.
Backstory - We're both 30, married for 5 years, together for 7. Starting in February/March of last year we both got distant from one another. Both of us work in demanding careers with long hours and work was busy for both of us. I started to withdraw into myself due to the lack of physical intimacy from her (it was already a borderline dead bedroom situation at this point) and stopped meeting her emotional needs. I'm not entirely blameless here and I accept that. 2016 was a pretty **** year for our relationship.
In Late December we had a come to Jesus talk - she was considering divorce due to her needs not being met, "I love you but I'm not in love with you," etc. and I agreed I would work on fixing myself as a precursor to working the relationship. Starting getting **** done around the house, going out of my way to meet her needs, hitting the gym, visiting a counselor. She acknowledged all these changes as very positive and was very proud of me for making them. My life has done a complete 180 but she is still dragging her feet on being active in the marriage.
This weekend, I snooped and found some things that are pretty hard to deal with. Based on browsing history, in March of last year she began looking for apps that would allow someone to message in secret. A few months after that, she began browsing pages on sexting (many many articles for this). I have never been the recipient of a sext from her. I also found evidence of searches for apps and ways to hide photos on an iPhone. All of these searches usually coincided with google or facebook searches for a particular guy. Several articles for spicing up the bedroom, sex moves, sexual health at a time we weren't having intercourse. Also there are searches for articles on ****** ******* and other affair-related articles. In addition, this guy is married with two children. Found multiple searches for their school and school hours (?). In addition, found evidence that she was out a restaurant when she specifically had texted and said she was stuck at work and would be home late.
I don't think I'm ever gonna find definitive proof as I suspect that all communication is happening over apps that don't leave a paper trail. I suspect it probably began in March last year as a way for her to seek emotional fulfillment she wasn't getting from me and blossomed into a full blown emotional affair and probably physical affair as well.
I had already previously brought up my concerns regarding this guy in late January after I found a bunch of facebook searches for him (searching like 2-3 times a week for 6 months). She said it was just a crush (yeah, right). She got really angry with me violating her privacy, deleted all her browser history and facebook history, changed the password on her phone, stopped wearing her wedding rings for a couple days, and then came back and said she wanted to work on our relationship and felt hopeful for our future. Things had been better until this past weekend where she seems checked out again with regards to the marriage. I checked her browsing habits and she has been looking this guy up on facebook again every day for the last 4 days. Last thing before she went to bed last night and first thing after waking up today.
tl;dr - We have our first couples counseling session in a week. I don't know if I can sit on this info until then. I really thought we could give things a shot again and it would work out but it seems like she is more than happy having her needs met elsewhere. I don't know that trust could ever be rebuilt. I'm willing to wait until counseling but another part of me just wants to have this over and done with. The problem is that I have a super busy work week, and a business trip this upcoming weekend for four days and I just don't have time to deal with the fallout of a divorce this week. Need advice, support, hugs, criticism, whatever you want to throw my way.