Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Typical cheater reaction when caught.
I keep reading and seeing wives and husbands who cheat and when caught do the following:
- Get mad because they were followed rather than just asking them if they are cheating. Why did they not tell their spouse they were cheating instead of putting it on him? Is a spouse supposed to ask their partner every day if they cheated. Most cheaters will never tell the truth anyway.
- Blame their spouse for their cheating. They were forced into it because of this and that thing that their spouse did or did not do. However, they never told their spouse about any of these so called problems.
- The spouse who is cheated on puts the blame on themselve. They apologize for forcing their partner to solve the problems by having sex. That is a recommended way of handling marital issues I suppose.
- The spouse who is cheated on goes to counselling on his own to find out why he or she made their spouse cheat. He is made to think that there is something wrong for him that forced his spouse to run to another's arms.
- The cheater will say nothing happen and swear to it, but when a video or other proof is presented, they still deny it. I read somewhere that if caught you should deny and deny no matter what. Apparently some people will want to believe the lie rather than what actually happened and will start to doubt what they saw over time as memory fades. Well maybe she/he was just checking the other person for cancerous moles after all.
- The spouse cheated on will go after the person who their cheating partner is with and places the blame on them as if they forced their spouse to cheat. No one is forced to cheat and yet some cheaters are very good at deflecting the blame on the person they have cheated with. I was drunk. I was vulnerable because I was away from home so long, etc..
- The spouse that is cheated on shows that they are afraid to get divorced. This usually ends up emboldening the cheater to cheat again since they know that divorce is off the table. I knew a woman who kept cheating because the worst that happened to her was a fight for a few hours and that was it. Well worth the hot sex she was getting over the last 10 years from her various lovers.
- We are just friends. Nothing is going on. Why don't you trust me? You must not love me.
The spouse who is cheated on often is looking for anything to grasp on to in order to avoid a divorce. They will blame themselves, blame the partner of the cheater, accept that extramarital sex was an attempt to fix a marital problem. I have watched Cheaters today and all three cheaters listed the reasons why they cheated but never complained about it to their spouse in a forceful manner. Plus none of the things they said would be cured by having sex with another person.
It sometimes breaks my heart when a cheating spouse successfully gets their partner to accept the blame and the cheating, due to them being a bad a spouse. When the cheater does not go for counselling and their spouse does, I want to shout to them that the cheater should be there with them instead of giving them a free pass and trying to fix themselves as if that will change their cheating spouse. I think that some just need to feel like they are doing something but I call all that stuff just speed bumps on the way to a divorce.
I understand that kids are involved and love does not disappear at will but it has been my experience that a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior. Every women who cheated on me, went on to cheat on their boyfriends and husbands. Every women I knew who cheated on their husbands ( I knew because they tried to seduce me and I asked about their husbands) were cheating for a long time and had been caught once or twice already but forgiven. They did not stop cheating, they just got better at it.
How did it go down when you discovered your spouse was cheating? Did they accept the blame or try to push it off on you? Did they deny that anything sexual happened? Most will not tell the truth since giving details only adds fuel to the fire. No one got a second chance with me because although I can forgive, I can never forget and I did not want to live my life with a knot in my stomach every time my wife went out with the girls, worked late, took a business trip, went shopping, etc.. The problem is that whether they cheat again or not, your feelings are going to be pretty much the same. How did your cheating spouse react when caught?
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
Last edited by Vinnydee; 03-14-2017 at 02:08 PM.