I already know I'm going to be ****ed up for months over this. I've already been thinking about quitting my job because I feel like I'm going to mess up. This hasn't even hit me yet.
I can promise you that you will never be the same after this, but "never being the same" can be both good and bad. For example, you may not just give away trust so easily anymore--and yet that can be a wise thing actually. You may not ever be as entangled with someone as you were with your wife, and yet being interdependent is healthier than being co-dependent so that's good. I'm not saying this to be a Pollyanna. I'm saying this because it is true--you will never be the same. But not all change is "bad." I want you to have some hope.
Regarding your job, here's my strong suggestion: let your boss know what you're going through, to whatever degree you feel comfortable. Chances are about 50% that your boss has been divorced, and about 100% that they know someone close who went through a divorce. Your boss may suggest taking some time off, but when you do go back to work, if you are distracted or less productive at least they'll know why and understand a little bit.
I feel like I'm going do something stupid and end up making the situation worse.
I said it before, right? EVERY choice has a benefit and a cost. Every decision you make will affect the situation and result in some benefit to you and some cost to you. Many people don't want to file because they are afraid...and they make the choice to "hope" and "do nothing." The benefit of "hoping" is that in their head they can be in denial and keep thinking "maybe it will be the way it was." The cost of "hoping" is that they aren't living in or dealing with reality! So I'm already proud of you. At a time when it hurts to even BREATHE you've made a decision for your own dignity and removed her things from the marital bedroom. You stood up for yourself, even if it was small but mighty! You did it! Good job.
From this point you can do it, @ddude23
. You can take YOUR time, and decide what YOU want, and allow her access to you when YOU want it...not when she does. YOU choose what boundaries you set and who you allow in to have intimate access to you. Right now, the situation is pretty bad, and even when most men literally crumble, you had the courage to be brave for yourself AND do the most loving thing for your wife that you can do: allow her to experience the consequence of choosing adultery. YOU will not make this situation worse--it is her actions that made this situation a disaster.
Here I am, sitting and crying in our home with our dog here. Talking to helpful internet strangers while my wife is out with another man. Am I really that disposable?
Did you know that my dog saved my life? I was a gal who always loved bigger dogs, like labs and collies, and my exH went off and spent $800 on a maltese without asking me. Then my exH took off with his Wistress and left me with this dumb lump of hair! But when I came home from work every day, he was at the door JUMPING because he was so happy to see me. He LOVED me. Wherever I went, he went. He was on my lap, in my face, barking and goofing around cheering me up. When I'd cry, he'd put his puppy head under my arm and make me pet him and then he'd lay on my lap and sort of sigh. Silly little guy. The thought of suicide crossed my mind, but I had kids and I had that crazy little dog.
Dogs can be angels at this time in life. KEEP your dog.
And bear in my that it is not you that is disposable. What is disposable is her morals and her honor. What is disposable is her reputation. What is disposable is her dignity...her beauty...her peace. All these things are valueless to her, and that is tragic. YOU are who you are, a loving, caring, thoughtful, kind, gentle, good, honorable, moral, dignified, tender-hearted man. In and of itself, those qualities have value. And this day and age, a person (male or female) who has that much character is a PRICELESS TREASURE.
The fact that she doesn't see it reflects her inability to see, not your worth. She's blind! Okay? Got it?