I don't understand. I really don't. Everything was fine and good. If she says anything else she's lying. Before her affair started she would text me she couldn't wait I couldn't get home to see me. We were that kind of couple. Just genuinely enjoyed being with each other. Never spent nights away from one another and never went to bed mad. Also a decent amount of sex, not a dead bedroom.
Everything gone like that. So many memories, pictures, trips. She was the best thing in my life and my best friend. We were so close I just feel like I've lost apart of me. I guess I was/am co dependent. She is too, even moreso than me. When will I accept that she's gone?
I offer this as a means for you to possibly understand, to the extent possible, what is going on in your W's mind or not going on as the case may be. You must realize that the overwhelming majority of cheaters are mentally underdeveloped. As you process thought you extract bits of data from various portions of your brain and compile it and extrapolate, projecting possible outcomes. This is the normal, mature way to makes decisions. If the projected outcome is negative, harmful, destructive or what have you the decision is made NOT to do or say the thing.
A large part of that process for developed intellects is the consideration of the projected outcome on others, this is empathy, being able to place yourself into someone else's situation and imagine how they would feel and to actually care about their feelings. Another part is self preservation, determining how the outcome will affect you and your future.
Now this is difficult but try to imagine if your underdeveloped brain, due to lack of synaptic connections and storage limitations, did not have ready access to the data or if the stored data was simply not there, never being put into long term storage What then? As a decision was contemplated what would you use to base any projected outcome on? If there is insufficient data then it is impossible that the resultant outcome will not be erroneous.
It may help you to think of it this way. Imagine yourself at Disneyworld, a place you may visit with your new W and child but I digress. Now imagine you, as the adult, are contemplating safety, schedule, financial considerations, weather concerns and so on. For you the park is not as simple as just having fun. Now consider the child. The child has no thought for the considerations you are pondering, they simply see the fun. They get off of one ride and immediately run to the next as you call for them to "slow down". Their thoughts are only about the next fun ride.
As the day progresses they suddenly stop in mid stride on their way to another ride and declare "I have to go to the bathroom". So you accommodate them. In another little while they pause again and say "I'm hungry", to which you respond "what do you want to eat" and they answer "I don't know" so you, as the adult, decide on the most prudent lunch menu.
Do you really expect the child to answer you by saying "well I have been expending a lot of energy, burning a lot of calories so I feel a meal consisting of a mixture of carbohydrates and protein, with a small amount of sugar would best facilitate my activities for the rest of the day as I continue to experience the opportunities for enjoyment that this park has to offer"? To expect such would be delusional for they are driven by instinct rather than cognitive thought. They go by feelings.
In this scenario you are the adult, your W is the child and life is the amusement park. To expect more from her would be inviting disappointment, she is not capable. For a time you were the "fun and exciting" ride, no pun intended, but now she has become tired of you and is off, running, to the next exciting ride. She has no concern for her safety, her future, her health but rather only knows that she is now "hungry" for more fun.
Now the next ride has less to offer than the ride she is on but that is not part of her thought process, she only thinks "it is new and different and will be better than this ride". No, or very very little, contemplative thought has gone into this "decision" and the outcome is therefore erroneous but she does not see it, her eyes are fixed on that next ride. Soon she will tire of that ride and her focus will shift to a new one.
Sometimes the cognitive process is dependent on more time and experience. In other words, sometimes the WS does process more of the available data as time and the experience of the new ride combine and they "come to their senses" and want to go back to the initial ride not understanding how badly they damaged that ride on their departure. I do not believe that your W is capable of that level of thought and will "run" from ride to ride throughout her time in Disneyworld.
If you do not find this helpful simply ignore it. I wish you well as you proceed.