World has been turned upside down in a day. - Page 31 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #451 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:52 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Personally, I'd have your sister get a copy of the OM's divorce decree when she's at the courthouse ... it's public record. My guess there is nothing in there about opposite sex co-habitation. Not that it really matters towards the end game, but it's always nice to have a little something in your back pocket to use at the right time to show WW that her OM is lying to her.

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post #452 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:00 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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You are saying that if he is barred from having a girlfriend stay over his house, it's because he cheated on his wife during the marriage, so a divorce court ordered this restriction?

Now I've heard everything.
I'm saying his wife insisted on it and he accepted it as part of their negotiations. I doubt she would have given something up unless she already knew there was a skank in the background. I would bet money he is a serial cheater.

Of course it's more than likely there is no restriction and he doesn't want her moving in. He's already getting what he wants from her and it ain't anything long term.
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post #453 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:04 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Originally Posted by MyRevelation View Post
Personally, I'd have your sister get a copy of the OM's divorce decree when she's at the courthouse ... it's public record. My guess there is nothing in there about opposite sex co-habitation. Not that it really matters towards the end game, but it's always nice to have a little something in your back pocket to use at the right time to show WW that her OM is lying to her.
Or he could just call the Posom's wife like he was told more than once and get the story behind this dirtbag.
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post #454 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Yeah you're all right. I'm taking the advice of elgirl and would like to thank her personally for that helpful and thoughtful response. I explained it all to the stbxw and she's agreeing to my terms. Tells me she cares "a lot" about my well being. Sure she does, anyway my sister is going to draw up the papers and starting next week I will be a man on his way to a new life.

I know my stbxw, I know she feels guilty but it's not enough. No mediation for us, turns out she doesn't really understand it. She looks at divorce as spouses battling it out nasty in court like her parents. Least she can do is make this easy for me.

Have not cried today, plus!! She said she would like me in her life after this is over. Not happening. Not after what she's done.

I am going to join meetup. I need to make friends. Women, men.
Play it cool until she signs the documents and then block her on everything. You can go completely dark and never have to hear from her again.
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post #455 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I don't want to learn more about the OM's past relationship. All I know is that he's a piece of **** and I won't give him the satisfaction of telling his ex wife. If he cheats or breaks my wife's heart it's not my problem. I am not going to show her how "bad he is" she will get hers soon enough.
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post #456 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Yeah you're all right. I'm taking the advice of elgirl and would like to thank her personally for that helpful and thoughtful response. I explained it all to the stbxw and she's agreeing to my terms. Tells me she cares "a lot" about my well being. Sure she does, anyway my sister is going to draw up the papers and starting next week I will be a man on his way to a new life.

I know my stbxw, I know she feels guilty but it's not enough. No mediation for us, turns out she doesn't really understand it. She looks at divorce as spouses battling it out nasty in court like her parents. Least she can do is make this easy for me.

Have not cried today, plus!! She said she would like me in her life after this is over. Not happening. Not after what she's done.

I am going to join meetup. I need to make friends. Women, men.
Yeah isn't it nice that she wants to friend-zone you? Tell her you don't stay friends with people who stab you in the back.

She wants you to be friends with her so she can assuage her guilt for what she did. If you forgive her and be nice she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. Total selfishness.
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post #457 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:31 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Yeah isn't it nice that she wants to friend-zone you? Tell her you don't stay friends with people who stab you in the back.

She wants you to be friends with her so she can assuage her guilt for what she did. If you forgive her and be nice she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. Total selfishness.
He needs to hold off on telling her that he will not 'be her friend'. Get the quick divorce papers signed, filed, and the judge do the final signing so that he's divorced. Then he can tell her to get out of his life.

He can ignore her mostly now (per 180) without antagonizing her until he has that divorce.

Last edited by EleGirl; 03-20-2017 at 10:19 PM.
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post #458 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:29 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

with all this POSOM baggage the WW might get a hunch and change her mind. Are you still open to R. I hope not.
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post #459 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:39 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

It's in his best interest to proceed quickly, before her relationship goes south and she either wants to R or demands more from a D.
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post #460 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:44 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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It's in his best interest to proceed quickly, before her relationship goes south and she either wants to R or demands more from a D.
Now is the "Opportune Moment"

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post #461 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:17 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I get the vibe that the posom is only using your wife for sex and will not commit to her in the future. When reality comes crashing down she might realize how badly she messed up and there is a chance she will try to reconnect with you. I think you need to be giving yourself a daily pep talk about how crazy you would be to take her back. This way if/when it happens you will already be programmed to respond in your best interest.

If this happens I don't think you would be wise to allow yourself to believe that she has learned her lesson and you guys can get on with a second chance together. People like her damage themselves in these affairs so that they become ineligible for good second marriages. You would be much better off to take your chances on someone else who you should carefully screen for infidelity in their past.

Good job in listening to Ele. Do the 180, go dark on your wife, ghost her as much as possible without undermining a smooth divorce. Be prepared for wife to start waking up to reality and making things tough. Just assure her she should "follow her heart" and wish her well. Once the divorce is done you can cut her loose any way you see fit. Good luck.
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post #462 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:54 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
I know my stbxw, I know she feels guilty but it's not enough. No mediation for us, turns out she doesn't really understand it. She looks at divorce as spouses battling it out nasty in court like her parents. Least she can do is make this easy for me.
Good to see you know women. Now if you're losing your hair, I've got some hair grower I want to sell you.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #463 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:53 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Originally Posted by MyRevelation View Post
Personally, I'd have your sister get a copy of the OM's divorce decree when she's at the courthouse ... it's public record. My guess there is nothing in there about opposite sex co-habitation. Not that it really matters towards the end game, but it's always nice to have a little something in your back pocket to use at the right time to show WW that her OM is lying to her.
Why? Again why should he spend one more moment with this women who treats him like garbage. Let her ruin her life and if it take a while for her to figure it out all the better, don't help her.
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post #464 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:57 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Why? Again why should he spend one more moment with this women who treats him like garbage. Let her ruin her life and if it take a while for her to figure it out all the better, don't help her. I sensing all the white knights just begging for R on this thread. First you break up her fantasy and they you will all run to tell him how she is showing remorse and now is a candidate for R.
I don’t think that anyone here is pushing him to try to recovery.

But that said, we are not here to push the OP to either recover or not recover. It’s his choice, whichever way he wants to go. And he has clearly stated that he wants a divorce.

Last edited by EleGirl; 03-21-2017 at 12:58 AM.
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post #465 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:27 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I'm always in favor of finding out stuff like that. Knowledge is power.

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