World has been turned upside down in a day. - Page 32 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #466 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:32 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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post #467 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:33 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Why? Again why should he spend one more moment with this women who treats him like garbage. Let her ruin her life and if it take a while for her to figure it out all the better, don't help her. I sensing all the white knights just begging for R on this thread. First you break up her fantasy and they you will all run to tell him how she is showing remorse and now is a candidate for R.
I don’t think that anyone here is pushing him to try to recovery.

But that said, we are not here to push the OP to either recover or not recover. It’s his choice, whichever way he wants to go. And he has clearly stated that he wants a divorce.
I changed my post I was too harsh, but OP needs to think strategically right now not emotionally.

Last edited by EleGirl; 03-21-2017 at 12:59 AM. Reason: fixed broken quote
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post #468 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 02:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Reconciliation is not in our future. She seems so happy. Getting to enjoy life with her boyfriend and his kids. All while I'm sitting here trying to mend my broken heart and figure out where we went wrong. Telling people we know me and have had a rocky relationship behind the scenes (another lie) go figure.

I'll never forget. Reading the text she sent me telling me she's out with OM and doesn't know when she'll be home. Reading her texts of her speaking of how I neglect her. How she wants to run away with him and be his princess. How much she loves him and seeing him is the highlight of her day. How is she going to give him "private dance lessons". On our anniversary she was texting him how much it sucked that she was with me and not with him. Funny how she insisted we go out and had such a fun time. She was laughing and told me how much she loved me. Just makes no sense.

I won't ever reconcile with her. I'm extremely sad our marriage is ending and this is the way she has decided to end it. She has ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I only pity her future partners. This isn't the woman I married and I'll have to accept that. I am moving on.
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post #469 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:19 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

You'll be OK, @ddude23. You're not there yet, but one day you'll wake up and realize that you just don't care anymore and you're ready to put all of that energy trying to understand her crud into your future wellbeing instead.

I still don't have answers that I used to rail over in my brain re: my ex H. But I will never have them and it just doesn't matter anymore. I reflect on what happened as a lesson learned, but I don't bother trying to pick it apart anymore.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #470 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 06:57 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

This was the woman that you married. As Maya Angelou said, when someone tells you who they are you believe them. Nobody tells you who they are right away. You're very lucky you found out when you did. Five years from now you'll be way better off and just look back on this time as a learning experience.

As for quotes for your present state of mind let me give you my favorite by Marcus Aurelius

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

What he's saying is that, right now, you have the capacity to be as happy as you want to be, and it looks like you're well on the path to doing so.

Get her served asap.

----
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post #471 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 08:20 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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I'll never forget. Reading the text she sent me telling me she's out with OM and doesn't know when she'll be home. Reading her texts of her speaking of how I neglect her. How she wants to run away with him and be his princess. How much she loves him and seeing him is the highlight of her day. How is she going to give him "private dance lessons". On our anniversary she was texting him how much it sucked that she was with me and not with him. Funny how she insisted we go out and had such a fun time. She was laughing and told me how much she loved me. Just makes no sense.
I keep telling you guys that there ain't nothing as uncaring, detached, and unsympathetic as a woman who has lost interest in a man. They make corporate raiders making hostile takeovers look tenderhearted. Take my word for it dawg, what you're reading in the text messages is minor compared to what she's telling him while practicing the horizontal mambo. If you have an sense at all, and I'm taking your post at face value, you'll tell big sis to kick in the turbocharges on the divorce and rid yourself of this jackal ASAP.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #472 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
Reconciliation is not in our future. She seems so happy. Getting to enjoy life with her boyfriend and his kids. All while I'm sitting here trying to mend my broken heart and figure out where we went wrong. Telling people we know me and have had a rocky relationship behind the scenes (another lie) go figure.

I'll never forget. Reading the text she sent me telling me she's out with OM and doesn't know when she'll be home. Reading her texts of her speaking of how I neglect her. How she wants to run away with him and be his princess. How much she loves him and seeing him is the highlight of her day. How is she going to give him "private dance lessons". On our anniversary she was texting him how much it sucked that she was with me and not with him. Funny how she insisted we go out and had such a fun time. She was laughing and told me how much she loved me. Just makes no sense.

I won't ever reconcile with her. I'm extremely sad our marriage is ending and this is the way she has decided to end it. She has ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I only pity her future partners. This isn't the woman I married and I'll have to accept that. I am moving on.
Sorry it has gone sour. Your STBXW likes the shiny and new. Eventually it gets dull and old.
Quote:
seeing him is the highlight of her day
....that is not going to last I assure you.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #473 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:58 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Why? Again why should he spend one more moment with this women who treats him like garbage. Let her ruin her life and if it take a while for her to figure it out all the better, don't help her.
Let's just say I have a vindictive streak in me ... if someone were to so joyfully screw me over like OP's WW is at present, then when her fantasy bubble bursts, I'd very much like to have some evidence to rub in her face to show her just how stupid she was to get played by such a worm, and how she pissed away the best thing that ever happened to her over a string of LIES.

... but that's just me.
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post #474 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:41 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I agree with @eric1, find out all you can, it may be useful leverage if need be. If not then so be it, but at least you were prepared. As for the divorce, push that forward as hard as you can, whatever it takes. Hopefully the divorce goes through before OM's kids say, your not my mom. I wouldn't rock the boat until the divorce is signed by the judge, after that I'd nuke the boat and the harbor. Expose far and wide, this will end all the lies that everyone have been told. That's what I would do.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #475 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 01:35 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Dude,

After reading your last post and after forgetting some of the earlier things said to you, please pardon me if I am being repetitive, but:

WAKE UP!!!! Your wife, that you claim to be seeing for the first time and so hurt about is the same seelf centered abomination that she has always been. You have some serious self esteem problems.

She can be happy with whomever happens to be attracted to her stench. She was not beautiful, she was not nice, she was not caring, she was not "wife" material. Who she is now is who she has always been.
.
You are not losing a wife, you are losing a problem. You are not getting the crappy end of the stick, you are getting a gift that you were too blind to see all along. That gift is that TROLL of a woman out of your life.

Good people don't become evil like this. Evil people just stop being able to hide their true nature. WAKE UP. Recite it out loud daily as you stand in a power position (think superman-there is science to this believe it or not). 3 minutes a day, chest up, hands on hips, chin up, power pose and recite that you are awesome. Then, after doing that, throw something of hers away or something that is a memory of her. Recite Garbage out of my life. Her thoughts no longer matter. her feelings no longer matter. Her happiness no longer matters. She does not matter. Start it right now.

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post #476 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:38 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Like some one said she had been evaluating her best deal for months while sweet talking to both of you. Looks like she is good at double talk, so be careful about her showing concern for your welfare. thinking and analyzing what happened and what she did to you has no positive outcome and delay your recovery. You better stay more time away from the home mixing with people who care about you. Also always tell her you are keeping the house. Her new found concern for you may be to give POSOM the deal. I think being a little timid in the marriage and facing infidelity has a strong correlation

Last edited by curious234; 03-21-2017 at 05:49 PM.
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post #477 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:58 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Total NC - other than logistical stuff regarding the kids - will help you detach from her the fastest. Be strong and resist any temptation you have to see or communicate with her. If you can do this for a single week you will notice that you are feeling more confident and after a month you'll be on your way to living without her. Your heart will still be broken and it's going to take longer to heal but detaching is the first step. Good luck...
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post #478 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 07:50 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Stop talking to her unless it's about the divorce or the kids.
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post #479 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 08:32 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

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Stop talking to her unless it's about the divorce or the kids.
He and soon STBXW do not have children.

The kids he is talking about are OM's
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post #480 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I would strongly encourage you to read Larry Winget's "Grow A Pair". You seem to relish being a doormat. You have to man up sir.

If you are going through hell keep on going-Winston Churchhill
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