World has been turned upside down in a day. - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 12:12 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I'm so very sorry honey for the shock and pain you are going through. I am very curious to hear what the circumstances were that she opted to tell you about this emotional affair? If you didn't catch her, and she came to you on her own, she may very well be telling you the truth.

I know I will be in the minority here, but I do think it is possible that it hadn't become physical yet. Good people do make mistakes, and many of them could be slow to allow something to go from emotional to physical. Telling themselves it was "harmless flirting" they have done or the like.

So if I look at this from the thought process of her having gotten emotionally involved with him, but then confessed to you about it because she was feeling guilty, there could be a lot of hope still possible for your marriage.

I agree with other posters who have said these types of things:

She has to have no contact with the OM. If she is under contract to teach his daughter, she may need to reimburse the family and also pay for another teacher to replace her.

Verify if OM is indeed divorced or not, and if he isn't, tell his wife. If he is, tell his family. Also tell your wife's parents and your parents.

If she one more time says she doesn't know if she can stay away from him, serve her divorce papers. You can stop them anytime, but this will bring her back into reality.


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post #47 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 12:26 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
She has said it has not become physical in any sense. I'm told their relationship was strictly bound to texting or snap chatting. She has said she has developed "feelings". I'm not sure how this even started, I've feel like I have been hit by a freight train. No signs of unhappiness from her. For some reason I believe her... I don't know if I'm in denial about my wife with another man or what...
Nobody gets the full and honest confession in the beginning, it's called trickle truth. You believe because you want to believe her, not because she is believable. Yes, you've been hit by a train, your in shock right now.

Your wife thinks she holds all the cards right now, you need to take back control of your life. Get an appointment with a lawyer and find out what the divorce laws in your state are. Investigate her cell phone/computer records. Do not try and protect her or the situation, start exposing this affair, they thrive on secrecy. The quicker and more "in control" you appear the more she will question her decisions.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #48 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 12:30 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I hope that Spicy ^ is right but in so many of these post the "swearing that nothing happened" is sadly a lie.

Until she admits more with TT, or you dig and find some evidence, you won't know the truth and will believe that 2 adults who are in an affair, didn't hookup in 4 months.
Since she is on the fence it may be time for to decide for her. The only thing you can do is tell her to go as you cannot force her to stay. File D papers, you can stop the D at any time.
Good chance he is not 100% divorced. Do some investigating.

Work thru the shock and get strong, talk to your friends and family in real life.
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post #49 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 01:42 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

@drifting on advise is sound regardless if OM is married or not. He is there to support his daughters love of dance, not use his daughter as a prop to get laid. Second her business is at risk. I would ask the female posters how they would feel if their husband or ex did the same thing how it would impact the WW business. Two classic posts I have saved:


Part one Basic links for a BS to know*

First accept that your WS is already gone. *All forms of adultery are exit events. *If the marriage reaches this point you will be divorced. *Adultery is not an affair. *Saying it is would be like comparing self defense homicide to murder. *They are not the same. *If you take swift action your spouse may ask to reconcile but for today accept it is over,

This link will help you build a buffer from the emotional upheaval in your life and think clearly: *remember clarity is the goal:*Critical Readings For Separation and Divorce - LoveShack.org Community Forums

This link while posted for a WS looking to reconcile will actual provide you a great deal of insight into first yourself and then if *reconciliation is attempted what to look for.
Things that every wayward spouse needs to know - LoveShack.org Community Forums

This link will provide you with why and how your WS will respond and is a good point to start to understand the Fog and blame shifting. *Your WS will attempt to justify their choices. *The more angry their response, the more adamant they are that this is your fault is actually a indication that they are in a panic and are trying to shift blame. *Push back hard and keep pushing back. *For example I don't feel connect to you because ..... *Your response: fine but that is a reason for divorce not adultery.
Critical Readings For Separation and Divorce - LoveShack.org Community Forums

Exposure is a must. *Even if you have no desire to reconcile you need to drive the OP out of your divorce. *The quickest way to turn a simple divorce into a nightmare is to have a third party telling your WS "that's not fair to you". *Remember your spouse will need to "win" big in the divorce to prove to the work what a horrible person you are. *Your not, so expose*Critical Readings For Separation and Divorce - LoveShack.org Community Forums
Note you need to exposure to children if you have them. *This site recommends to expose to any child over the age of four, *Do so without graphic details and own those issues that are your's that created the environment that your spouse choose to respond to by committing adultery.*

Additional Reading links*

How to survive * * *How to Survive an Affair

First here to work towards forgiveness*
The Policy of Joint Agreement

What is Just Compensation? - Marriage Builders® Forums

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #50 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 01:44 AM
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Red face Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

@Marc878 shared this with me . Really helpful so I thought I would share.

12 Things I Learned in the First 12 Weeks of the Affair

Wayfarer 6 February, 2014
1. Tears Don’t Move Active Cheaters
Tears Don't Move Active CheatersWe can’t understand how our upset and devastation can be so cruelly and cavalierly dismissed or ignored, and yet it happens time and time again. We sob and wail and gnash teeth. We guilt and accuse and reproach. And yet, it’s as if they’ve been coated with some sort of emotional Teflon! All our grief and distress slides off them like a fried egg in a non-stick pan. It doesn’t even stick if we break apart.

An active cheater will do anything they can to separate themselves from any form of histrionics. They might tell themselves that it’s just manipulative melodrama, designed to make them feel badly about what they’re doing. They might even enjoy warm and fuzzy feelings that they’re so desirable that they have you swooning and fighting over them. They are most probably sharing your anguish as a source of great amusement and delighted ridicule between them and their affair partner.

If you don’t find yourself crying through this at some point, something’s wrong. Tears are your physical expression of your emotional state, and even if they don’t make you feel better, there is some relief to releasing the emotional floodgates.

“It is some relief to weep; grief is satisfied and carried off by tears.”
~ Ovid
If you do cry, don’t make a performance out of it for your cheater. Take yourself somewhere quiet and cry, scream, and vent it out, just for yourself.

2. Your Commitment Doesn’t Trump Their Entitlement
Part of remaining stuck in the worst of it is your refusal to accept your new reality. It’s incredibly difficult to understand why they don’t reciprocate when you’re committed and faithful. The Why? question becomes such a huge obstacle that you just can’t see beyond.

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”
~ Elizabeth Edwards
A cheater who continues an affair after it has been exposed or discovered, feels entitled to do so. They might believe that they are in love with their affair partner, or they might believe that you would never leave them. They could also feel that they deserve their affair as some karmic balance for some hurt or misfortune in their life.

No matter their reason, your continued investment and love won’t effect change in them. They have committed to a course of action, they’ve already decided that their affair is more important to them than the loss of you and their marriage. They may even enjoy having you at home, cooking, cleaning, washing their socks, and looking after the bills and the kids – in fact, you might be giving them all the at-home support that they need to be able to continue their affair.

3. There Can be Real Kindness in Strangers
Don’t underestimate the depth of compassion and support you find in infidelity support forums, and other support groups. Don’t underestimate how willing perfect strangers can be to offer you real and practical support and assistance.

The Kindness of Strangers

I tend not to personalize the posts to this site, but I am going to take this opportunity to thank the strangers who reached out to me with offers of financial help, care packages, and going out of their way to whisk me away from the madness for a few hours, and even buy me dinner. My gratitude to these people is immense – their kindness and support humbles me to this day. Not all the people who did let me lean on them will ever read this post, but the sentiment is out there in the cosmos, and this site exists partly in their honor.

4. Compassion Comes in Many Forms, and it Doesn’t Always Agree With You
Have you found yourself being irritated, angry, or upset with someone in an infidelity support forum, who has posted something that made you uncomfortable or annoyed you? There are a lot of good people on forums like these, whose perspective and experience gives them a different insight into your situation. Many people can see an alternative reality to the one that you see. Other people can view holes in your rationale, inconsistencies with your thinking, and when your choices seem unhealthy. That someone cares enough to take the time and make the effort to respond to you is their gift to you.

It’s easy to only see compassion in those whose views, beliefs, and style mirror your own, but people in support forums are there because they want to help others through a difficult situation. In my first 12 weeks, I found that no matter how different the views were to mine, people were there to listen, respond, and listen some more. People give up their free time in support forums willingly, and without an expectation of any reciprocation or compensation. Those people were a lifeline for me then – our differences did not lessen their concern and compassion, nor my gratitude for it.

6. Looking Through Your Wedding Photographs as a Terrible Idea
Enough said really. It’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that you know better, that it won’t affect you negatively. It will – there may not be an immediate fallout, but the tears and the upset will come. Yes, I speak from specific experience!

Try to put these types of photographs and memorabilia out of the way while your cheater is still in their affair. Keep them safely (don’t burn them in a fit of pique) until you’re emotionally ready to make a decision about keeping them or otherwise.

7. Laugh Often and Loudly
Chat IconsmallTransI know, it can feel like you will never laugh again, but you will, I promise you. Try to have some fun away from the affair drama – if you want someone to lift your spirits who understands what you’re going through, you are always welcome in the IHG Chat Room. Just pop in and say that you need some distraction from the gravity and angst of it all. Call a friend, go out for coffee, go to a movie … anything that will redirect you and let you laugh a little. It’s worth it.

8. There’s Always Someone Trying to Impose Their Agenda on You
Society, religious counselors, marriage counselors, pro-marriage forums, pro-divorce forums, sex addiction proponents, family, friends … Everyone has an agenda.

Some view your marriage remaining intact as the primary goal post-infidelity. Others may have a personal stake in your relationship and perhaps a personal axe to grind with your cheater. People give advice based in their own version of an ideal outcome for you – and that outcome might not be in your sole or best interests.

This site is no different. We do have an agenda, and it’s scrawled in bold type on nearly every page of the website. Our agenda is that you emerge from the affair with clear thinking, empowered to move forward in your life towards your own goals, your self-esteem intact, your own welfare secured, and you fully aware of the implications and authentic reasons behind your own decisions.

We won’t judge you negatively for deciding to stay for financial reasons, or leaving because you can get a really fantastic divorce settlement – in fact, we give you props for not shrouding it in inauthentic – though perhaps more ‘socially acceptable’ – excuses.

9. Affairs Highlight Patterns
Once you’ve had a few months of standing back and observing and questioning your active cheater’s behaviors, you will start to see patterns emerge.

The faithful spouse generally will claim that their cheater’s affair is completely out of character, and it can certainly feel that way. But if you start to peel back the layers, you can start to identify patterns in their behavior that are echoed in their affair mind-set. After a while it becomes obvious that the affair is just an extension of already-present attitudes and world view, it’s just that you had no cause to really examine it before. Maybe you can identify your cheater’s traits in these?:

I am always hard done by and downtrodden, treated badly by everyone, even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it.
I want the kind of good life I see in others and in the media so will take it where I can in that new TV, or designer suit, or big house. I deserve/am owed this minimum happiness.
My dysfunctional childhood has affected me and that’s why I can behave badly, but if you love me, you’ll understand me and make allowances.
I have an issue with impulse control and that’s why we’re deeply in debt.
I’ve always flirted and like to be the center of attention – it’s harmless.
I am edgy and deep and have a greater understanding of the meaning of life than others.
I am not constrained by conventional societal rules and structures, and I am amused and superior to those who buy into such artificial constructs.
My world view is one that I shall never change, and I will not be swayed into changing my attitudes, approach, views, or opinions.
10. You are Not the Person They Married
We all change over time, and we often change as a result of our changing circumstances. Being single, living by your own say so, under your own financial steam, and loving your independence while having fun in your relationship might be where you started.

2.4 kids, a dog, and a mortgage later, laundry bins overflowing, bills piling up on your desk, the car dying, a job you hate but pays well enough to support the family … life has taken its toll. You probably stopped hobbies you loved, lost touch with people you loved and had fun with, you might not be able to afford to keep going to kick boxing and cooking cruises … all these things change you.

Use this time to start to relearn how to be you. Discard the parts of you that you collected along the way that you don’t like so much, and focus on the parts of you that you love. Do things that bring out your verve for life, your fun side, your aspirations and flights of fancy. Don’t let their affair turn you into a shriveled, angry, codependent shadow of yourself.

11. Let Go
Let GoI am not suggesting you give up if you harbor dreams of a future with your active cheater, but I am saying that you have to look at this eyes wide open. They’ve chosen. They’ve chosen their affair over your relationship, and I know how it hurts to read that. A good friend of mine told me, “You lost, accept it and move on.” Ouch. But he was 100% on point.

Clinging on to an active cheater will likely cause them to ricochet further into their affair, and further away from you. Let go. Start to focus on your own life – don’t hold onto theirs by stalking them (or the affair partner) on Facebook. Stop trying to stay involved in your cheater’s life and relationship by checking their phone, reading their emails, trying to engage them in meaningful discussions about your marriage. Don’t weaponize your kids against them. Let go.

A cheater may return, they may not. The question isn’t what they’re doing – the question is about YOU and YOUR life, and how you want to live.

Let go – start living in singledom – figure out how to fix the faucet, go where you want when you want, start living a life – plug back into who you are. Leave them to it. If they come back, it shouldn’t be automatic that you accept them – by then, you might prefer life without them, to life with them.

12. Affair Fog? It’s You Who’s in it!
Your emotions are a bad influence on you right now. I know, you feel how you feel and you can’t switch that off very easily, even if you wanted to. However, if you removed the emotions that are clouding this whole situation and really looked at your cheater, who they are, how they behaved when the chips were down, how they responded to your anguish, it’s probably an ugly picture.

Two questions I often pose in the Chat Room here, are these:

1. If you met this person (your active cheater) for the first time, and saw all of this in them, would you even date them, let alone commit your whole future to them?

I haven’t yet had a single person answer that affirmatively with any seriousness.

2. If you were a multi billionaire, would you be making the choices that you are currently making?

Again, I have yet to hear anyone answer that they would make identical choices.

Our responses to this mess are influenced by our emotional state, our circumstances, and our personal values. The problem with our emotional state affecting our responses is that our feelings change, they’re mutable. Positive or negative feelings can wax and wane, and as such, they’re a really poor foundation upon which to base your decisions.

The reality that you face of financial insecurity, dependence, your home, your children, your future, is real. Try to put aside your emotional clouding and make choices that improve on each of those situations, preparing for the eventuality that you could well be facing life without your cheater. Think of how you feel today as an illusion that will change with time … because your feelings will eventually change towards an active cheater flaunting their affair.

Your Future
You can’t predict your future, but you can make robust and sensible plans that will assure your security, well-being, and independence. You know your circumstances today, and you know if they provide you with independent means, an ability to provide yourself a home and support yourself without reliance on anyone else. If that is NOT where your life is, that is where to start heading. Your life and happiness is not contingent on your active cheater and THEIR choices.

Get your life on track and viable in its own right, and then, if your cheater comes to you, cap in hand, you will have a new kickass attitude, a new focus, and a new sense of self-worth that says, “You know what? If you think you’re a good potential mate for my future, prove it.” And who knows, by then you might be dating someone else, who has never cheated on anyone, and you might find you prefer it.

When your world implodes you have to adapt to survive and thrive. You have to seize the opportunity to become who you want to be, who you are proud to be, even if your newly shaped peg doesn’t fit into the mold of your old hole.


Dang I lost my copy of just let them go!!! Anyone got a link?

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #51 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 06:50 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Who knows if it's "just" a EA or already a PA or about to be a PA. Maybe it is of importance for you, maybe not.

She is basically asking you for permission to be with OM while continuing to be married to you. You either throw down the hammer and crush this thing (and maybe your marriage in the process if she is not willing or able to give the A up and work on herself, or you may want to D regardless) or you drag along with counseling, therapy, "working on your M" and other stuff that give her time and are signs of weakness and will be interpreted as permission for her to continue the A ("BH did not leave me although I told him I can't leave OM alone so he must be ok.").

That's what the "I don't know if I can't go NC with him." is about. She does not want to end it, if you don't show her consequences you are basically allowing her to continue.

You have to show her that you will not accept this behaviour. No MC while she is still in contact. Get legal counsel, separate finances, secure assets, have D papers drawn up, collect info for exposure etc. You have to hit hard.

Last edited by rzmpf; 03-16-2017 at 07:00 AM.
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post #52 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 07:06 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

The Dude,

You will never "Nice" her back. Her reasoning is so clouded in infatuation the decade you have been together means nothing at this point.

She says the affair has been going on 4+ months. I would suspect much longer. Always remember... Cheaters always lie to minimize truth.

Physical? She's not a 15 year old high schooler.

The confession? Either it's gone physical or she wants it to. My guess she's baiting you to file for divorce to "wash her hands" of guilt.

It's ultimatum time... don't play the "pick me" dance.

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying... Andy, Shawshank Redemption.
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post #53 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 07:23 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Wake up sir! It is physical and time for BOLD action from you. Shock and awe is what you need. Nice in this situation in an exercise in futility. I would definitely show up at the class an confront. Step 1. Next you expose to her family and your family and close friends. Step 2. Remove all photos of you and her that are weding related. Step 3.
Next you take off your ring and hand it to het letting her know you will not live in I fidelity and that she has a decision to make. Step 4.

This in my opinion should be done the same day you confrontation her class. You are in a precarious position, but the pick me dance shows nothing but weakness. Be bold, shock her. What do you have to lose but your self respect. OH, one last thing, kick her out of your bedroom for the time being.

And yes, it is physical. She is in the land of unicorns and rainbows right now. Your mission is to knock her down to earth.

If you are going through hell keep on going-Winston Churchhill
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post #54 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 07:31 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Emotional affairs are just as bad as physical affairs. Her body is not a territory to be conquered, it is freely given after the heart has been won. Her heart has been won. She's probably given her body as a reward.

Go get tested for STDs, and make sure that she knows that you're doing that. Ignore her claims of physical fidelity, because she's done far worse already.

As far as admitting her EA, this is most likely due to it being obvious to another party or parties, and she feels the need to control the narrative before someone else does.
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post #55 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:05 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
She has said it has not become physical in any sense. I'm told their relationship was strictly bound to texting or snap chatting. She has said she has developed "feelings". I'm not sure how this even started, I've feel like I have been hit by a freight train. No signs of unhappiness from her. For some reason I believe her... I don't know if I'm in denial about my wife with another man or what...
ddude,

The likelihood of this not being physical, with 4 months of contact (if that's true), the opportunity to meet, and her risky confession; is extremely small. To such an extent that you have to assume it's a PA, until you have evidence to the contrary. Cheaters lie. Nearly all of them.

I'm not sure why she confessed, but it's probably for one or both of two reasons - someone else found out about and she feared they would tell you, so she's trying to get in front of it by only admitting to an EA; and/or she's at the point in her A where she's willing to risk her marriage to open the door to be with him regularly. You can bet that they've discussed that scenario.

As others have advised, and this can't be emphasized enough - don't allow yourself to be her plan B. Take action now. Not tomorrow, not next week. That is, if you want a chance to save your marriage.

She will stop contact immediately, and allow you to verify that no-contact, or you will start the divorce process immediately. No trial separation, no time for her to think it through, no negotiation. It's simply a binary choice for her. You will not give her the opportunity to take him for a test run, while you stand by and be her safety net.

Let us know what she decides and we can go from there.

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post #56 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

I feel like she's going back and forth on what she wants to do. She has not mentioned divorce. She wants to try a counsel session today and see how it goes. I feel like maybe it can't hurt. To get everything out maybe. I'm just not understanding at all. Now I feel stupid for believing her about not being physical. I was looking at our wedding pictures, looking at all texts and notes she's given over the years telling me she loves me. I feel horrible and like my stomach is about to drop.

My sister is a lawyer, a very good one at that and she's in the same town as us. I'm going to give her a call and ask to meet with her. She has always told me if I ever needed anything then to go to her. I feel like I am just going to vent about everything.
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post #57 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:49 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Listen to Lonely Husband. Tough love time.
Go to the class and confront both of them. In the loudest voice possible, tell all of the parents that she is having an affair with one of the fathers. That should tie a can to her tail. Daddy dearest, tell him the now his kid know and his ex will find out soon.

The wife, she gets a set of divorce papers. Let her know in no uncertain terms that her life as she knew it is over. If she wants him, then go to him WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, NOT EVEN HER REPUTATION. As far as everyone will know, she is a *****. (Get tough, be tough, she needs to be shocked half to death.)

After the smoke clears, then and only then can you assess whether you want this marriage. AND LET HER KNOW THAT THE MARRIAGE IS NOW OVER FOR YOU! SHE NEEDS TO EARN YOU BACK.
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post #58 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
I feel like she's going back and forth on what she wants to do. She has not mentioned divorce. She wants to try a counsel session today and see how it goes. I feel like maybe it can't hurt. To get everything out maybe. I'm just not understanding at all. Now I feel stupid for believing her about not being physical. I was looking at our wedding pictures, looking at all texts and notes she's given over the years telling me she loves me. I feel horrible and like my stomach is about to drop.

My sister is a lawyer, a very good one at that and she's in the same town as us. I'm going to give her a call and ask to meet with her. She has always told me if I ever needed anything then to go to her. I feel like I am just going to vent about everything.
Dude,

For heavens sake, wake up. She wants some therapist to tell her its OK and that she can continue to have contact with him until she sorts it out. HAS SHE OFFERED TO STOP THE AFFAIR??? if the answer to that is no, what the hell are you going to therapy for, to find out why she wants to have sex with both of you. her deciding if she wants to continue to see where it goes means you share your wife. o you get that????

You do not go to therapy with an active cheater. So when you leave this session, is it Ok with you for her to go to dance class tonight to be with him????
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post #59 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 10:04 AM
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Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Counseling when one is involved in an affair it not typically helpful. If you go, be silent, don't say a word. You will hear a bunch of crap from your wife, DON'T RESPOND. It will more than likely be hateful. You have been warned.

You have been gut punched. Need to do the 180.

Typically a cheater will minimize the truth. e.g. I only sex texted him a few times. In my instance, my wife sex texted her first guy, thousands of times, sometimes staying up till 5:30 A.M., get a few hours sleep and start up again at 7:30, A.M. for weeks on end. Or we only kissed=cheater code for "We Had Sex". or "we only had sex once"=cheater code for "We had sex many times".

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
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post #60 of 612 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 10:06 AM
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Display strength. My FWW saw a side of me she wish she had never seen. I tried to be a nice guy after my time in the Corps. I exposed to POSOM wife, friends, family (hers and mine)took off my ring and left it on our dresser,burned our bed in a bondfire and texted her a picture and left town for almost six weeks.

Point being her head was spinning like a tornado by the time I got done.

I will impart to you these words from Parris...improvise, adapt, and overcome. You are at war for your marriage. Women respect strength not weakness. Counseling right now in my opinion is worthless. My guess is she will blameshift to the reason for affair to you in the session. If this occurs get up and walk out.
Lonely husband 42301 is online now  
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