Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Warm in the summer, cold in the winter
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.
I know the posters here seem harsh, myself included telling you to insert yourself into OM's face. The fact of this is, being nice to her now is weakness. I'm not saying to be mean or cruel, but to say MC won't work. IC won't work for her, she will only lie to her IC anyway.
Here is what I learned, I was in shock, disbelief, devastated, and destroyed. I stood alone surrounded by nothing but smoking ruins of what my world had essentially been at this point in my life. I lost my beliefs, I lost my faith in God, I was truly alone. I attempted suicide, I failed, so it's very important you seek professional help. I'm not saying you will attempt suicide, but I can tell you your thought process is severely affected by your trauma.
First thing you need to do is clear your head. Understand your thoughts are racing and fleeting now. Begin to think what you may decide to do now, but I recommend a big decision needs to wait six months. As I said earlier you need to file for divorce, you can stop this later on if you decide to. Have your wife served at work, this will begin to help the fantasy to crumble. When your wife is at work, move her belongings to a spare room. She is forbidden from the marital bed until she decides she is for your marriage. Begin the 180, you can find this here at TAM.
You need to go to her work, confront OM, get his name and search him through social media accounts such as, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and whatever else you find him in. Get to know him well without talking to him after you have confronted him. Tell your wife's parents what is happening, tell them your wife may need support at this time. Tell her family you have filed for divorce, you listed adultery and OM as the reasons for divorce. Be at every dance class OM's daughter attends with your wife as instructor. Do not allow either of them to breathe without you in there faces.
You need to truly show you are content with divorcing and losing this marriage. Do not help or speak to your wife about anything. Separate finances and stop funding whatever you do for her. Talk to your attorney about the legal way to do this. Show her that her world of fantasy is ending now, consequences are now rapidly coming her way. Tell her the divorce is going to be streamlined by you to the fastest conclusion as long as no contact with OM is not continuing.
Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
Last edited by drifting on; 03-16-2017 at 11:03 AM.