, "I miss you" means they've been spending time together, and that means...
Well, you know exactly
what that means.
She's not mentioned divorce because she knows there's no coming back from that. That or she doesn't want you to get the jump on her and file first, because that would interfere w/ her plans for a clean exit.
Either way, what she wants is for you to be cool w/ allowing her to have the time and space that she wants to openly
test drive this guy.
What she needs
is to know that you're aware of PRECISELY what this means:
If she feels like she has to or deserves to or wants to (or whatever) make a choice between the two of you, she's already made the choice, and it ain't you.
I know you're spinning right now.
I know you're hurting right now.
But your one and only shot at getting out of this w/ your marriage, sanity, and dignity intact is to take yourself out of the running.
Make her understand that, if she feels like she has to choose, she's already chosen, and that you're no longer a choice for her.
And hey, if the worst that comes of this approach is that you "lose" someone that didn't love or value you enough to remain faithful, at least your sanity and dignity will remain intact.
, another poster here, has (or at least once had) a signature that I'll attempt
to paraphrase here...
"I don't play games. Either you're in or you're out. You're either '**** YES' or '**** NO'."
Not sure that it's worth mentioning to her that she's likely as "in love" with the idea of being an "instant mom" / stepmom as she is w/ OM.