World has been turned upside down in a day. - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 1329Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #121 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:33 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SE USA
Posts: 2,417
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
My sister does represent divorce cases. She has told me not to leave our home. This is all happening so fast, I'm not sure how to handle it. She is saying nothing happened between them. She's lying to me and doesn't even care about how upset I am, who is this person? My sister has told me if we divorce I will most likely have to pay her spousal support because of the income differences. She wants to represent me and has told me she won't take any money from me but I don't want to burden her so I might not.

As for my wife, she is not apologizing or anything. Told me she has not loved me in years. She went off to go teach and I threw all her stuff out of our bedroom. I threw all photos of us around the house in a garbage bag. All she said was we'll talk when she gets home. After all we have been through I can't believe she is letting this guy come between us. Before this she was a loving, supportive, loyal wife.
Your wife is now a cheater in love with another man. SHE IS NO LONGER THE SWEET WIFE YOU HAD BEFORE THE AFFAIR. Stop thinking of her as that woman. That woman is dead and gone. Destroyed by the person who is now your wife.

Let your sister handle the divorce. She will be on your side.

Stop trying to figure out how and why this happened. You will never arrive at a logical reason. The simple fact is that your wife is now a self-centered, selfish, immoral, woman who cares nothing about you. Accept it and move on.

TDSC60 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #122 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:36 PM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,363
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

When she gets home, tell her there is nothing to talk about, that her actions are clearly indicating her choice.

You see, she NEEDS to blame this on you. Then in her head, she can justify her affair. Don't even give her the satisfaction.

Hold your hand up and say:

"Conversation about our relationship is for when you are committed to us. Your actions tell me that is not the case."

Then walk away.

If she says she hasn't loved you for years, shrug your shoulders and say:

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

She wants to engage you. She needs to. She has to shift the blame and get a rise out of you because then she was right about you all along, and it will further cement the affair in her head.

When she says it was not physical, or any other statement you know to be false:

"I'm not okay with lying."

No conversation should last longer than two minutes.

Ddude, it is time to grab your sack. This will require strength you do not feel you have, but it is there. It has just been hidden behind being a husband first and then a man, rather than vice versa.

Take control of your life, brother. Start tonight.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is online now  
post #123 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:40 PM
Member
 
Chaparral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 11,482
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Btw, have your sister run a full background check on the Posom? If it's been going on this long I can't believe he hasn't talked her out of the marriage already.......unless he is doing what men usually are doing in this situation, playing her.
No matter his marital status find his wife/ex wife and talk to her.
Chaparral is offline  
 
post #124 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:42 PM
Member
 
honcho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 2,582
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
My sister does represent divorce cases. She has told me not to leave our home. This is all happening so fast, I'm not sure how to handle it. She is saying nothing happened between them. She's lying to me and doesn't even care about how upset I am, who is this person? My sister has told me if we divorce I will most likely have to pay her spousal support because of the income differences. She wants to represent me and has told me she won't take any money from me but I don't want to burden her so I might not.

As for my wife, she is not apologizing or anything. Told me she has not loved me in years. She went off to go teach and I threw all her stuff out of our bedroom. I threw all photos of us around the house in a garbage bag. All she said was we'll talk when she gets home. After all we have been through I can't believe she is letting this guy come between us. Before this she was a loving, supportive, loyal wife.
It feels like it's happening fast but it's not, she's got a 4 month head start on you. Time is not your ally no matter how fast it feels right now. The longer it goes on the more entrenched she will get in her wonderland and the longer your hurt and pain will continue. Whether it ever went physical (it did) or not is almost meaningless at this point now. She has proclaimed she hasn't loved you in years, she texted some clown today that she wishes she was with him. Your not the stand by guy or safety net for her. You wouldn't tolerate this type of behavior from anyone let alone a spouse.

Start doing the 180, your not going to get anywhere talking to her and it's probably more detrimental to keep engaging her. Have your sister draw up papers and hand them to your wife. She has no interest in trying to save this marriage or help heal you. Start healing yourself. None of this is fun, and nobody wants to be in your position and too many of us have.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
honcho is online now  
post #125 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:47 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 768
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
My sister does represent divorce cases. She has told me not to leave our home. This is all happening so fast, I'm not sure how to handle it. She is saying nothing happened between them. She's lying to me and doesn't even care about how upset I am, who is this person? My sister has told me if we divorce I will most likely have to pay her spousal support because of the income differences. She wants to represent me and has told me she won't take any money from me but I don't want to burden her so I might not.

As for my wife, she is not apologizing or anything. Told me she has not loved me in years. She went off to go teach and I threw all her stuff out of our bedroom. I threw all photos of us around the house in a garbage bag. All she said was we'll talk when she gets home. After all we have been through I can't believe she is letting this guy come between us. Before this she was a loving, supportive, loyal wife.
Dude
The fact that you are throwing her out of the bedroom is actually a positive sign for you. Not that she gives a **** but because you are inching your way out of denial and into anger mode.
There is an old saying , which is " believe what they say". Read that again and stop trying to think for her and put your spin on what she is saying.
She just walked out of your house unapologetically and went to see her boyfriend. Do you really think she would after four months of this be telling him she wants to be in his arms if she was not banging him regularly? If this was a long distance affair maybe. So stop trying to guess if they're having sex. That ship has sailed .
It's also time to stop worrying about spousal suppoort or anything else unless you want to sit there and watch her date
Her boyfriend while you sit home and eat your guts out.
Get to an****ing attorney, your sister or anyone you want but get divorce papers in her hand.
Right now she has you staggered and it's not going to change by hoping.

This is a ****ty deal but in a way I know you can't understand now she is making this easy for you. She isn't even trying to hide what she is doing . No more detective work necessary.
Many betrayed husbands spend months trying to find out the truth . You know it.

Now for heavens sake get to an attorney tomorrow and get to a bank and withdraw half the funds and open an account in your own name.

And stop engaging her about MC. She is only stalling for time to figure out with OM how to continue to string you along
straightshooter is online now  
post #126 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:58 PM
Member
 
Lonely husband 42301's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,170
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
My sister does represent divorce cases. She has told me not to leave our home. This is all happening so fast, I'm not sure how to handle it. She is saying nothing happened between them. She's lying to me and doesn't even care about how upset I am, who is this person? My sister has told me if we divorce I will most likely have to pay her spousal support because of the income differences. She wants to represent me and has told me she won't take any money from me but I don't want to burden her so I might not.

As for my wife, she is not apologizing or anything. Told me she has not loved me in years. She went off to go teach and I threw all her stuff out of our bedroom. I threw all photos of us around the house in a garbage bag. All she said was we'll talk when she gets home. After all we have been through I can't believe she is letting this guy come between us. Before this she was a loving, supportive, loyal wife.
If I may make a suggestions,it is not wise to have your sister represent you in a divorce. You need someone that has no emotional connection to you or STBXW. You need to find the most obnoxious aggressive scorched earth type of attorney you can.

FANTASTIC getting her **** and photos out of the way! You are getting it now. I would toss it all On your front lawn, and make Damn sure she cannot get in The house. Even better, make it look as if you are going to burn it, but don't.

You need to tell he she is full of **** and rationalizing her actions and please leave and you will have her served shortly and she can do as she pleases.

Also, let her know you will talk WHEN YOU ARE DAMN GOOD and ready. Do it on your schedule, not hers.

Tell her you are getting ready to make her feel like she is drinking out of a fire hose.

Expose on social media, to family, to friends, and let off some steam. You will feel so much better when you take charge. It is an effervescent feeling when you do so. Take it from one who has been there and done that.

I am proud of you for manning up. I knew you could do it. You get it now.

PS: scorched earth no prisoners.

If you are going through hell keep on going-Winston Churchhill
Lonely husband 42301 is online now  
post #127 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,069
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

It's over man. Cut your losses, which are not much. Move on with your dignity intact, why fight for someone who regards you so little. Who treats you so poorly. Sorry to say this but your wife is garbage. She is just a bad person. Only a very low person would treat someone who has love and cared for them this way. Even if you win her back what do you really get, no one of any value.

Again she is a cliche, there seems to be a lot of cheating wives like this on these boards. You need to accept the fact and move on with your life. The good thing is you are young and you can move on and have a better life and maybe even kids.

I'm sorry but some people are just not good at being human beings. Seems you found someone like that. You bought a lemon. Cut your losses.
sokillme is offline  
post #128 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:15 PM
Member
 
Lonely husband 42301's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,170
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

If you want to be cruel and crass and cut her to the bone "well, I will find a better woman who will love and respect me, and best of all, we will have children." Hit her where it hurts. I am pissed for you.

If you are going through hell keep on going-Winston Churchhill
Lonely husband 42301 is online now  
post #129 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:19 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Inform her school that she is using their company to facilitate an affair with one of their customers.
ConanHub is offline  
post #130 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:24 PM
Member
 
Lonely husband 42301's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,170
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Inform her school that she is using their company to facilitate an affair with one of their customers.
ConanHub, you are a bad man like me.


If you are going through hell keep on going-Winston Churchhill
Lonely husband 42301 is online now  
post #131 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:34 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,252
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
My sister does represent divorce cases. She has told me not to leave our home. This is all happening so fast, I'm not sure how to handle it. She is saying nothing happened between them. She's lying to me and doesn't even care about how upset I am, who is this person? My sister has told me if we divorce I will most likely have to pay her spousal support because of the income differences. She wants to represent me and has told me she won't take any money from me but I don't want to burden her so I might not.

As for my wife, she is not apologizing or anything. Told me she has not loved me in years. She went off to go teach and I threw all her stuff out of our bedroom. I threw all photos of us around the house in a garbage bag. All she said was we'll talk when she gets home. After all we have been through I can't believe she is letting this guy come between us. Before this she was a loving, supportive, loyal wife.
If you divorce, use your sister. Keep it in the family. She will take good care of you and do what makes the most sense. Don't go with anyone else. You can count on your sister to represent you in your true best interests.

I am glad that you threw her things out of the bedroom. She's probably going to get angry with you over it, so be prepared to freeze her out. Change your mindset to building a wall to keep her out. Do not listen to any of her blame shifting and trying to hurt your feelings by saying she hasn't loved you. Either she is lying to say she hasn't loved you or she was lying when she was telling you she loved you. Either way she's a liar.

Here are some lines that @farsidejunky recommends:
"I'm sorry you feel that way".

"I see things differently".

"I'm not okay with lying."

"I'm not okay with x".
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Inform her school that she is using their company to facilitate an affair with one of their customers.
I agree. It doesn't matter if she loses her job. You're going to have to pay her alimony anyway and she will be required by the court to work.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #132 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:36 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Somewhere else...
Posts: 2,861
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Inform her school that she is using their company to facilitate an affair with one of their customers.
As much as I dislike exposure, this is a sensible suggestion, but do it anonymously, so it doesn't come back on you. She shouldn't be having affairs with clients. Well, she shouldn't be having an affair, but you know what I mean. lol

((hugs)) I'm sorry this is going on right now for you.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
*Deidre* is offline  
post #133 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:57 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 35
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

She is out with him at the moment. I've set the alarm and she doesn't have a key. Told me she's running late but then admitted she's with him. I am going to file tommorrow. Not like she cares.

My birthday is in a week. Early present I guess. Atleast she won't have the satisfaction of seeing me cry tonight.
ddude23 is offline  
post #134 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 09:58 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3putt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Myrtle Beach
Posts: 3,755
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
As much as I dislike exposure, this is a sensible suggestion, but do it anonymously, so it doesn't come back on you. She shouldn't be having affairs with clients. Well, she shouldn't be having an affair, but you know what I mean. lol

((hugs)) I'm sorry this is going on right now for you.
Disagree completely. Expose like a man or woman of character and you'll never have to hang your head in shame because you were too much of a coward to sign your name to your actions.

Can't believe some of the gutless crap I've read around here these days. Damned disgusting.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -Mark Twain

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech. -Proverbs 5:3
3putt is offline  
post #135 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 10:02 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,069
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

You will survive this man. It hurts but in the end you are better off. People like your wife are no prize even if you win her back what to you really get? If I told you you bought a stock that was a junk bond you wouldn't hold on to it and expect it to become a-rated. You fortunately found this out while you were young. Who knows maybe part of this is the little girl. Now that she can't have a kid she found a guy with one. She is just bad, and will have a hard life. Unstable is no way to go through life.

For you though you are young and will move on. You have proved you can do it. You just need to find someone better.

Hang in there, hit the gym hang out with friends, immerse yourself in hobbies.
sokillme is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
First Post - Need help, *long Post* MrW General Relationship Discussion 92 10-12-2016 02:19 PM
The Day and Night Guy that Doesn't Talk? musicdiva General Relationship Discussion 67 07-05-2016 06:03 PM
Plz help me get my wife's heart back! Sylan0610 General Relationship Discussion 28 06-24-2016 10:43 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome