World has been turned upside down in a day. - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 1325Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:19 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 35
World has been turned upside down in a day.

Hi all, I am a 33 year old male. My wife is 32 years old. We married in 2008 and have been together since 2004. We've faced pretty tough things over our time together. Lost our first house which was devastating but now live in a very nice home that were comfortable in. Throughout our time together it was found out that my wife was infertile, we never really planned for kids but it devastated her. I did maybe want kids one day but I assured her that I love her and would not be going anywhere. She has been my biggest supporter and best friend all of these years. We barely fought and have had a good marriage.

Yesterday my wife confessed something that turned everything upside down. She teaches a dance class for young/teenage girls and has informed me that she's been having an emotional affair with one of the fathers of one of these girls. Told me she is confused and doesn't know if these feelings are real or not and if she should follow them. This has been going on for four months. Swearing nothing physical has happened.

I thought I had it all, I have a nice life and a good job that I'm respected at, get along with everybody. I asked her if she is willing to cut him off completely, she told me she doesn't know if she can do that. Told me she thinks we can go to counseling. All while she still continues deciding what she wants.

I was at work earlier today, I just started to cry in my office. Looking at at the picture of her on my table. I feel like a destroyed/betrayed man. Someone must of heard and informed my boss, who talked with me personally and told me it is okay if I take a few days off.

So I'm at home, all I want to do is drown my thoughts in alcohol but I have read that it's not good. I will do anything to numb this pain. I posted in another section, but that is a divorce forum. Although there is a good possibility I will end up divorced

ddude23 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:49 PM
Member
 
Affaircare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 3,749
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

@ddude23,

I'm sorry you're here and that we're meeting under these circumstances, but in a way I'm glad you're here, because we can really help you!

First, I want to forewarn you that some people here have also been betrayed, and when they read posts like yours, they trigger and feel all that hurt and pain again--so they respond pretty harshly (not harsh toward you, but just with some gusto ). So as you read people's replies, please remember that.

Second, I want to tell you right up front that in my first marriage my exH cheated on me and I was DEVASTATED. I cried for days on end. But I want to encourage you because it doesn't last forever and gradually it can get better. It's not instant, I can tell ya that! But gradually over some time, you will feel better, no matter what you choose to do. So don't sink into the darkness. Yes, it's dark right now, but there is hope for the future, okay? Now the part I'm not proud of at all: in my second marriage (my current marriage), I was the one who had the affair. It was all online so all EA, and yet it was definitely unfaithfulness. So I tell you this because I have some understanding of both sides.

Okay--take a deep breath. There are some things you can do immediately that will actually help the situation.

1. Go shopping right now and buy some soup and some lotion kleenex. I know that sounds crazy but you are NOT going to be able to eat with all the crying and the knot in your throat, and yet you need your strength somehow. Soup is warm, feels kind of good, and will give you a little nutrition. And lotion tissues are because I guarantee you, you and your wife are going to be doing some crying, and you will chap your eyelids. Crying into chapped eyelids is physically ouchy--so lotion tissues. You can do that today and help yourself a little tiny bit.

2. She made a vow (aka "a voluntary promise") to YOU to forsake all others and give 100% of her affection, loyalty and companionship to you. She did not promise this for "as long as she had feelings" but rather through all the ups and downs that life throws at you two UNTIL DEATH PARTS YOU. So she has obligations to you. She has no such obligations to the other man (OM). So you are not in a contest to win her as the prize. YOU are her husband and the head of your family.

So do not beg her, or try to "nice" her back to the marriage. I know that is SO HARD because you want to woo her and win her back!! But @ddude23, I guarantee you that will not do it. So read, and read, and read here on the forum so you can learn about affairs, but for now, just do not try to beg and promise her you'll be a better husband. If you want to do anything, gather your courage about you and tell her IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that you will not have a third wheel in your marriage, and that you find adultery unacceptable. Tell her she made a moral and legal promise TO YOU and that you do not intend to just let her just go all wishy washy--you will not let her go without FIGHTING for your WIFE! Have the attitude a little bit like "If you want to be with ME, I find this utterly unacceptable and you will stop now or you will not have me!!" Right out, tell her that to remain married to you, she MUST stop the affair immediately and end all contact forever.

3. Finally I want you to keep this in mind: SHE is the one who chose to commit adultery. I highly suspect she is going to talk to you and say something like: "Well if you had paid more attention to me and been more romantic, I wouldn't have felt so lonely and wandered" (attempting to place the blame for her choice on you). DO NOT SHOULDER HER BURDEN. I'm not saying you were a perfect husband--I'll betcha you can learn to do better, right? We all have faults! But she had an obligation to love you and protect the marriage from her own weaknesses, and instead she left herself and the one to whom she made promises vulnerable. So the old marriage you had is dead. The image you had in your head--that is dead. And you were the murder victim and she was the murderer. There is no getting around that truth.

BUT you are the party who was wronged. You can morally and legally choose to divorce, if that is what you choose. Many people consider infidelity a deal-breaker and will not tolerate it at all one little bit. Others have the ability to learn and grown and forgive and are able to offer reconciliation IF THE DISLOYAL SPOUSE ENDS THE AFFAIR...and then learns and grows from what they did. So you have some time to figure out which way you want to go--you don't have to decide that today. In fact, I guarantee that no matter which way you pick, there will be days and times that you'll vacillate . For now, just remind yourself over and over that THE CHOICE IS YOURS. If you want to divorce--I say go to a lawyer, learn your rights, and pursue it as soon as possible. Rip the bandaid off! And if you want to reconcile--then the first thing you'll want to do is END THE AFFAIR. The two of them can never contact each other again, so you may have to move and she may have to leave her job as dance teacher because that is the cost of choosing to screw around with a parent of one of her students.

Okay--that's a start. We'll be here for you.

Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this! * Weightlifter's Evidence Gathering Post for Newbies * The Man Up Nice Guy Reference
Affaircare is online now  
post #3 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:51 PM
Member
 
rockon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: land of liquid sunshine (Florida)
Posts: 773
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Did you ask her why the sudden confession?
rockon is online now  
 
post #4 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:52 PM
Member
 
Lostme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 561
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Sorry you are here.

The truth is unless she stays away from this guy, you will not be able to work on the marriage. you need to give her an ultimatum it's you or him and if she can't decide then hand her divorce papers maybe that will wake her up. Do not hang around and be her plan B



You do matter!
Lostme is online now  
post #5 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:58 PM
Member
 
Keke24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Caribbean
Posts: 373
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Affaircare View Post
@ddude23,

I'm sorry you're here and that we're meeting under these circumstances, but in a way I'm glad you're here, because we can really help you!

First, I want to forewarn you that some people here have also been betrayed, and when they read posts like yours, they trigger and feel all that hurt and pain again--so they respond pretty harshly (not harsh toward you, but just with some gusto ). So as you read people's replies, please remember that.

Second, I want to tell you right up front that in my first marriage my exH cheated on me and I was DEVASTATED. I cried for days on end. But I want to encourage you because it doesn't last forever and gradually it can get better. It's not instant, I can tell ya that! But gradually over some time, you will feel better, no matter what you choose to do. So don't sink into the darkness. Yes, it's dark right now, but there is hope for the future, okay? Now the part I'm not proud of at all: in my second marriage (my current marriage), I was the one who had the affair. It was all online so all EA, and yet it was definitely unfaithfulness. So I tell you this because I have some understanding of both sides.

Okay--take a deep breath. There are some things you can do immediately that will actually help the situation.

1. Go shopping right now and buy some soup and some lotion kleenex. I know that sounds crazy but you are NOT going to be able to eat with all the crying and the knot in your throat, and yet you need your strength somehow. Soup is warm, feels kind of good, and will give you a little nutrition. And lotion tissues are because I guarantee you, you and your wife are going to be doing some crying, and you will chap your eyelids. Crying into chapped eyelids is physically ouchy--so lotion tissues. You can do that today and help yourself a little tiny bit.

2. She made a vow (aka "a voluntary promise") to YOU to forsake all others and give 100% of her affection, loyalty and companionship to you. She did not promise this for "as long as she had feelings" but rather through all the ups and downs that life throws at you two UNTIL DEATH PARTS YOU. So she has obligations to you. She has no such obligations to the other man (OM). So you are not in a contest to win her as the prize. YOU are her husband and the head of your family.

So do not beg her, or try to "nice" her back to the marriage. I know that is SO HARD because you want to woo her and win her back!! But @ddude23, I guarantee you that will not do it. So read, and read, and read here on the forum so you can learn about affairs, but for now, just do not try to beg and promise her you'll be a better husband. If you want to do anything, gather your courage about you and tell her IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that you will not have a third wheel in your marriage, and that you find adultery unacceptable. Tell her she made a moral and legal promise TO YOU and that you do not intend to just let her just go all wishy washy--you will not let her go without FIGHTING for your WIFE! Have the attitude a little bit like "If you want to be with ME, I find this utterly unacceptable and you will stop now or you will not have me!!" Right out, tell her that to remain married to you, she MUST stop the affair immediately and end all contact forever.

3. Finally I want you to keep this in mind: SHE is the one who chose to commit adultery. I highly suspect she is going to talk to you and say something like: "Well if you had paid more attention to me and been more romantic, I wouldn't have felt so lonely and wandered" (attempting to place the blame for her choice on you). DO NOT SHOULDER HER BURDEN. I'm not saying you were a perfect husband--I'll betcha you can learn to do better, right? We all have faults! But she had an obligation to love you and protect the marriage from her own weaknesses, and instead she left herself and the one to whom she made promises vulnerable. So the old marriage you had is dead. The image you had in your head--that is dead. And you were the murder victim and she was the murderer. There is no getting around that truth.

BUT you are the party who was wronged. You can morally and legally choose to divorce, if that is what you choose. Many people consider infidelity a deal-breaker and will not tolerate it at all one little bit. Others have the ability to learn and grown and forgive and are able to offer reconciliation IF THE DISLOYAL SPOUSE ENDS THE AFFAIR...and then learns and grows from what they did. So you have some time to figure out which way you want to go--you don't have to decide that today. In fact, I guarantee that no matter which way you pick, there will be days and times that you'll vacillate . For now, just remind yourself over and over that THE CHOICE IS YOURS. If you want to divorce--I say go to a lawyer, learn your rights, and pursue it as soon as possible. Rip the bandaid off! And if you want to reconcile--then the first thing you'll want to do is END THE AFFAIR. The two of them can never contact each other again, so you may have to move and she may have to leave her job as dance teacher because that is the cost of choosing to screw around with a parent of one of her students.

Okay--that's a start. We'll be here for you.
My goodness, this is some excellent, well stated advice! Damnnnnn
Keke24 is online now  
post #6 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:04 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 554
I dont know why you wouldn't throw her $hit out on the lawn. See ya later babe! Adios!

Unless you don't have any self respect..

And hey is this bozo married himself? If so rat him out to his wife immediately.

Also see a divorce lawyer. And quit talking to your wife about her feelings. Really? Why the F would her feelings be important right now - she is the one cheating!

Tell her you don't want to wear a tshirt that says Plan B the rest of your life and you want a divorce. Get a lawyer. Make her earn her way back, if that is what you want later. Why are you the one groveling when she is a giant POS??? She should be worried about keeping you. Sure doesn't sound like it.

Time for being nice is over pal. Sooner you figure it out the better for you. Or you can keep believing the crap she is telling you. As if you can trust her to be honest now....

Good luck. F her.
cbnero is offline  
post #7 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:25 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,251
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Working on a marriage, even with marriage counseling, is pointless when one person is actively tearing it down by having a relationship with someone else. If your wife sees that she can pursue her affair partner while you are working on being a great husband and waiting for her, she will only continue in her affair and the marriage will continue to deteriorate. The marriage will never get better or heal while she has another man involved. He is literally between you.

I would recommend that you inform his wife immediately. That will help shut things down quickly. It is highly unlikely that he will continue on with your wife if his wife knows what's going on.

Begging her will make you look pathetic and weak. I'm really sorry, but that's the truth. She will see you as less than she already does if you do that. She'll also see that she's holding all the cards, which you don't want at all. Right now, she is the one who should be begging and pleading with you - willing to do anything you ask of her to resolve this.

One thing to keep in mind is that the woman you thought you could trust is not trustworthy. You will never be able to trust her again unless she gets to the bottom of what would allow her to violate basic moral principles and betray you. If she can't find that and correct it, she'll do it again.

Bottom line is that she makes a choice now - either stop all contact and work on resolving whatever has caused her to betray you or leave.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is online now  
post #8 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:25 PM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 2,932
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
Hi all, I am a 33 year old male. My wife is 32 years old. We married in 2008 and have been together since 2004. We've faced pretty tough things over our time together. Lost our first house which was devastating but now live in a very nice home that were comfortable in. Throughout our time together it was found out that my wife was infertile, we never really planned for kids but it devastated her. I did maybe want kids one day but I assured her that I love her and would not be going anywhere. She has been my biggest supporter and best friend all of these years. We barely fought and have had a good marriage.

Yesterday my wife confessed something that turned everything upside down. She teaches a dance class for young/teenage girls and has informed me that she's been having an emotional affair with one of the fathers of one of these girls. Told me she is confused and doesn't know if these feelings are real or not and if she should follow them. This has been going on for four months. Swearing nothing physical has happened.

4 month EA with contact. Highly likely it's a physical affair. Cheaters lie a lot.

I thought I had it all, I have a nice life and a good job that I'm respected at, get along with everybody. I asked her if she is willing to cut him off completely, she told me she doesn't know if she can do that. Told me she thinks we can go to counseling. All while she still continues deciding what she wants.

Counciling in an active affair is worthless

I was at work earlier today, I just started to cry in my office. Looking at at the picture of her on my table. I feel like a destroyed/betrayed man. Someone must of heard and informed my boss, who talked with me personally and told me it is okay if I take a few days off.

So I'm at home, all I want to do is drown my thoughts in alcohol but I have read that it's not good. I will do anything to numb this pain. I posted in another section, but that is a divorce forum. Although there is a good possibility I will end up divorced

Alcohol is the worst thing you can do!!!! You'd better wake up and take charge of our life. Letting a cheating wife decide your fate?
The best thing you can do right now is inform the other mans wife. Get to an attorney and see what your doing if hrs are.

Hard 180 no contact. Moping around drunk at this time just make you look weak when her other man stands tall. You need to wake up!!!!!!
Marc878 is online now  
post #9 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:30 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 67
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
Hi all, I am a 33 year old male. My wife is 32 years old. We married in 2008 and have been together since 2004. We've faced pretty tough things over our time together. Lost our first house which was devastating but now live in a very nice home that were comfortable in. Throughout our time together it was found out that my wife was infertile, we never really planned for kids but it devastated her. I did maybe want kids one day but I assured her that I love her and would not be going anywhere. She has been my biggest supporter and best friend all of these years. We barely fought and have had a good marriage.

Yesterday my wife confessed something that turned everything upside down. She teaches a dance class for young/teenage girls and has informed me that she's been having an emotional affair with one of the fathers of one of these girls. Told me she is confused and doesn't know if these feelings are real or not and if she should follow them. This has been going on for four months. Swearing nothing physical has happened.

I thought I had it all, I have a nice life and a good job that I'm respected at, get along with everybody. I asked her if she is willing to cut him off completely, she told me she doesn't know if she can do that. Told me she thinks we can go to counseling. All while she still continues deciding what she wants.

I was at work earlier today, I just started to cry in my office. Looking at at the picture of her on my table. I feel like a destroyed/betrayed man. Someone must of heard and informed my boss, who talked with me personally and told me it is okay if I take a few days off.

So I'm at home, all I want to do is drown my thoughts in alcohol but I have read that it's not good. I will do anything to numb this pain. I posted in another section, but that is a divorce forum. Although there is a good possibility I will end up divorced
So sorry to hear about your situation man. I was you in November except my wife's affair had gotten physical (to me, the emotional part with a woman is what is so concerning anyway). She fell in love with the other guy. We had the perfect life: great house, pool, luxury vehicles, travel, marriage that seemed happy for 9 years with no fights or complaints by her, etc. We also had no kids. My wife is 32 as well. Our counselor said that is a scary time for women because they are reassessing life and figuring out who they really are and what they want. She too had difficulty cutting ties with the other guy. He was married with 3 little kids in a state far away yet she eventually chose him last month. You will be hurting right now in the immediate aftermath. I remember feeling out of control and physically ill for a week. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I too cried at work and just stayed home one day and cried. IT WILL GET BETTER!!! I kept my wife's affair a secret because I didn't want to ruin reconciliation. In hindsight, I wish I would have shared what happened with a few people I really trusted. It's hard to be alone right now with this info. We tried counseling too but my wife could not get over the other guy. We are in the middle of divorce proceedings right now. I started off wondering how I could live without my wife to now wondering how I could live with her knowing what she has done and how she hurt me. I'm 41 - you have the luxury of your whole life still ahead of you. I'm not one of these guys who says throw her stuff in the yard. BUT get your financial house in order and consider drafting a post-nuptial agreement (you can have a lawyer do it or find one online and tweak it). You can take advantage of her being in lala land and maybe get decent terms in case you do start divorce. Listen - you did nothing wrong to make her cheat. She is a weak person and if not this guy, it would have happened down the road. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed - you did nothing wrong! And take the time to be sad. This is devastating news but things will get better! Just hang in there and post on this board. My thread is called wife choosing other man - read my story and you will see similarities I bet. The times where I feel sad are few and far between now.
Clemson is offline  
post #10 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:34 PM
Member
 
GusPolinski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,019
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

She's lying.

A 4-month EA with someone that she sees on any sort of regular basis is a physical affair.

That is the absolute truth, so you might as well accept it.

So knowing that, if you're inclined to divorce, go for it.

If, however, you want to reconcile, here's how it has to go:

Either she cuts him off IMMEDIATELY AND COMPLETELY (which means that the daughter is removed from her class), or you file for divorce.

And that's it.

Anything less is a half-measure and WILL result in her leaving you for him anyway (even if she doesn't actually leave the house).

Also, if the guy is married, expose the affair to his wife.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."

Last edited by GusPolinski; 03-15-2017 at 09:11 PM.
GusPolinski is offline  
post #11 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 905
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
Yesterday my wife confessed something that turned everything upside down. She teaches a dance class for young/teenage girls and has informed me that she's been having an emotional affair with one of the fathers of one of these girls. Told me she is confused and doesn't know if these feelings are real or not and if she should follow them. This has been going on for four months. Swearing nothing physical has happened.

I thought I had it all, I have a nice life and a good job that I'm respected at, get along with everybody. I asked her if she is willing to cut him off completely, she told me she doesn't know if she can do that. Told me she thinks we can go to counseling. All while she still continues deciding what she wants.
She's trying to decide what she wants? You don't have to sit around in limbo and wait for her though. If she's not immediately choosing you, going to counselling, and ending all contact with this guy including quitting her job, then she's already made a choice, and it isn't you. Do you really want a wife who only half wants to be with you? Do you really want a wife capable of lying to you and getting emotional and probably physical (she's a cheating liar, so you can't believe a word she says, including that nothing physical happened) with another guy? Do you really want a wife with no integrity? By not clearly choosing you, she's showing she doesn't want you but doesn't know how to tell you.

Here's some of the cost-benefit analysis going on in her mind.

Pros of Ddude23: good job, don't want to lose my nice house, all I've known (probably) since I was a teenager, don't want people to think I'm a cheater
Cons of Ddude23: boring, can't have kids with him, limerence has faded

Pros of dance-dad: good father, ready-made family, exciting, limerence going strong
Cons of dance-dad: none (maybe he's married, maybe he's low-income, who knows, but she's not thinking of that stuff)
Hopeful Cynic is offline  
post #12 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:36 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 158
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

If you want to save your marriage, here's what you need to do:

1. Get a copy of Surviving an Affair. you can download it to a kindle app on your iphone immediately.
2. Expose the affair to family, including the OM's wife. Ask for support in ending this affair. This is so your wife is unable to rewrite history and blame you for her behavior. When you expose, let everyone know you're asking for their support to keep your marriage together because you are devastated.
3. After OM ends his fun with your wife (because he will) and she realizes what she's done, she will likely want to reconcile with you. Only agree if she sends a no contact letter to the OM and finds away to never come into contact with him again (may require she quit teaching or he moves his daughter to another dance studio).
4. Expect full transparency from your wife- access to her devices, whereabouts, etc.
5. Demand a polygraph to find out the full extend of this affair.
6. Be the best husband you can be, focus on your children, eat right, exercise, try to get sleep. Take anti-anxiety meds if necessary to get through this.
7. If your wife does not do these things, see a lawyer and file for legal separation and full custody.

Last edited by Jessica38; 03-15-2017 at 08:41 PM.
Jessica38 is online now  
post #13 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:36 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,251
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemson View Post
I kept my wife's affair a secret because I didn't want to ruin reconciliation. In hindsight, I wish I would have shared what happened with a few people I really trusted. It's hard to be alone right now with this info.
Do not keep the secrets of a cheater. This gives her a huge advantage in keeping her betrayal hidden. It is at your own peril to keep this to yourself. Tell anyone you want to. You're not the one who is acting like a jerk. You are not the one who is untrustworthy and mean. If she doesn't want people to see her that way, she should have thought of that before taking her love elsewhere. She made her life, don't reduce her consequences. That only makes matters worse.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is online now  
post #14 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:42 PM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 2,932
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
Do not keep the secrets of a cheater. This gives her a huge advantage in keeping her betrayal hidden. It is at your own peril to keep this to yourself. Tell anyone you want to. You're not the one who is acting like a jerk. You are not the one who is untrustworthy and mean. If she doesn't want people to see her that way, she should have thought of that before taking her love elsewhere. She made her life, don't reduce her consequences. That only makes matters worse.
Exactly, helping them hide their affair only enables it further and in reality makes you an accomplice .
Marc878 is online now  
post #15 of 504 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:44 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,251
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
Exactly, helping them hide their affair only enables it further and in reality makes you an accomplice .
While isolating you and making your personal pain worse. Cheaters hate to be exposed. But that is not your problem. Do not sacrifice your personal wellbeing and cave to any demands she makes, including that you keep it quiet.

Also do not tell her you are going to expose. It should come as a surprise after she hears about it through the grapevine.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
First Post - Need help, *long Post* MrW General Relationship Discussion 92 10-12-2016 02:19 PM
The Day and Night Guy that Doesn't Talk? musicdiva General Relationship Discussion 67 07-05-2016 06:03 PM
Plz help me get my wife's heart back! Sylan0610 General Relationship Discussion 28 06-24-2016 10:43 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome