I started seeing someone shortly after separating from my wife. I think it was likely a mistake to do that, although we're still together and enjoying each others company. Both of us are very aware of where the other person is at and we're trying to realistic about our futures. So far, so good.
We have a mandatory one year separation period, btw. I don't have any religious affiliation, so that's not an issue for me. And we filed for legal separation the day we could (90 days of separation), so we've done what we can. Ther has also been literally not one word of reconciling since I told her I wanted out over a year ago. By either of us. But with being 44 years old, and living in an intimacy deprived relationship for a number of years already, I had no desire to waste more time. Who knows how many more morning woodies I'll be sprouting? . And yes, I realize that I am committing adultery now, but as I've admitted to here in the past, that ship had sailed before this relationship.
i met someone quiet early into the separation but if anyone remembers my story my stbxw [ March is D] was pretty adamant that i was highly disposable after 25 years. Guess I passed my use by date.
I have been seeing the same woman since the End of May and it has been fantastic. Yes i have baggage. So does she.
One of the things I had not counted on was that us both having kids, jobs, houses to run and such makes any relationship very difficult.
Typical fortnight..
Week one.
Both have kids so we do our separate thing. Don't stay over and maybe have dinner with all our kids together once because we don't want to inflict our wishes and desires on them [ feel guilty]
Week two.
No kids so we run this other life where we pretend we are happy and dating. go to concerts, eat donuts in bed.
Then we miss our kids more, because we didn't sign up for part time parent. We signed up to be married. [ we are both BS]
We also feel guilty for enjoying ourselves!
Ex spouses also get pissed because we got what they wanted
We go out in public
Our kids and they seem to be okay with an evening here and there.
So, they operate text, email and phone disruption. It has got to the point where we can say.. " Had your text from him/her yet?" 11pm Sunday night
" Can I pick up X from you at 7am?"
No you fcking can't I am not there!
I guess I am having a bit of a vent but the sad fact is that this will never change. We will always have to deal with the ex spouse who seems to think that we should be sitting at home pining for them. We are joined to them for life because of the kids and now that their fantasy has collapsed, or is collapsing, they look across and see that we have moved on.
If you want to have any sort of Relationship with someone you are going to have to tell them about your life. The crap that happens. The feelings that contact brings up and they can't be swept under the carpet because they will always have an effect on you because it effects your kids and that effects you.
Would I do it again? Yes. She is a wonderful human being.
i would imagine legaly once you have a seperation agreement.
There is no legality to when you can see other people. Legally you can see other people while you are married. Why do you think infidelity has no bearing on divorce, marital assets, or custody?
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emotionaly, when your ready
morally, ???
This is the way I look at it. If you are seperated and are for sure going to get a divorce, and more so if your spouse cheated, I'd say morally you can see someone any damn time you please.
If its because of "irreconcilable differences", then morally, probably best to wait til the divorce is final.
Emotionally? That depends on, well, your emotions.
There is no legality to when you can see other people. Legally you can see other people while you are married. Why do you think infidelity has no bearing on divorce, marital assets,
Not every state views it that way (7 states consider infidelity) nor does every country Posted via Mobile Device
I was thinking about this too, but then I thought my wife obviously didn't wait any time before seeing someone else! Why should I? Lol.
I donno, I feel like as long as you're not looking for anything too serious right away, and you make that clear to the other person, then you probably don't have to wait very long. Unless you're totally just bummed out 247. Then you should probably wait awhile Posted via Mobile Device
Not many folks are going to jump at the chance to start seeing a legally married person. And who can blame them? Many of these 'married' spouses are still holding a torch for their stbx and just might choose to reconcile at the last minute before finalizing their divorce, it happens often you know. The single person takes a big risk having his/her heart broken.
Not many folks are going to jump at the chance to start seeing a legally married person. And who can blame them? Many of these 'married' spouses are still holding a torch for their stbx and just might choose to reconcile at the last minute before finalizing their divorce, it happens often you know. The single person takes a big risk having his/her heart broken.
It is true that many people are (rightfully) cautious about seeing a separated person (which is a legal status here), but most dating sites make it very easy to slice and dice your searches.
As far as I'm concerned Emotionally and morally it is up to you to decide when you are ready to date. Some people can hop from one relationship to the next with great ease others need time to regroup it all comes down to when you're ready not when someone else tells you to. As for myself I'm waiting until the divorce is final before I start to date not for any religious or moral reasons it's just I think that's the best way to wrap your head around this new stage of life. If you are someone like myself who is never been with anyone other than his SO then you are very curious to see what's out there but at the same time have a sense that you should wait for one thing to end before you start another. So that's what I'm going to do but that's my situation and every person is different best of luck you'll find the right path.
Think of it this way...
1. you're on a date.
2. The date is perfect.
3. S/He is everything you would/could ever want in a perfect everything.
4. They want what you want and you can see a future together with them.
In that moment, do you want to know that you're still waiting for your divorce to clear? How about... do you want that perfect someone to think you're still on the rebound?
Take the time to do the divorce. Let it happen. Be alone for a while. Go out on a few casual dates with lots of light and laughter but don't go out again and don't get exclusive. Avoid the... "So you were/were not yet divorced and you went out and had sex with anything that moved until you met me?!"
My opinion, FWIW... let the divorce finish. Do light casual dates, no sex, learn to laugh again and learn how to tell your dv story without pain and sorrow. Get whole so that when you fall in love you can freely choose to be with and give them all of you and recieve all that they are.
I don`t buy into the "Wait until the divorce is final" theory.
Hell, in some places a divorce can`t be finalized for a year or more.
I also don`t understand why my relationship with anyone should be determined by a government sanctioned document.
If my wife and I decide for whatever reason our relationship is over then that`s when I`m a free man.
Date when you want to.
I agree, as long as you are truly separated from your ex, and are ready to put the past behind you and move forward.
While I am not ready for a heavy relationship at the moment, I really would like to meet a nice, normal, intelligent, positive woman for some dating and socializing (even if platonic).
It is one year since I realized I was living with a monster; six months since I knew I probably had to get out of the marriage; and four months of separation. Papers are being prepared. There is zero chance I would go back.
We were only married for about two years, and no kids, so I don't have the baggage one naturally accumulates in a lengthy relationship. I want to get back into my life.
As long as you feel reasonably level-headed, won't rush into a new commitment on the rebound, I say go for it if you feel like it. If you go out on a few dates and find yourself feeling weird or needing to dish on your ex-spouse, pull back and wait a few months more.
Legally, in most states you are free to date even WHEN married. So dating when seperated isn't a big deal.
Morally, even if the marriage is for sure kaput, why not wait? So what if you have been deprived for years. Be deprived a bit longer until the divorce is final and then go to town.
I would never date a separated man and I am separated myself....I just would not. I wouldn't date anyone who would date me until I am divorced.
I have a friend that dated a woman who was separated. She had filed papers, but according to her, in Wisconsin, you have to go to mandatory counseling before the divorce is finalized. She had two kids with her husband, not sure if that made the counseling mandatory or what. Anyway, he dated her for a little over a year, while she was in the process of divorce. It was fairly serious, they talked about long-term plans, had countless weekends away together when she didn't have her kids, and then supposedly one day in counseling, a light bulb went off in her head, and she decided to work it out with her husband. At least that's the story. I'd have a really hard time if I were her husband, knowing she was in a serious, sexual relationship with another man for over a year, and then just take her back. I guess my point is: it's a good idea to wait until the divorce is final (both as the person getting a divorce or someone dating a person getting a divorce), as you never know if they will change their mind and decide to work things out with their spouse.
you guys have some wonderful and wide ranging opinions.... and bring up some good points.. i have decided to just live life and what happens, happens. my marriage is over, that is plain to see.. i wish i could just go no contact, but there has to be some for the logistical reasons. although she does contact me randomly for this or that lately, probably because she just broke it off with her boytoy... but i am done. i've been out with my friends and talked to pretty girls, and enjoyed the attention. but as you can read on my posts about me, i am still spending emotional energy on my stbxw, so to me that is a signal that i am not ready for a relationship...but i am not going to keep myself from going out and having a good time, even with members of the opposite sex...
Re: When is it Ok to see other people? 
. And yes, I realize that I am committing adultery now, but as I've admitted to here in the past, that ship had sailed before this relationship. 
