OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge) - Page 19 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #271 of 279 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 01:57 PM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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Originally Posted by SuperConfusedHusband View Post
Yeah, good analogy! That's why I used a fire extinguisher on my matches. The smell is horrible, but at least the house will not burn down LOL

Day 4 of no talk and no contact.
Today I added "no eye contact" with ladies, that seems to keep a lot of people in their place. I only got chatted by a cashier in her early 50s who totally initiated the talk cause I didnt say a word. I did reciprocate the chitchat mainly making small comments and laughing at the funny stuff she was saying. Then I left.

I feel like crap, like my mom, my sister and my cat died all together, and my car broke down and I lost all my hair!
I dont know this is not good.

You seem to think that someone like this cashier being friendly is 'chatting you up'. Its not, its just her being friendly and chatty. They are trained to be that way with the customers. I chat to lots of people I meet, but I don't flirt nor 'chat them up'.

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post #272 of 279 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 02:00 PM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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Originally Posted by SuperConfusedHusband View Post
Yeah, good analogy! That's why I used a fire extinguisher on my matches. The smell is horrible, but at least the house will not burn down LOL

Day 4 of no talk and no contact.
Today I added "no eye contact" with ladies, that seems to keep a lot of people in their place. I only got chatted by a cashier in her early 50s who totally initiated the talk cause I didnt say a word. I did reciprocate the chitchat mainly making small comments and laughing at the funny stuff she was saying. Then I left.

I feel like crap, like my mom, my sister and my cat died all together, and my car broke down and I lost all my hair!

I dont know this is not good.
There is no issue with having small talk with people while you are out.
One of the things that really bothers me about society today is that there seems to be an unwritten code that we are not supposed to talk to ‘strangers’. I hate that. I like talking to people. Do it all the time.

The difference between what I do and what you have been doing is that I don’t do it to boost my ego. I don’t have little games like the one you describe with Nicole which amounts to stalking and a con-man routine. And I don’t delude myself that I’m helping them in any way.

Yea it’s not good that the only way you can think of to feel good is to play your con-man game.
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post #273 of 279 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 02:03 PM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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Absolutely, and he and his wife are VERY naive if they think that an affair wont happen if this carries on.
But an affair(s) did happen! Well from OP that we know of; we have no idea about his wife though.

I'm thinking that just because he doesn't know that she has crossed several boundaries with other males doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't been involved in inappropriate disrespecting behavior towards her spouse. I think intent has been happening on both sides for quite some time. That needs to be nipped in the bud by both sides.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #274 of 279 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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My first husband did it all the time and I wasn't worried. But when we got divorced I learned I should have been worried. He was screwing every willing woman in sight.

Here's the thing with your wife - 1) You have said she doesn't know how far this flirting goes. 2) She and you are both naive if you think your behavior is safe. It is not. As others have said, you are playing with fire. The internet is filled with stories of people who never dreamed they would cheat but got chummy with a member of the opposite sex and accidentally fell in love, did cheat, destroyed their marriage/family/life.
Yeah I know...I'm trying to avoid it because its dangerous.
I have the suspicion that my wife trusts me so much that she thinks nothing will ever happen even if I flirt heavily with women. I know for a fact that this is not true. I came very close several times.

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First, you should not feel guilty that you do not have to worry about money. But that's just my personal philosophy. If you feel too guilty, please come flirt with me and help me qualify for a home loan before you totally change your ways... ;-)
I'm all for it, but EleGirl has to approve of it first

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Regarding these two cute young girls. I don't think leaving them the $100 tip is a crazy idea, but it doesn't solve their long term problem. You are an accomplished businessman. Give them some real help (with your wife's knowledge of it all...). Buy $100 dollars worth of their weird little pastries, have them cut them into smaller pieces if possible, and have one of them get her cute butt up to the open doorway with a tray of free samples for this returning lunch crowd to taste. People may find out the weird little treats are actually quite tasty. (maybe... LOL)

Oh - weird rice deserts? Have them make sure they're gluten free and add a gluten free sign - a lot of people can't/won't eat gluten these days. Maybe they can sweeten some with something "healthy" other than sugar - like stevia - of course the rice is still a lot of carbs, but if people think they're getting a more damage-free desert they're more likely to indulge.
If I have to be completely authentic and honest with them as a businessman I would say: pack it up today, and get jobs somewhere else.The have no chance in the location, market and customer base where they are.
But that would make me look like a nasty guy. Instead I can just keep flirting with them and encourage them to succeed LOL

I found it. It's called Sticky Rice
Recipe: Thai Sticky Rice Pudding with Coconut Sauce | Kitchn
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post #275 of 279 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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But an affair(s) did happen! Well from OP that we know of; we have no idea about his wife though.

I'm thinking that just because he doesn't know that she has crossed several boundaries with other males doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't been involved in inappropriate disrespecting behavior towards her spouse. I think intent has been happening on both sides for quite some time. That needs to be nipped in the bud by both sides.
Never thought of it this way...hmmmm My wife totally denies flirting with males, but GOSH I have seen in many times!!! She does it in front of me, and I kind of enjoy it. I mean it's innocent.

Also there was a time when we were having a little bit of sexual problems (I was an ass basically...and there was little sex) and I told her that if she wanted to have a boyfriend, she could have and I would be fine with it if it was going to be just sex. She never really answered me on that one, she just said a polite "no".
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post #276 of 279 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 03:25 PM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

[QUOTE=SuperConfusedHusband;17603945 I mean it's innocent.

[/QUOTE]

That is how it starts and then the slippery slope takes care of the snowball effect.

You two really need counseling just to make sure that your marriage has a more stable foundation.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #277 of 279 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 07:40 AM
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Bottom line: You're playing with fire.
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post #278 of 279 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 06:02 AM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

I continue to shake my head at this post.

OP, you do know people in general are friendly and willing to visit, right?
This has little to nothing to do with whatever fabulous skills you believe you have mastered. I'm a friendly girl. I usually end up visiting with anyone around me out in public. My DH is the same way, has never met a stranger. If I met you in public, I would note your ring, and that would let me drop my guard down a little, assuming that you are not going to flirt or be inappropriate because you are a married man. I would expect that you should be honoring your vows, and in turn my vows and therefore not trying to bed me. You need to realize that people in general are nice, and willing to talk. Not just to you, to anyone nice.

I'm sorry you were so awkward as a teen and didn't experience it much. Everything you are describing as women's reactions to you, I hear nothing that they are enjoying your flirting. I guess the few that eventually give you their phone number don't think you are a total douce canoe yet. It sounds like you pick them so young, they probably are embarrassed to even let you down easy or inexperienced enough to not know how. By flirting with them while they are working, you are really putting them into a bad spot, as they are being paid to talk to anyone who shows interest in their product (windows, coffee, Asian desserts etc) And you are approaching them while they are working. How do you expect your employees to treat your customers? Especially in any form of sales, they were most likely just doing their job, to be polite to all customers, in hopes of closing a sale.

The women that meet you on a dating site are a very different lot. They are looking for a romantic connection. Most of them for a LTR or even more. I'm guessing you don't list yourself as happily married on these sites. You list yourself as some form of available, so whatever reaction they are having to you is completely based on an orchestrated set of lies. They also wouldn't like the real you, in fact they would probably loathe you. I know I would have if I had met you on dating website. Rightly so, because you are a dirty lying cheat.

As I said days ago, you need to come fully clean to your wife. She deserves to know and you need the accountability.

Ciao,

Spicy

Last edited by Spicy; 04-02-2017 at 09:21 AM.
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post #279 of 279 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 08:19 AM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

What she said.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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