I know my X functions perfectly well at work because emotions are not involved. The problems and his feeling of depression occurred when he was at home. Work actually helped him to just work and not think and feel.
It is very true that he should not have spent money on OW, but there is no need to cry over spilled milk at this point. He now understands that him giving away money was actually very stupid. Lesson learned IMO.
His focus needs to be on his internal demons and not continue messing his life up over risky addictions. There are positive outlets at this point in time that can help him feel better without wrecking havoc on his life.
As to the comment about sowing his oats, this is sadly something that men nowadays deal with quite often. Please remember that we now live many more years than before, especially men. Men worked very hard in the past, physically hard that is and most would die in their forties and most didn't make it to fifty. That is not the case now. Men live well over 70 now. Hence why now we know a little more about male menopause/ andropause.
It's just as real as women's menopause and adolescence. It's something all of us have to go through and some of us have a hard time getting through it. I only wish there was a lot more information out there in regards to male menopause just like there is a ton of info for us women about menopause. Men would not feel so confused, alone and depressed at this time in their lives. It would be easier for them to seek help from professionals and of course other men that have gone through these times and navigated midlife with experience that didn't destroy their lives and hurt themselves and their loved ones in its wake.
He is has been cheating on his wife. Do we now excuse all cheating as mid life crisis? Dating other women and giving them martial assets is cheating--emotional cheating at the very least.
"women's menopause and adolescence"???? What does a woman's adolescence have to do with her menopause? Nothing. Menopause is a physical condition that every woman who lives long enough goes through. It does not matter what her adolescence was like, she’s going to go through menopause… even if she was wild and sewed all the wild oats in the world, she’s going to have a menopause. Or even if she was a virgin saint, a nun, and never had sex, she’s going to go through menopause.
Trying to equate what we call a mid-life crisis to the physical changes that a woman goes through at menopause makes no sense.
Women also age and deal with the same things that men deal with as they age, things such as realizing that there are things that they will never get to do again, that the things they can look forward to in life are very diminished, failing healthy, etc.
Some men and women go through this acting out in a destructive manner that we call 'midlife crisis'. But that does not excuse their bad choices, cheating, hurting their spouse, etc. Not having a wild enough youth is no excuse.
I also find it very hard to believe that the OP picked up women online, took them out shopping, gave them cash, and took them out to dinner and it was all platonic and no sex. It sounds like he did this with a lot of women. And he never did anything sexual with any of them? Not believable.