OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge) - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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and ..."gee you are so spot on!"

seems all rather fine and dandy?
No it's not, thats why I'm discussing it here, looking for insights and help. All I'm saying is that I have never touched, kissed, been touched or been kissed or had sex with anybody else but my wife.

However somebody pointed out that sooner or later it will happen if I continue. And they are right.

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post #62 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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No it's not, thats why I'm discussing it here, looking for insights and help. All I'm saying is that I have never touched, kissed, been touched or been kissed or had sex with anybody else but my wife.

However somebody pointed out that sooner or later it will happen if I continue. And they are right.

What about sexual persuasion? Any potential issues there?
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post #63 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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What about sexual persuasion? Any potential issues there?
What is sexual persuasion? Sorry never heard of it.
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post #64 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:18 AM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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What is sexual persuasion? Sorry never heard of it.
So sorry, I meant to say sexual orientation, not thinking straight today, no pun intended.
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post #65 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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You have the nice guy syndrome but instead of being nice to your wife you're nice to all these women you take out on dates.

No wonder you spent so much money and have nothing to show for it!

Are you nice to guys too? I could use a free dinner and some cash.
Ahaha as a matter of fact I take my male friends out to dinners too sometimes. Of course the vibe is very different but still.
I was referring to a problem than many men have called "Nice guy syndrome" Basically to be too accommodating of other's needs before one own's needs.

http://www.drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy.html

Contrary to popular believe, men that show this pattern of behaviors are nothing like "nice", but they work silently in the background to take advantage of others, especially sexually and emotionally through something called "Covert Contracts".

If you ask my wife, I'm the best husband on earth...see how deep my deception has gone?
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post #66 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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So sorry, I meant to say sexual orientation, not thinking straight today, no pun intended.
You mean if I'm attracted to men? No just women.
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post #67 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:04 AM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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Do you have a sex addiction, have you considered the possibility?
He said he isnt having sex with these women.
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post #68 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:16 AM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

OP, it sounds to me like you might have a bit of an addictive personality, combined with poor impulse control. That would lead you to continually chase "new". If that's the case, though, you will probably have had a history of chasing novelty in all areas of your life. Are you one to take up a new hobby, then tire of it after a few months and move on? Do you need new "toys" or new clothes or new gear of your choice often? Prone to impulse buys? Tire quickly of things that initially interested you greatly? Need to keep upping the stakes in competitive endeavors, or in gambling? If you answer yes to those questions, then it's likely that the women are yet another symptom of your continual need for novelty and your poor ability to control your impulses. You might converse with your therapist about that possibility. There are methods to learn better coping skills that don't involve hurting the people you purport to love.

By the way, the above in no way excuses your cheating on your wife as you have been. Part of being a functional adult is learning to control yourself so that you don't hurt people. If you're not able to control your need for novelty regarding women, then you have no business being married. Know yourself, accept who you are, and be honest enough not to involve innocent people in your issues. Or change yourself so that you're not in danger of hurting those same innocent people. Cheating is a choice you are making. You absolutely have the capacity to choose differently. Either stop it and get control of yourself, or be single and live however you'd like.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi

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post #69 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:30 AM
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OP, you're 45 and hitting on a 21 yr old girl. What is wrong with your sense of judgment? What happens when her Dad, who is probably the same age as you, seeks you out to discuss your behavior? What BS story are you gonna tell him as to why you seek out young girls?
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post #70 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:34 AM
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So what happens when your W starts a relationship with a really sexy and rich 58 yr old guy who really "gets her"?

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post #71 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:08 PM Thread Starter
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Honestly have not thought about that. Im disgusting i know
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post #72 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:13 PM Thread Starter
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One time she actually told me that there was an older gentleman that was very much into her at work. We kind of laughed about it and I didnt think anything about it but I honestly don't know how I would feel about it . Probably pissed but I would definitely investigate why my wife is attracted to him and try to understand her. I would feel like crap though
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post #73 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:21 PM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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So what happens when your W starts a relationship with a really sexy and rich 58 yr old guy who really "gets her"?
yep
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post #74 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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One time she actually told me that there was an older gentleman that was very much into her at work. We kind of laughed about it and I didnt think anything about it but I honestly don't know how I would feel about it . Probably pissed but I would definitely investigate why my wife is attracted to him and try to understand her. I would feel like crap though
In the end how much do you value your wife and marriage?
When you have answered that question you will know what to do.
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post #75 of 202 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: OPEN confession of a confused man. (please dont judge)

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OP, you're 45 and hitting on a 21 yr old girl. What is wrong with your sense of judgment? What happens when her Dad, who is probably the same age as you, seeks you out to discuss your behavior? What BS story are you gonna tell him as to why you seek out young girls?
while being married to someone else...................
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