Originally Posted by SuperConfusedHusband View Post
Yeah this is tough one. Still debating if tell my wife and then how, with or without a therapist.
too old for him (he was in his 20s).
Ok see...people hit on other people wives and husbands and married people hit on other people. That looks an acceptable reality for my wife since she was able to discuss her interest with me without problems. I honestly dont know what would she say if I told her that I hit on ladies. Maybe she will just brush it off and say its normal and tell me: "just dont sleep with them". I have to ask her more directly maybe tomorrow.
I know I took it a step too far by going for coffee with them, but I never touched them. Not trying to excuse my behavior, just saying that since I never asked her what she thinks about me hitting on other ladies, I might be blowing this out of proportion, and stopped myself just in time!
I know that if I had kissed even one of those ladies that would not sit well with my wife.
Oh no, no, no; don't minimize your transgressions regardless of how far you did or didn't go. Intent was there and that is enough to constitute cheating. You seeked more than once these OW. You dined and wined them. You also were monetarily generous with them. You stole time, attention, and assets that belonged to the marriage and most certainly to your WIFE. That is Cheating no matter what you think. Just turn it around and be the one on the receiving end of the deceit. I am certain that you wouldn't just brush it off as just people always flirt with other people even if they are married.
Did your wife initiate the flirting? Did she openly engage or did she shy away? Maybe she didn't put him in his place for whatever reason, but in the past when I was younger; I had no problem putting men that openly flirted with me in their place. My vows meant something and I demanded respect if they decided to ignore my wedding bands which I always wore. Just because some people accept this behavior doesn't mean it is right and should be dismissed. It's flat out disrespectful. This is something you and your wife need to realize. Your marriage lacks boundaries. You may need to read Boundaries in Marriage as well as Not Just Friends among other reads.
Make no mistake about it; Your wife will be devastated if you tell her what you did. It's really bad. She will NOT trust you and rightfully so. She probably won't get over the deceit. That is the worst part. The lies destroy trust. She will NOT believe that you weren't physical and the mind movies will not allow her to live in peace.
Is your wife the independent type that knows her worth? If she is, she will dump you for sure! It may not be right away, but once the shock wears off, she will let you go to save her own sanity. You will not be worth it in the long run. I speak from experience, both from personal experience and from the type of work I do and see what eventually happens once trust has been destroyed. Humpty Dumpty CANNOT be put together again. That is the norm, not the exception. Her trust will be forever broken just like Humpty.
Will she recover, yes; but more than likely not your marriage though.
This is why we are trying to help you. Don't minimize just how much your actions have jeopardized your marriage. It was or is very close to destroying it!