Finally have had enough - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:11 AM Thread Starter
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Finally have had enough

After 2 1/2 years of absolute chaos I have finally have had enough. Short story husband of 13 years had an affair with a co-worker. He moved out the affair fell apart. He came back and we decided to try to make it work. I thought we were finally getting somewhere after I had a heart attack at the age of 37 from all the stress this has caused. He changed jobs. Roll back to 2 months ago, he started to pull away going out with friends for all hours of the night, gets p!ssed when I ask him where he is going. He told me that he has to disconnect from everyone that he wishes that everything would just go away. I asked him tonight if he would do therapy, he says he hates them, asked him to try to work harder on the marriage, he tells me he doesn't have the heart for it anymore. So I have decided that enough is enough and I'm finally going to go through with the divorce. Thing is, is that I'm alright with this decision, a little scared about finances because he makes 4 times more then me. But My S and I will be alright. Kinda of sad that we have been together for 22 years but I guess we live and learn.


Last edited by MattMatt; 03-19-2017 at 04:20 AM.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:23 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

You'll be okay. No-one deserves to live with someone who wants to disconnect from everyone and can't be bothered to make himself a better man. You're entitled to alimony for a long time and half the marital assets. You will be just fine. You're young and can find a man who deserves you.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:30 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks so much. I worry about how my S is going to handle it. But now that I look back over the past couple of years, he truly hasn't put 100% into making anything work. He gives the bare minimum and expects it to be ok. Even after leaving his old job he emails the OW to wish her happy holidays. That was another fight, but he expects me to be ok with it.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:41 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

It looks like you gave it your all for a long time and your health took a toll on you. It's time to let the dead weight go. That is what your husband is, a dead weight and not someone or something that can be salvageable.

Save yourself and your son and let him go. You stayed for too long and thank goodness you are not dead from the stress this whole hell caused. I think we hold on to dead weight for much more than we have to due to fear of the unknown.

Well the unknown is a hell of a lot more healthy for you than staying with this remorseless, selfish man that will only further throw you into the deep dark hole where you may not have been able to get out in one piece.

Accept that the marriage is dead, but you got your son which is a very good thing that came from those years. Learn from the mistakes made and hopefully learn to know when to let them go and not staying too long in a relationship that was not meant to be for that period of time or if ever.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:56 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

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Originally Posted by Help1107 View Post
After 2 1/2 years of absolute chaos I have finally have had enough. Short story husband of 13 years had an affair with a co-worker. He moved out the affair fell apart. He came back and we decided to try to make it work. I thought we were finally getting somewhere after I had a heart attack at the age of 37 from all the stress this has caused. He changed jobs. Roll back to 2 months ago, he started to pull away going out with friends for all hours of the night, gets p!ssed when I ask him where he is going. He told me that he has to disconnect from everyone that he wishes that everything would just go away. I asked him tonight if he would do therapy, he says he hates them, asked him to try to work harder on the marriage, he tells me he doesn't have the heart for it anymore. So I have decided that enough is enough and I'm finally going to go through with the divorce. Thing is, is that I'm alright with this decision, a little scared about finances because he makes 4 times more then me. But My S and I will be alright. Kinda of sad that we have been together for 22 years but I guess we live and learn.
It's about time. No WS is worth having a heart attack over.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 02:46 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

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Originally Posted by Help1107 View Post
After 2 1/2 years of absolute chaos I have finally have had enough. Short story husband of 13 years had an affair with a co-worker. He moved out the affair fell apart. He came back and we decided to try to make it work. I thought we were finally getting somewhere after I had a heart attack at the age of 37 from all the stress this has caused. He changed jobs. Roll back to 2 months ago, he started to pull away going out with friends for all hours of the night, gets p!ssed when I ask him where he is going. He told me that he has to disconnect from everyone that he wishes that everything would just go away. I asked him tonight if he would do therapy, he says he hates them, asked him to try to work harder on the marriage, he tells me he doesn't have the heart for it anymore. So I have decided that enough is enough and I'm finally going to go through with the divorce. Thing is, is that I'm alright with this decision, a little scared about finances because he makes 4 times more then me. But My S and I will be alright. Kinda of sad that we have been together for 22 years but I guess we live and learn.
At least you are at the point now where you are ready to move on. This is will make it much easier.

Clearly you don’t need his drama in your life.

So have you filed for divorce? If not when do you think you will do this?

What plans do you have for the rest of your life? It’s time to look to the future.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:16 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

I'll bet you feel a little bit relieved. You gave your all and he just don't want it . Your eyes are finaly wide open your mind is set.

Good for you
. You will be much happier .

Good luck
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:25 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

So he potentiality put you at risk of STDs/HIV and he gave you a heart attack at the very young age of of 37?

Before you find out what else he could do to you, it is time to divorce him.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:42 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

You both made a choice to give it a best effort. The problem is, he was clearly not up to the task.

You need 100% effort from both sides. At least you found out precisely how much it was worth it to him to save the relationship. There's no shame in making absolutely sure of something before moving on. It's like testing a hypothesis.

Upwards and onwards. It may hurt a bit, but you'll be OK.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 06:27 AM Thread Starter
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I'm collecting all the information that I need now. I will hopefully be able to file very soon, I've actually started to fill out information about a month ago, so it won't be much longer.

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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:32 AM
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Re: Finally have had enough

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But now that I look back over the past couple of years, he truly hasn't put 100% into making anything work.
Honestly? It was a HUGE mistake taking back a cheating asswagon who CHOSE to desert his wife and child to live with his side piece. You were merely his fall-back option at that point when it blew up in his worthless face and he had nowhere else to go.

He'd shown you exactly what an utter POS he was when he left you, he should have never been allowed to return.

I'm glad you've seen the light you're about to lose this loser.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 07:51 PM
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Re: Finally have had enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by Help1107 View Post
After 2 1/2 years of absolute chaos I have finally have had enough. Short story husband of 13 years had an affair with a co-worker. He moved out the affair fell apart. He came back and we decided to try to make it work. I thought we were finally getting somewhere after I had a heart attack at the age of 37 from all the stress this has caused. He changed jobs. Roll back to 2 months ago, he started to pull away going out with friends for all hours of the night, gets p!ssed when I ask him where he is going. He told me that he has to disconnect from everyone that he wishes that everything would just go away. I asked him tonight if he would do therapy, he says he hates them, asked him to try to work harder on the marriage, he tells me he doesn't have the heart for it anymore. So I have decided that enough is enough and I'm finally going to go through with the divorce. Thing is, is that I'm alright with this decision, a little scared about finances because he makes 4 times more then me. But My S and I will be alright. Kinda of sad that we have been together for 22 years but I guess we live and learn.
So sorry Help but you are correct, you will be alright. Just make sure you get a good lawyer and get what you deserve for you and your son.

You gave him the gift of reconciliation but is sounds like he wasn't into it, otherwise he would have been falling over backwards to make it work. Maybe he is too chicken to pull the plug and hoped you would when he had the affair. Some people are cowards in more ways than one.
Ensure you have a good support group as you will need one.

How old is your son?
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 08:29 PM Thread Starter
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S is 8 years old now. And the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. It's amazing how fast they grow up and how much the really do understand, even when you think they don't. H has became a better Dad. Where before he kind of just sat around and let me do everything, he is participating more in his life.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 10:06 PM
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Re: Finally have had enough

Good. He can be a great dad and have generous visitation rights in his new residence. You'll have one less person to clean up after and can find someone who is both a dad and husband.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:10 PM
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Re: Finally have had enough

Your husband is tearing you down and cares more about his elfishness than he does his own son.

Get all the help that you can to build yourself back up in your community and anywhere else. Get a plan to keep your emotions from compromising and thinking that your husband is going to become what you want him to be. You should start life without him and if you want you can make him prove for YEARS that he is going to make you and your son solely number one. Make a long range plan, be patient, be diligent, and make a better life for yourself where you will be strong enough with or without him.

Do not panic as you are young and have time to rebuild your life.
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