Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 02:27 AM Thread Starter
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Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

I've been a pretty crappy person at times. I'll start with that. Been married 4 years and together 8. We are both 31. She started hiding her phone for the past year so I drank more. A lot. It came to a crash one night when she came home late and we got into it and I grabbed her phone and it got slightly physical. No ok but no punches or physical injury. Went to jail Jan 12th. Got out and we decided to make it work. By February I caught her talking to what she called the guy of her dreams from high school. Confronted her and she said it's been going on half our marriage and she would end it. They apparently met up once at his house, she admitted she hoped he would come in to her but he never did. They just "hugged". Over the next month I believed they were talking on Snapchat. I called him up and he said there was nothing going on and I thought we understood he would stay away. He snap chatted her the next day and she was pissed. We got over it and we're better than ever. Really couldn't be better. Perfect. Then I noticed he was still on the friends list so I asked her to delete him. She got pissed again. Said that was her only friend when I wasn't being a good husband but she hasn't talked to him. A week after a Snapchat was sent to him. After the unfriending. I figured out Snapchat and realized she would have to add him to talk to him. She claims she accidentally mass messaged people and he was in it. I read everyone extremely well. Not sure why she can lie and I can't tell. Anyway. We have a 9 and a 1 year old. My family despises divorce. I know it's going to mess the kids up if this goes down. I recommended an open marriage and she said no way and we are great. She doesn't know I know she lied about the Snapchat thing 2 weeks ago and I've kept it to myself seeing if she'd come clean. That haven't seemed to talk since. Maybe it was just a message saying my hubby isn't cool with this so let's take a break. Idk. She knows by now the guy is an ******* and they can't be together because he doesn't like kids and turns out he's a mess too. I know it's hard to let friends go but since I've sobered up, I feel like catering to her. Here's my next move as of now. I get home on Monday and will confront her about the lie. Give her the option to send the text telling him to piss off for good or we start divorce proceedings. She's stubborn and hates being told what to do so she will probably go with the divorce thing and move back out thinking I will crack. Which I usually do. But I'm going into this fully determined to pull the trigger if necessary. I may have not have been the best husband in years past so I'm stuck knowing I'm part of the reason my kids lives are getting jacked up. Anywho. Any thoughts? Questions? Like I said it's been about perfect the last 2 months with a few hiccups. But when I said be completely honest I really meant I can't take any more lies.


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Last edited by snap11yz1; 03-19-2017 at 02:35 AM.
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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 02:51 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

First off, she's lying to you: she's slept w/ this guy.

Sorry, but there's just no way that she went to this guy's house and "nothing happened", especially given that she's essentially refused to cut contact w/ him since.

You might as well accept this, because it's fact.

(Come on, man... use your head.)

So, knowing that, if you want to divorce, go for it.

If, however, you're inclined to reconcile, tell her to cut the bull****, go no contact w/ this *********, AND come clean, else you're filing for divice.

Draw your line in the sand and stand up for yourself FFS.

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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 03:41 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

OP The best thing you can do is listen what Gus just post to you. OP be advised your wife is sleeping with this guy she is not innocent, cheaters lie she is a cheater sorry you need to be told the truth.! And denial will prolong your misery... you came to the right place buddy just keep posting.

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Last edited by Sparta; 03-19-2017 at 04:42 AM. Reason: Me being Retarded again
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:32 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

Get tested for STDs.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:52 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

Yeah they just hugged. She forgot to say it was a private parts hug.

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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:53 AM Thread Starter
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

Yea I figured there was probably a 80%+ chance they had sex numerous times. Even the acceptance with this isn't that bad. It would be so much easier if she admitted to it and stopped lying about stuff. It's betrayal that hurts the most. Not as much the screwing part. Once a cheater always a cheater or do people change?


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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 05:06 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

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Originally Posted by snap11yz1 View Post
Yea I figured there was probably a 80%+ chance they had sex numerous times. Even the acceptance with this isn't that bad. It would be so much easier if she admitted to it and stopped lying about stuff. It's betrayal that hurts the most. Not as much the screwing part. Once a cheater always a cheater or do people change?


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I think everyone has the potential to change, but not everyone has the ability or desire to do what is necessary to effect and sustain that change. It really depends on the person and also your willingness to test whether they are capable of true change.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 05:15 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

If you only knew the number of BHs that come here looking for advise for what they think is a EA or at most a non-sexual PA only to learn with further digging that we advise him to do that it is indeed a full blown sexual PA.

For your wife to admit that this has been going on for half your marriage and then follow up with they never had sex is a bridge to far for any sane person to believe.

I'm going to strongly advise that you get a DNA on the baby. Any woman that would cheat on her husband with a 1 year baby at home is pretty far gone, unless the OM is the father of the kid.

I'm going to guess that this OM is in a lower socioeconomic position than you are and is also in a steady relationship that he doesn't want to jeopardize for your wife. It is very likely that to him, she's just his side peace but to her, he's her "soulmate."

Don't use the "my family doesn't believe in divorce." as an excuse to stay in this excrement show of a situation because I'm sure your family doesn't believe in staying married to an adulterous woman who may have had OM's kid.
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 06:56 AM
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Cool re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

Quote:
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Yeah they just hugged. She forgot to say it was a private parts hug.
Not to intentionally be a flippant smarta$$, but that secretive nude "pelvic hugging" seems to be a rather popular activity these days!

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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 07:54 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

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Yea I figured there was probably a 80%+ chance they had sex numerous times. Even the acceptance with this isn't that bad. It would be so much easier if she admitted to it and stopped lying about stuff. It's betrayal that hurts the most. Not as much the screwing part. Once a cheater always a cheater or do people change?


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Change from what? Not cheating on you? The very fact that someone does it the first time should be one time too many. Basically she wanted/did bang someone other than you.

So yeah she might change and say I won't bang other people, the 1,2 or 3 times were enough, not to mention the lying, the emotionally cheating preceding the physical sexual stuff. So yes, after a man has thoroughly bonked her brains out she might come to realise she values your relationship more.

So if you're ready for a lifetime of 50% trust, acceptance that she likes to bang other people and she's willing to admit her wrongs and try not banging other people, then yes..yes cheaters do change.

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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 08:01 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

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Originally Posted by snap11yz1 View Post
Yea I figured there was probably a 80%+ chance they had sex numerous times. Even the acceptance with this isn't that bad. It would be so much easier if she admitted to it and stopped lying about stuff. It's betrayal that hurts the most. Not as much the screwing part. Once a cheater always a cheater or do people change?
Some do.

Your wife sounds like she has the potential to be a serial wayward, though. And that's assuming that she isn't already.

And serials don't change.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 08:12 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

If it's been going on for half the marriage you'd better DNA the one year old.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 09:08 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

She is an addict for the OM.

She is not controlling her addiction. She has never gotten over this guy.

Start the D now. Tell her to go to her OM and just leave.

Have you scheduled her polygraph yet?

Have you exposed her A to her family, your family and to her OM's family?

How many burner phones does she have?

have you put the voice recorder in her car?
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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 09:27 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

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Once a cheater always a cheater or do people change?


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The likelihood that sh'll change is remote, most don't. She isn't breaking contact, so how can you stay with her and maintain your self respect? You should have dumped her butt when she had you sent to jail because that's what she thinks of you. Wake up!


"If more people were judgmental, then maybe there would be less infidelity"
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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 10:11 AM
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re: Deciding whether to stay with wife that emotionally cheats.

DNA that last child, if she has been in communications half your marriage then there is a possibility
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