BS with long time update - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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BS with long time update

Hello I was here circa 2002. I Signed up and told my story.
My D-Day is 1/10/02. My wife had an affair with a co-worker. I found out from marks he left on her.
Its been a hard fought 15 years. I had many people here then tell me my story was fake. It drove me away from this site.
I'm still with my wife. I have 3 kids all in college now.

I came back to read through some stories and try help if I could.
If I could choose to do it over again, I would not. I would advise any BS not to reconcile. Even now I do not have a real marriage. Trust...well you never get that back. The pain fades.
I have a good relationship with my wife but I am sure I would be a lot happier had I left in 2002.
I had hopes things would be like they were. I was blinded by love.
So makes your choices wisely. Listen to BSs here. Get a lawyer. Get a D. Get on with your life. Be happy.

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post #2 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:22 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

I'm new to this group but I've been a member at SI since 2010. I tried and tried, through multiple indiscretions on his part. And after all that, he decides he doesn't know what he wants. I would also advise new BS to run like your ass is on fire.

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post #3 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

Sorry to hear since 2002 the marriage was never right again for you. What are your plans for the future? Continue on with the marriage after the kids have graduated college?

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #4 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

You sir have valuable life experience to pass on.

I have no doubt that you can be helpful to others simply by telling the story of how you got to where you are now and what you have learned over the years as a result of the journey.
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post #5 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: BS with long time update

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
Sorry to hear since 2002 the marriage was never right again for you. What are your plans for the future? Continue on with the marriage after the kids have graduated college?
Any BS who thinks it will right again for them is foolish. I was foolish. I thought my marriage was different than all the others.
Yes I will continue still. Our business is doing well and a D now....well I don't see it.
I find happiness in small things that I do for myself.
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post #6 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:33 AM Thread Starter
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Re: BS with long time update

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Originally Posted by TDSC60 View Post
You sir have valuable life experience to pass on.

I have no doubt that you can be helpful to others simply by telling the story of how you got to where you are now and what you have learned over the years as a result of the journey.
Oh the journey I've had....
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post #7 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:34 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

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Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Any BS who thinks it will right again for them is foolish. I was foolish. I thought my marriage was different than all the others.
Yes I will continue still. Our business is doing well and a D now....well I don't see it.
I find happiness in small things that I do for myself.
If you don't mind me asking, does your W know you feel this way?

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #8 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:40 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

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Oh the journey I've had....

Yes... more info please. I am a BS still in limbo. Would love some insight.
Did she do it again?
How was she during R?
Did you go to counseling?
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post #9 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:41 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

Would you mind sharing the specifics of what you have learned since 2002, of the things you would have done differently?

Some members might benefit from your thoughts on specifics, regarding challenges about finances, children, cohabitation, etc.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #10 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: BS with long time update

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Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
If you don't mind me asking, does your W know you feel this way?
I'm here to answer all questions.
Not fully. She knows the damage she's done. She NEVER came fully clean. Never will, I guess.
I needed details I never got. She said it was over. Got a confession but the affair continued behind my back. We were seeing a MC and he said he wanted to meet with her alone for a few more months.
She never when back to him and used that time to meet OM while I stayed home with small children.
I was at home feeling great about progress.

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post #11 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:47 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

Was OM married? If so, was the affair exposed to his wife?

How long after D-Day did she continue to work with OM?

Is she still employed at the same place?

Were any of your children conceived around the time of the affair?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #12 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: BS with long time update

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Originally Posted by adegirl2016 View Post
Yes... more info please. I am a BS still in limbo. Would love some insight.
Did she do it again?
How was she during R?
Did you go to counseling?

Did she do it again? yes 3 different times. Different men. And I was a hawk watching.
How was she during R? She was very willing and upbeat.
Did you go to counseling? Yes. Three times. Three different MCs.
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post #13 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:49 AM
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Re: BS with long time update

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Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Did she do it again? yes 3 different times. Different men. And I was a hawk watching.
How was she during R? She was very willing and upbeat.
Did you go to counseling? Yes. Three times. Three different MCs.
HOLY. CRAP.

Is divorce illegal where you live?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #14 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: BS with long time update

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Was OM married? If so, was the affair exposed to his wife?

How long after D-Day did she continue to work with OM?

Is she still employed at the same place?

Were any of your children conceived around the time of the affair?
How long after D-Day did she continue to work with OM? For a year. I was not aware of his identity at the time. She kept meeting him.

Is she still employed at the same place? No. I made her quit. We started a business together.

Were any of your children conceived around the time of the affair? No.

OM was single.

Last edited by StillSearching; 03-23-2017 at 10:55 AM.
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post #15 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: BS with long time update

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
HOLY. CRAP.

Is divorce illegal where you live?
I wanted to live with my children. Raise them. They are doing very well.
Now keep in mind there are many reasons I told myself it is worth staying.
A lot of BSs might do so as well.
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