It's been 5 months since I discovered my WH had an 'affair' 5 years ago
I am a military wife that has been married for 19 years and have been chronically ill for 6 years. The past 6 years have been super stressful for me and I had only recently stopped grieving my life before I got sick.
I discovered through facebook that 5 years ago my spouse befriended a woman while deployed and slept with her twice. Before the affair and after the affair he had been an amazing loving dedicated spouse and devoted father. When I became ill he took me to all my doctors appointments, the whole 9 yards. I had to have brain surgery and I changed - I began having severe mood swings and gained alot of weight, in short I was no longer the woman I used to be.
We never usually argue but 5 years ago we got into a screaming match where I shoved him and he ended up choking me. A few months later his father passed away and it was an even more stressful time. At that time, despite my being severely ill the military deployed my husband and I stayed home with our children. He called me every day while deployed. During that time my spouse befriended a coworker's female friend and she asked for his email & phone number - so she could 'show him around' and lend support. He told this woman about my illness & surgery, asked her to pray for me etc. They strike up a friendship over a few months. Being nice, he helped her move and then she decides to offer him sex as payment - He decides to have sex with this woman despite knowing he has kids & a sick wife a thousand miles away
He told me he called her back a week later and had sex with her again, then never went back. He was only deployed for about 7 months. Fast foward to 5 months ago, I went to log into Facebook on our computer and he was logged in - I saw his inbox conversation with this woman -They had been Facebook friends for at least 2 years & he started chatting with her on Facebook the past year - he inquired about her family, complimented her looks, and his last message was reminiscing about the showers they took. She blocks him because she's married now and doesn't want to upset her husband
When I confronted him, He lied his ass off, said it wasn't him and wouldn't admit until 24 hours later after arguing. I feel confused - yes I was betrayed but can I call a 2 night stand an 'affair'?
I am distraught & still disbelieving. I don't know whether to stay or divorce him. I keep asking him why. I can't understand why he would stay in contact with this woman. We tried to go to a MC but after 1 session they felt we should go to separate counseling. We have started separate counseling but it has been unhelpful for me. My WH says he's remorseful and that he has felt guilty for the past 5 years but I think he's only sorry he got caught, he has NOT shown remorse in my opinion. He's slept like a log the past 5 years . The grief of being chronically ill has come back full force with this revelation. I thought I had survived brain surgery with out any casualties but it looks like my marriage will be one