True but that won't necessarily result in that person not posting.
In a thread like this one where the OP is asking for input on something personal, the OP can ask that a user not post anymore on their thread. And sure, technically the user has the ability and software permissions to post on the thread. But the moderators will enforce the OPís request by deleting posts and/or giving the user who keeps posting at the objecting the OP a time-out ban or worse.
Now a third party on a thread cannot tell another poster not to post on that thread (unless that 3rd party is a moderator.)
I believe I told her that a particular post she made seemed selfish.
Not that is not what you posted. Here is your entire post:
Sorry but you sound selfish
Nowhere does it mention a particular post, or why you might come to this conclusion. There was nothing helpful in the post, only an attack on the OP.
It was based on her own posts where she explicitly called out all the times she didn't consider either the marriage or her H in her decisions ( I think but I'm getting old and it may not have been me or may not have been that issue
I think it's important to get feedback from different perspectives. I have not been through infidelity and I have a stable, very LT relationship with someone who considers me in all decisions and vice versa. So I have no triggers and no ax to grind.
Selfish behavior, in particular, is often overlooked by the actor. It's common among moms - who interpret their behavior only (or primarily) though the view as a mother. What looks self sacrificing can also be very selfish from the view of the H. Most H don't want to feel that way so they ignore, suppress, etc but still build resentment. In fact, "motherhood" behavior can be very selfish to the H and marriage because most moms I know WANT to fully commit to motherhood and CONSCIOUSLY put other needs out of their mind. When days are filled 24/7 with work,housework, childrearing because the mom CHOOSES to meet her own needs and her perception of her childrens' needs this way as a mother, they can be shocked to later learn of the damage this has caused to their relationship.
So I don't expect OP to hear this but it doesn't mean it shouldn't be said.
The OP is here on TAM only 1 week after what is probably the worst day of her life, the day she found out that her husband was cheating. She is bearing her soul here. Few BSís come on TAM and are that introspective.
Most marriages where there are children go through a period of time when the parents so overly focused on the children, earning a living and the business of raising a family. Itís not only the SAHM (or women) who tend to lose their way. Men (or the breadwinner) often does as well. I have no doubt that the her husbandís behavior could be dissected as well and he would come up short too (this is other than the affair). In most marriages that have problem, both spouses contribute to the problem.
I am sure that you are not perfect and would bet that if you honestly listed your contributions to problems in your marriage, you too would come off looking selfish or some other negative descriptive word.
BTW I am an equal opportunity poster - I post when I see positive behavior as well as questionable behavior. I would prefer to be wrong most of the time if it provides a TAM poster in distress help or insight sone of the time.
Also... I don't NOT support her approach here even though it's unconventional. (I can't say I support it because I honestly don't know if it will work and haven't been through this before)
Actually, her approach is very conventional. Itís the approach used by many, if not the vast majority, of people who help marriages that experience infidelity recover from infidelity. Itís the method used by Marriage Builders and Divorce BustersÖ. Two groups that are very successful in helping couples recover from infidelity.
It might not be the usual approach on TAM, but TAM is made up of self-selected lay people who have no formal training and no experience in actually helping marriage recover from infidelity.
We on TAM are not here to tell people what they must do. We are here to give support in what they have chosen to do. Itís the OPís right to choose to first try to save her marriage. As she has said, she will give this a chance. If it does not work then she will look at other alternatives.