Re: Found Out Husband Had an Affair
Until he can see that all the suffering was caused by his errant desires and poor choices, the other path will always be tempting. Somewhere, some way, he needs to see that his "not happy for a long time" is more about his fall, than the marriage's fall.
Humility is an incredible 2x4... once seen at face value, he will have an incredible amount of remorse to deal with, anybody conscious of the extent of pain they delivered like that will. In order to grow from such, we have to work through it as it stands. You may feel you want to try to soften it for him because you will see his pain in it as well, but it may be best to remember that while you both hurt, there is ownership in his actions and he needs to be able to come to terms "un-sugarcoated" so he can fully understand how detrimental the way he went about his desire was.
I applaud your forgiving heart, please remember that in our own humility that we cannot set aside some pride without reinforcing it with something else, such as boundaries. You have set them well to start, but there may be a time he falters as he juggles his emotions why he stumbled to begin with... if he cannot see your boundaries as clearly as you, and the outcome of crossing them, then his line of unmindful departure may trip, and trip again as he relearns to respect himself.
Respect is so important here... if he cannot have it for himself, he cannot have it for you and I see this as a first hurdle. If you can work together to show it's value, that it is always available with the right mind, that we can all be worthy of it even in times of coming to terms and understanding our incredibly poor choices, then there will be clarity of all he has to commit to fix this.
It can be done... we all fall, it's how we pick ourselves up that makes the difference.
Peace be with you.