Cheated with Best friend, Now he's back. HELP

morituri · 12-29-2011, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TashaB

What I am asking is that he allow us to earn his trust back. He has already started to with me.

This is not a marriage of 3. You made a vow to your husband when you married him to forsake all others. And that includes your so called male 'friend' who wants nothing more than another chance(s) to get in to your pants.

HelloooNurse · 12-29-2011, 10:31 PM

"No" usually works for me.

TashaB · 12-29-2011, 10:40 PM

Of course I chose my H. H is dew home soon, am nervous. I'm going to tell him when he gets here. Cant sit still, and I don't feel well.

DawnD · 12-29-2011, 10:47 PM

Then don't bother asking if you can be "friends" with the OM if you choose your H. That is one of the most disrespectful things I have heard on here honestly. Respect yourself and your husband, and realize this "friend" is not a friend of your marriage. Move on.

morituri · 12-29-2011, 10:48 PM

We are here to support you in doing the right thing.

aug · 12-29-2011, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TashaB

I've known him all of my life, I love him. But i'm in love with my husband. What do I do? It feels hard to breath. I want his friendship back. Doesn't he deserve a 2nd chance too?

I haven't told my husband that I've seen him. I'm waiting to figure out what I'm going to do first. Please help!!!

Some actions have extreme consequences. An extra-marital relationship is one of these.

Your world has now changed. It can never be the same again. You'll have to decide what you changed world is. You used to have both friend and husband; now it looks like you cant.

adv · 12-29-2011, 10:58 PM

You can either love and respect your husband or you can love and respect your friend (**** buddy). But if it's the latter, let your husband go so he can find a woman worthy of him.

morituri · 12-29-2011, 10:59 PM

No man who has confessed love to a married woman and then proceeds to have sex with her, is going to suddenly find religion and request to have the old friendship restored. That is wishful thinking on your part. He is using this as a way to re-enter your life, seduce you once more, destroy your marriage and once he's had his fill of you, throw you under the bus.

If he truly had any love for you, he would have left you and your marriage alone for true love is never selfish.

adv · 12-29-2011, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morituri

No man who has confessed love to a married woman and then proceeds to have sex with her, is going to suddenly find religion and request to have the old friendship restored. That is wishful thinking on your part. He is using this as a way to re-enter your life, seduce you once more, destroy your marriage and once he's had his fill of you, throw you under the bus.

If he truly had any love for you, he would have left you and your marriage alone for true love is never selfish.

Just how do you expect to remain "just friends" with a man you husband knows you cheated on him with?

bryanp · 12-29-2011, 11:13 PM

If the roles were reversed how would you be feeling? You really are out of your mind. Your husband gave you the gift of recovery after your horribly betrayed him by having sex with this man behind your husband's back and you are now confused about this other man coming back within your life and you want to prove to your husband that the both of you can be trusted again? What is wrong with this picture? I am sure that if your husband had screwed a good female friend behind your back then you would be thrilled to have him say to you give me and this woman another change to win back your trust together. You are absolutely crazy if you believe this. I am sorry but you are still in the fog.

alphaomega · 12-30-2011, 12:02 AM

If I was the betrayed husband it would be OM a$$kicking time.
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Humble Married Man · 12-30-2011, 12:06 AM

I recommend that you tell your husband ASAP.

But you probably won't.

Entropy3000 · 12-30-2011, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TashaB

I've known my best friend all of my life, since i was 5. About 18 months ago he told me he loved me and always have. And it got out of control. I had sex with him, once. Then I felt terribly guilty, sick all the time. So I told my husband. My H gave me another chance and forgave me. We've been working on our marriage and on trust and have been doing well.

There's been 0 contact between me and my best friend for a year. Now all of a sudden he showed up and wants to be back in my life. He says he's sorry for doing that, for allowing it to happen. He said he wants a second chance, how can I tell him no?

I've known him all of my life, I love him. But i'm in love with my husband. What do I do? It feels hard to breath. I want his friendship back. Doesn't he deserve a 2nd chance too?

I haven't told my husband that I've seen him. I'm waiting to figure out what I'm going to do first. Please help!!!

Tell your husband this man has contacted you again. No your friend does not deserve a second chance at getting into your pants and defiling your marriage further.

You even considering this is further unfaithfulness to your husband. Do not ask him him to have you f-buddy back. That is too much disrespect. Understand that it is you two who broke the marriage. Not your husband.

Entropy3000 · 12-30-2011, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TashaB

I most certainly AM going to tell my husband. I'm just trying to figure things out. And I can understand why a H would say if the W was in contact with OM it would be over. But was the OM her best friend for most of her life??

I'm not judging you, just trying to help you see my point of view in this. I want your help, would you really feel the same if the OM was the best friend for most of her life??

Every moment you wait to tell your husband while you "figure out what you want to do" is a moment of being unfaithful. No your "friend" does not deserve another shot at you.

TashaB · 12-30-2011, 12:12 AM

I cant believe this just happened to me but... Best friend had been blowing up my phone but I ignored it because H was due home soon and I wanted to talk to him. H came home and I said "we need to talk. I saw "best friends name." H just looked at me. So I said "he said he's sorry." then i didn't say anything because H just kept looking at me.

Then H said "you want to be with him?" and I said "no I love you and I don't want anyone else." H looked relieved. Then i told him "but I want to ask you something. do you trust me?"
H - no, it's getting there
Me - well he said sorry and he wants to be best friends again. you know I haven't seen him in over a year. Do you think we could try that? Is that ok with you?
H - hell no it ain't ok with me
Me - are you mad at me for asking?
H - no because you forgive people, you always give people another chance. But you have to understand that you cant have us both in your life anymore. It's either one or the other. And I know you want to give him another chance but you cant or we're done.

Thats when i told my H that I wont have him back in my life. Then I promised. That i was going to tell him no and it would be over, I wouldn't talk to him again. God I cant believe this happened to me... I went out on our back deck to get some fresh air while i called my best friend. But then he scared the hell out of me by walking up to me. I hadn't known he was there.

I told my best friend no that it wont work out but he just said it's ok. That I could leave and live with him. Then he said that he was in love with me. I was going to say no again when he pulled out a ring. A f**king ring!! WTH!!??! He said will you marry me? right on my back porch. I yelled no. I didn't mean to yell, its quite late here, but he wasn't listening, and H ran outside and punched him. I started crying and H grabbed me and went back into the house. H was going to call the cops but I asked him not to.

I cant believe this just happened to me, it's been a long day.