TashaB sorry to tell you it's not over......your ex lover probely is not going to give up AND your husband is going to be in pain, angery for you asking to bring this guy back into your life .... Your going to have to deal with the repercussions.
Simple, the fact that you even considered having this man back in your life is almost as disrespectful to your husband as the orginal affair.
Did you really feel that your husband would be ok with you and your liver going for coffee, the movies, hanging out together - really.
I am flabbergasted that you don't see it! I can only imagine the pain your husband is in right now.....the open wound in his heart nit caused by your ex-lover but the pain caused by you for even considering bringing your ex-lover back into your and his life. I suspect your husband is going demonstrate and vocalize his anger after the shock of this wears off.
I hope your marriage survives this......did you really think that your husband would smile and welcome the dude that f##ked his wife into your house, hang out with him, have him to dinner.......fantasy on full force - embrace the real world Tashsa and get on your knees apologize with remorse for your stupidity and beg for forgiveness for ripping his heart yet once again. Posted via Mobile Device
What is it you don't understand about the vows you took
What do you think a mge. is
It is NOT about you having other men ALONG WITH YOUR H.
If you wanted to mess with multiple men---you should have stayed single
Did anyone put you in a hammerlock, and force you to say I DO??
Once you voiced those words, you agreed, there would be no other men in your life, except for friends, that are friends of your mge., that you converse with occassionally, on a light basis
This guy is none of that---AND YOU KNOW IT
You have led this guy on enuff, so he comes on your property uninvited, calls excessively, and has caused your H., to have to be physical, just to defend his OWN home
You are way to immature, or naive, if you think nothing is going on here, and that you are not the cause of it
Grow up---either be loyal to you H/mge. or get a D.
This whole situation makes me want to cry, but I hold it together. I don't want to hurt my husband. I don't want this to be any worse for him then it already is. What I am asking is that he allow us to earn his trust back. He has already started to with me.
ALLOW US? You are already talking about yourself and your "friend",as "us"? And you don't see anything wrong with this? Girl, are you really that selfish and disrespectful to your husband? You are a cheater and you want the man who you f**ked behind your husband's back, to be given another chance? To do what? Disrespect your husband more? Cheat again? You really need counseling.
All I can say to win your husband back over is do everything in front of him so he knows. Give up all passwords, etc. Block OM phone number this is free and if he uses another phone your phone company can switch your number for free just say your are being harrassed
I've known my best friend all of my life, since i was 5. About 18 months ago he told me he loved me and always have. And it got out of control. I had sex with him, once. Then I felt terribly guilty, sick all the time. So I told my husband. My H gave me another chance and forgave me. We've been working on our marriage and on trust and have been doing well.
There's been 0 contact between me and my best friend for a year. Now all of a sudden he showed up and wants to be back in my life. He says he's sorry for doing that, for allowing it to happen. He said he wants a second chance, how can I tell him no?
I've known him all of my life, I love him. But i'm in love with my husband. What do I do? It feels hard to breath. I want his friendship back. Doesn't he deserve a 2nd chance too?
I haven't told my husband that I've seen him. I'm waiting to figure out what I'm going to do first. Please help!!!
A second chance to what? Get you in the sack again? Tell your husband.
Tasha, You are very lucky to have such a husband. You cheated on him, disrespected him MASSIVELY by continuing contact with the "best friend", Then asked your husband not to call the cops. You are thinking more about your "friend ', than about what this is doing to your husband. You are a terrible wife. I'm sorry but it's true.
I just wanted to say from what I've read you strike me as one of the better WW's out there. You have been honest with your husband from the beginning and that is the most important thing you see it's not the actual physical affair that kills most marriages if the deceit and lying that comes along with it at least that's my opinion. Asking your husband could you be friends with someone you had an affair with is very hurtful but at same time honest you miss the friendship that comes from from knowing someone a long time and the bond that comes along with that and while I know very well what it's like to lose a best friend over an affair your husband's feelings have to come first in this matter. So while I applaud your honesty keep in mind your husband was the one betrayed and whatever pain you're feeling he's feeling 10 times worse. Best of luck to you you sound like a person who's made a terrible mistake and is sorry I hope it works out for you.
P.S just saw your latest post but it doesn't change anything I said honesty is the most important thing. As long as you and your husband can tell each other how you honestly feel then you have a shot at fixing your marriage it's not a guarantee but then nothing in life is
I just wanted to say from what I've read you strike me as one of the better WW's out there. You have been honest with your husband from the beginning and that is the most important thing you see it's not the actual physical affair that kills most marriages if the deceit and lying that comes along with it at least that's my opinion. Asking your husband could you be friends with someone you had an affair with is very hurtful but at same time honest you miss the friendship that comes from from knowing someone a long time and the bond that comes along with that and while I know very well what it's like to lose a best friend over an affair your husband's feelings have to come first in this matter. So while I applaud your honesty keep in mind your husband was the one betrayed and whatever pain you're feeling he's feeling 10 times worse. Best of luck to you you sound like a person who's made a terrible mistake and is sorry I hope it works out for you.
P.S just saw your latest post but it doesn't change anything I said honesty is the most important thing. As long as you and your husband can tell each other how you honestly feel then you have a shot at fixing your marriage it's not a guarantee but then nothing in life is
Everyone keeps saying i'm wrong but how? Why does everyone feel i'm such a bad wife besides the affair? Anyway its over now but i'm still trying to understand everyone's reactions to me. i'm flabbergasted quite frankly.
We feel the way that we do because you cheated on your husband and you do not seem to care how that has hurt him. Do you not comprehend what your cheating has done to your husband? Do you not realize how hurt he must be? Do you not understand that it will take years for this to heal and that for many it never does heal and is a deal killer. Does it even matter to you that every time he even hears the OM's name a painful movie runs in your husbands head of the OM having sex with you? We are amazed that you could be so selfish and uncaring of his feelings to even think to reintroduce this hurt and betrayal back into his life. You just don't get it because you have not made even the smallest effort to try to see it from your husbands point of view.
You showed that you are taking your husbands gift of forgiveness for granted and were willing to risk your marriage for contact with the OM. You are all about you and what you want. You may be honest, but you are honestly unremorseful.
As for the OM being your BF, when he told you 18 months ago that he loved you and "always" has, he was also admitting to you that your "just friends" friendship was a lie and "always" was. The ring just confirmed this. In his mind he never was your BF, as he always wanted to be your lover. So stop calling him your "BF" or "ex-BF" as this was "always" a lie and you have know that for at least 18 months.
By this time next week, Tasha will probably be rewriting history with her H, begin to think that she loved the POSOM all along, that it was a huge mistake to marry her H...
This sounds very reminiscent of my own affair. But for the fact that I never had any contact again with OM.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaB
But I don't understand why I cant give my best friend a 2nd chance? I would NEVER let it happen again and if my best friend didn't respect that then it would be over forever. My best friend has always been in my life until recently. I've shared so much with him. Why is that wrong to have him stay?
Your saying he cant be in my life, I'm asking why are you saying it isn't possible for me to fix this?
Tasha, you cannot be that dense.
You cheated on your husband with this guy.
This is a guy who told you he loved you, told you hew as "in love" with you and even pulled a ring out to propose to you.
He helped betray your marriage in the worst way.
As long as you are married and your husband will accept you after this, you cannot EVER have any contact with OM again. Ever. For as long as you shall live.
I will put it to you this way:
Imagine your husband has a lifelong friend, "best friend"... this best friend, a woman, tells him she loves him. Things get "out of control" as you said. Your husband has sex with her. Your husband feels awful and tells you about it. You are crushed, your entire world is upside down, never to be the same again. You tell your husband you forgive him but he is never to have contact with her again. He agrees.
And then you find out she is calling him again, even going as far as to show up to your HOUSE. Your marital home.
How would you feel?
Really and truly...how would you FEEL?
This is different than a "one night stand" where strangers have never met before. This is someone he has a long history with.
You would feel awful if you were in your husband's position.
Tell OM to get and stay out of your life. That is, if you want your marriage at all. Block his # and never speak to him again. He is way out of line showing up at your house. It's wrong on so many levels.
Good for your for telling your husband what happened. A lot of people wouldn't.
Accept that you can't be friends with this guy again. That's part of what happens once you cheat/have an affair with someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri
No man who has confessed love to a married woman and then proceeds to have sex with her, is going to suddenly find religion and request to have the old friendship restored. That is wishful thinking on your part.
If he truly had any love for you, he would have left you and your marriage alone for true love is never selfish.
Tasha, tell your husband immediately what the heck is going on with you. Your friend needs to be a past memory. He does not need a second chance he needs to be gone from your life forever. You cannot ever have it both ways. The fact that you have not told your husband speaks volumes. I am trying R with my wife though I have started the paperwork for D and it is on hold. If I found out that my WS had contact with the OM it would be over. I am at the point where I am giving her a chance and in my frame of mind this would be a deal breaker. Your husband needs to know the whole truth so he can make a choice.
Totally agree with this. I am in a similar circumstance and it would be the deal breaker also. He has been out of your life with no contact for a year. Just you thinking about it would tell me you didn't really learn much in regards to your affair and you probably have no idea how much this would hurt your husband.
I'm going to tell my H, I'm just trying to figure things out first. And I do love him deeply, there's no one else I want to be with.
But I don't understand why I cant give my best friend a 2nd chance? I would NEVER let it happen again and if my best friend didn't respect that then it would be over forever. This isn't something I sought out. I never thought I would EVER cheat, but I did, once. My best friend has always been in my life until recently. I've shared so much with him. Why is that wrong to have him stay?
I made a mistake and I fessed up and am still paying for that night. I wished it had never happened. I wish it could just be like it was before it happened. Your saying he cant be in my life, I'm asking why are you saying it isn't possible for me to fix this?
He will ALWAYS want more. This is the fundamental problem with some males and females being "friends". Ususally one wants more and hold their feelings in secret until an opportunity arrises to act on those feelings. He is still in love with you no matter what he says. That will never change. Let him go....
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Re: Cheated with Best friend, Now he's back. HELP 
