I've known my best friend all of my life, since i was 5. About 18 months ago he told me he loved me and always have. And it got out of control. I had sex with him, once. Then I felt terribly guilty, sick all the time. So I told my husband. My H gave me another chance and forgave me. We've been working on our marriage and on trust and have been doing well.
There's been 0 contact between me and my best friend for a year. Now all of a sudden he showed up and wants to be back in my life. He says he's sorry for doing that, for allowing it to happen. He said he wants a second chance, how can I tell him no?
I've known him all of my life, I love him. But i'm in love with my husband. What do I do? It feels hard to breath. I want his friendship back. Doesn't he deserve a 2nd chance too?
I haven't told my husband that I've seen him. I'm waiting to figure out what I'm going to do first. Please help!!!
Tell you H right now that the OM contacted you. If you don't then whatever progress there is to rebuild his trust in you is going to be blown apart.
If you truly love your H and want to remain married to him, then you can never again have anything to do with the OM. The two of you broke your friendship the moment the two of you chose to cross the boundaries (confessing to have feelings of love, the extra-marital sex) that made that friendship possible.
I've known my best friend all of my life, since i was 5. About 18 months ago he told me he loved me and always have. And it got out of control. I had sex with him, once. Then I felt terribly guilty, sick all the time. So I told my husband. My H gave me another chance and forgave me. We've been working on our marriage and on trust and have been doing well.
There's been 0 contact between me and my best friend for a year. Now all of a sudden he showed up and wants to be back in my life. He says he's sorry for doing that, for allowing it to happen. He said he wants a second chance, how can I tell him no?
I've known him all of my life, I love him. But i'm in love with my husband. What do I do? It feels hard to breath. I want his friendship back. Doesn't he deserve a 2nd chance too?
I haven't told my husband that I've seen him. I'm waiting to figure out what I'm going to do first. Please help!!!
Tasha, tell your husband immediately what the heck is going on with you. Your friend needs to be a past memory. He does not need a second chance he needs to be gone from your life forever. You cannot ever have it both ways. The fact that you have not told your husband speaks volumes. I am trying R with my wife though I have started the paperwork for D and it is on hold. If I found out that my WS had contact with the OM it would be over. I am at the point where I am giving her a chance and in my frame of mind this would be a deal breaker. Your husband needs to know the whole truth so he can make a choice.
I've known him all of my life, I love him. But i'm in love with my husband. What do I do? It feels hard to breath. I want his friendship back. Doesn't he deserve a 2nd chance too?
I haven't told my husband that I've seen him. I'm waiting to figure out what I'm going to do first. Please help!!![/QUOTE]
I suggest you march in there and tell your husband this. That you have seen the man you were screwing behind his back again, and that you want to hang out and be "friends" with him. I am sure he will help you pack your bags.....
Tell you H right now that the OM contacted you. If you don't then whatever progress there is to rebuild his trust in you is going to be blown apart.
If you truly love your H and want to remain married to him, then you can never again have anything to do with the OM. The two of you broke your friendship the moment the two of you chose to cross the boundaries (confessing to have feelings of love, the extra-marital sex) that made that friendship possible.
I'm going to tell my H, I'm just trying to figure things out first. And I do love him deeply, there's no one else I want to be with.
But I don't understand why I cant give my best friend a 2nd chance? I would NEVER let it happen again and if my best friend didn't respect that then it would be over forever. This isn't something I sought out. I never thought I would EVER cheat, but I did, once. My best friend has always been in my life until recently. I've shared so much with him. Why is that wrong to have him stay?
I made a mistake and I fessed up and am still paying for that night. I wished it had never happened. I wish it could just be like it was before it happened. Your saying he cant be in my life, I'm asking why are you saying it isn't possible for me to fix this?
No, you can not FIX it. Are you even thinking of what you are asking of your husband? That he watch you hang out with a guy you CHEATED on him with? Seriously? How is that fair to him?
Tasha, tell your husband immediately what the heck is going on with you. Your friend needs to be a past memory. He does not need a second chance he needs to be gone from your life forever. You cannot ever have it both ways. The fact that you have not told your husband speaks volumes. I am trying R with my wife though I have started the paperwork for D and it is on hold. If I found out that my WS had contact with the OM it would be over. I am at the point where I am giving her a chance and in my frame of mind this would be a deal breaker. Your husband needs to know the whole truth so he can make a choice.
I most certainly AM going to tell my husband. I'm just trying to figure things out. And I can understand why a H would say if the W was in contact with OM it would be over. But was the OM her best friend for most of her life??
I'm not judging you, just trying to help you see my point of view in this. I want your help, would you really feel the same if the OM was the best friend for most of her life??
First... if he was REALLY a good friend, he wouldn't boink you and mess with your marriage. Good friends don't do that, horny schmucks who don't really care what happens next do that.
Second.... you are sounding VERY immature, how old are you? So if your husband had sex with one of his friends you would be ok with them still hanging out later? And even if you were ok with it... doesn't mean that he should be. He is entitled to hate your bff... he is entitled to want to strangle the guy who boinked his wife. Why can't you see that?
Third.... of course, it's your choice. You can choose your H and your marriage, and be a big girl and tell the OM to stay away, forever. Orrrrrrrrrr..... you can say goodbye to your marriage. YOU blew it.... you ruined that relationship, that friendship... YOU can't have that AND be married to your H.
But I don't understand why I cant give my best friend a 2nd chance? I would NEVER let it happen again and if my best friend didn't respect that then it would be over forever. This isn't something I sought out. I never thought I would EVER cheat, but I did, once. My best friend has always been in my life until recently. I've shared so much with him. Why is that wrong to have him stay?
This is a BIG red flag for me, no matter how you try and spin it.
To me, it looks like you want the best of both worlds here- you're so-called "BF," and your betrayed husband by your side.
He(BF) is going to be a constant trigger for your husband... don't you understand that???
Would you like it if your husband was friends with his AP, if he cheated on you?
Woman would you please put yourself in your husband's shoes for a minute? How would you feel if the roles were reversed? How would you feel if he wanted to keep his friendship with a woman he slept with?
A best friend does not go and knowingly destroy his friend's marriage. I am sorry to say this but he is NOT your friend and the sooner you accept this truth the better for you, your husband and your marriage.
No, you can not FIX it. Are you even thinking of what you are asking of your husband? That he watch you hang out with a guy you CHEATED on him with? Seriously? How is that fair to him?
This whole situation makes me want to cry, but I hold it together. I don't want to hurt my husband. I don't want this to be any worse for him then it already is. What I am asking is that he allow us to earn his trust back. He has already started to with me.
This whole situation makes me want to cry, but I hold it together. I don't want to hurt my husband. I don't want this to be any worse for him then it already is. What I am asking is that he allow us to earn his trust back. He has already started to with me.
He has ONLY started to trust you because you are his WIFE. He will never, and should never, trust the man who you were cheating on him with. Sorry, make a choice, the husband or the affair partner. That's what he is called BTW, not your best friend, your AFFAIR PARTNER
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Cheated with Best friend, Now he's back. HELP 
Re: Cheated with Best friend, Now he's back. HELP 
