My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 02:09 PM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

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Originally Posted by natsanjose View Post
That she isn't giving up her closet friend because my cheating led me to be insecure.

Where do I go from here?
You can either accept things the way they are and let it go; or you can start the divorce process.

But I can tell you this; as long as your wife values her friendship with him more than her marriage, you don't have much of a marriage to cling on to - if you decide to do nothing.

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post #62 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:53 PM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

Your comment "who she is whoring herself out to" seems to define you.

Let me ask you this, do you think your wife at one time blamed herself for your adultery? That she couldn't give you what a normal person could? Note I ask not what you thought or said. I asked if she might have?

Your child, what is your relationship with the child? You work nights, that gibes you the entire afternoon and early evening.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #63 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 10:27 PM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

Why would she value her marriage more. OP cheated on her, OM has always been there for her. It's no wonder that she trust the OM more.
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post #64 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

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Your comment "who she is whoring herself out to" seems to define you.

Let me ask you this, do you think your wife at one time blamed herself for your adultery? That she couldn't give you what a normal person could? Note I ask not what you thought or said. I asked if she might have?

Your child, what is your relationship with the child? You work nights, that gibes you the entire afternoon and early evening.
I apologize for that comment, I removed it from my post. My wife is having sex with another man of course I am upset and have said some things that I should not have. I'm not one to believe in karma but I probably deserve what has been thrown my way.

I know that my wife blamed herself. She has blamed herself since the moment it happened. Even before, really. She wasn't the cause but yes she did blame herself. Trust me I know that I hurt her, if I could take it back I would. Unfortunately that isn't an option. That being said, two wrongs do not make a right. Just because I cheated on her does not give her a free pass to also cheat. I know she is sleeping with someone. It may not be her ex, I'm starting to doubt that it is, but it's someone.

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Why would she value her marriage more. OP cheated on her, OM has always been there for her. It's no wonder that she trust the OM more.
She agree to stay married. In that moment our marriage should have been more important. She may trust a friend more than me but she should also be willing to work on that. She hasn't shown any sign that she wants to try to transfer that trust to me.
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post #65 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

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I apologize for that comment, I removed it from my post. My wife is having sex with another man of course I am upset and have said some things that I should not have. I'm not one to believe in karma but I probably deserve what has been thrown my way.

I know that my wife blamed herself. She has blamed herself since the moment it happened. Even before, really. She wasn't the cause but yes she did blame herself. Trust me I know that I hurt her, if I could take it back I would. Unfortunately that isn't an option. That being said, two wrongs do not make a right. Just because I cheated on her does not give her a free pass to also cheat. I know she is sleeping with someone. It may not be her ex, I'm starting to doubt that it is, but it's someone.



She agree to stay married. In that moment our marriage should have been more important. She may trust a friend more than me but she should also be willing to work on that. She hasn't shown any sign that she wants to try to transfer that trust to me.
Not if you show no signs of trusting her.

Not if you keep treating her like **** because of YOUR insecurities.

Not if you can't get your life together because of the things you have done.
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post #66 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 07:27 PM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

If nothing is going on, she should give you access to all of devices, social media, and email. Then you can use Dr Phone to get undeleted text.

There's a strong possibility that she's "hooked up" with this "friend" when he comes to town. You know a guy will drive a few hours for some sure thing sex with a woman that's working her body to such hot levels.

But I think that it's more likely that she's having an affair with a guy from the gym. Possibly someone that she trains with. I'd bet it would've started as a FWB but she's developed feelings for him, which is why your sexually cut off. Not to mention that she'd be repulsed by your 50 lbs over weight touch vs hot guy from the gym.

I have to reiterate that you need to up your game. I'm talking the complete you. (clothes, hair, hygiene, body, ETC) You said that you find it hard to get motivated to start getting in shape. If you can't do it to fight for your marriage then I don't know what to freaking tell you.

Last edited by jsmart; 03-30-2017 at 07:32 PM.
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post #67 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:38 AM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

Forget about changing your spouse and focus on changing yourself. At least in my relationship, I had my head in the sand. I didn’t realize that I was the problem. I just didn’t get it. I’m not here to tell you husbands are bad and wives are good. What I am saying is that in order to work on a relationship, you must first look at yourself. GoodLuck
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post #68 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:14 AM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

You have serial cheated on her. This guy has been her rock. Sometimes you have to think about the other person for a change. Can you honestly say you are better for her than he is? You could win her back but you would probably S*** on her again.
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post #69 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 12:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

My wife has ****ed 3 men while we have been together. 3 men that she admitted to, at least. It's something that I can't even process. Saying what's on my mind would be an incoherent mess. I know people are going to think that I deserve it, after all I cheated on her first. Two people that she ****ed were started off as total strangers to her. When we met, we were fully together for 2 years before we had sex. Yet she can drop her panties for a stranger? Two strangers, actually. And yes, the third person that she banged was her ex. Or not so much of an ex. How a woman can go from being so traumatized from rape that she couldn't even go out in public, couldn't let me touch her for years, to screwing whoever will take her, I do not know. Who even knows if the men she put in prison should have been in there.

She said every time it was just "sex and companionship" and "nothing else happened". There was no remorse in her words or on her face.

At this point, we're done and she isn't welcome in this house. I told her to pack her crap and leave, I don't really care where she goes.
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post #70 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 12:48 AM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

You did cheat and cheating is a horrible thing to do to somebody. But she's cheating on you and has cheated on you even if you did it first, she has absolutely NO leverage. Leave this woman. Cheating is one thing but rubbing the affair in your partners face is classless and cruel. I don't get why people here are taking her side, she is just as bad.

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post #71 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 01:47 AM
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Re: My wife is chatting with her ex/NISA

I am surprised she admitted to these. Did you disclose your evidence?

Last edited by Decorum; 04-06-2017 at 02:11 AM.
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