We haven't ****ing spoken in YEARS. When she got divorced her EX HUSBANDS FRIENDS including myself and my wife where OUT OF HER LIFE. She might as well be a stranger to me. You're supposed to feel bad for everyone you have a ONS with? For everyone you didn't want to date? I better buy a large notebook and start writing some letters then.
Dude. Stop. Think.
This was not a complete stranger to you. So "she might as well have been a complete stranger to me" is a complete fabrication you are erecting to defend yourself. You are defending yourself because you know that you did something wrong and you are having problems accepting the criticism.
This is a girl who you knew was horribly abused by people close to her. And you took advantage. You lied to her about your marital status. You knew that she wasn't into ONS, and you didn't bother to be up front about that. Then you pulled the rug out from under her once you got your rocks off. We're not talking about you being at a bar, and picking up some random floozie who you have not met, and know nothing about, and is obviously out looking for the same thing you are.
Let me give you an analogy. I went to school with a girl who was sexually abused. She was raped by her best friends father. This permanently affected her behavior and her brain. It was obvious just watching how she started behaving when she came back to school afterwards. We're FB friends--so absolutely no contact since HS--and last I saw (a few years ago) she was married. If I ran into her, and she were divorced, what I wouldn't do is try to get into her pants, because I know that she is still a wounded kid. The brain damage from CSA is serious. It's well known. It would be like taking advantage of a child.
You can't undo what you've done. And you know the damage was done, go back and read your first post. Here, I'll quote it:
That hurt the other woman immensely. I cannot get the image of her facial expression when I walked out and told her I was married, out of my mind. Then I proceeded to say that I felt bad for her and things went to far, making her think it was a pity ****. I mean, it was, in a way. That’s what led to it. She is a gorgeous woman though.
Stop running from your monstrous behavior, stop blame shifting, take some responsibility, and go get some serious help.