As the title suggests, this situation is a crap show.
I have been married to my wife for 10 years, we’re mid-30’s. I don’t usually use the term ‘best friend’ but in this posting I will, because if I had to pick one it would be him. I have a friend who I have been very close friends with for 30 years. We were each other’s best man at our weddings, for him, both of his weddings.
My friend was married for 2 years to a woman he has a child with and was with for a total of 8 years. They have been divorced for 6 years and he is re-married. He left his ex-wife for another woman, and despite being a jerk off he does still care about his ex-wife. Especially since they share a child.
His ex-wife and I work in related fields. Three weeks ago there was a 7 day conference/training program that we both attended. I had no idea that she would be there but recognized her immediately. It was awkward in the beginning and we avoided each other. We haven’t talked since their divorce.
She has been single since their divorce. She has a bad past, which involved rape, molestation and abuse from multiple family members most of her childhood. She has a lot of trouble trusting men that she doesn’t know. It takes a long time to earn her trust and new men are not going to stick around for that.
She was always sitting alone and I felt bad for her. My friend ripped her heart out, stomped on it and ripped it to shreds. He left her for another woman, a ‘normal’ woman, and instantly made a family with her. I sat with her and just tried to get her to talk to me. I stupidly told her that I was divorced. I don’t know why I said that, it just quickly flew from my mouth to try and make her feel better. After that I kept sitting with her because I felt like I had to at that point. We went out to lunch a few times, because the food there wasn’t great. She was flirting a bit and I let it happen because in my head I was thinking that it was harmless, maybe made her feel better and once we're home we never see each other. I flirted back, along the same thinking that it would be harmless and make her feel better. On the last day we went out to dinner and afterwards I walked her back to her room. Before I left I kissed her and one thing led to another and we had sex. Right before we had sex she told me that she hadn’t been intimate with anyone since her ex-husband. Immediately after the sex I realized what I had done to my wife and I left. That hurt the other woman immensely. I cannot get the image of her facial expression when I walked out and told her I was married, out of my mind. Then I proceeded to say that I felt bad for her and things went to far, making her think it was a pity ****. I mean, it was, in a way. That’s what led to it. She is a gorgeous woman though.
This occurred 3 weeks ago. My wife doesn’t know, nor does my friend. My wife is my world. I have never cheated on her before this. We have a good marriage, there are ups and downs of course but I’m happy with her. I don’t want to lose my family, my wife and my kids mean everything to me. I don’t want to hurt my wife but I betrayed her in the worst possible way. She doesn’t suspect anything, if she does she hasn’t said anything. I have no idea how to talk to my wife about it, I have never been in this situation before. I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt my wife. I am never going to cheat on her again. Should I still tell her? It is probably the biggest mistake of my life. Should I keep it buried and hope my wife never finds out? That seems worse, but it would spare her the pain. I would rather live in pain than fill her with pain to get it off my chest.
Then there is my close friend. He has no idea either. He and his ex-wife don’t talk unless it’s directly about their child, and even then it’s very limited. I don’t think she would tell anyone, but who knows really. She was totally humiliated by what I did, I would think that she doesn’t want to tell anyone. If this does come out, I don’t want to lose a good friend. He has always been against friends getting involved with ex’s. That relationship may be impossible to repair, just like the other relationships I destroyed.
Now I’m a giant **** that betrayed his wife, betrayed his friend and hurt a really good woman. If I could take it back I would. I don’t know how I allowed that situation to happen, and there os no one to blame but myself.
Should I tell my wife? I feel like I should, but what the hell do I know I’m clearly an idiot. If so, how do I tell her and have the best possible chance at salvaging our marriage. I’d do anything to keep our marriage going. And on the same note, how do I tell my friend that I slept with his ex-wife? And how badly I hurt her in the process…
I haven’t talked to the other woman since I left her hotel room. Part of me wants to try and make amends with her but that led me to trouble last time and for my wife, I want to cease all contact permanently.
I have never felt so poorly about myself, and didn’t know I ever could or would.
I have been married to my wife for 10 years, we’re mid-30’s. I don’t usually use the term ‘best friend’ but in this posting I will, because if I had to pick one it would be him. I have a friend who I have been very close friends with for 30 years. We were each other’s best man at our weddings, for him, both of his weddings.
My friend was married for 2 years to a woman he has a child with and was with for a total of 8 years. They have been divorced for 6 years and he is re-married. He left his ex-wife for another woman, and despite being a jerk off he does still care about his ex-wife. Especially since they share a child.
His ex-wife and I work in related fields. Three weeks ago there was a 7 day conference/training program that we both attended. I had no idea that she would be there but recognized her immediately. It was awkward in the beginning and we avoided each other. We haven’t talked since their divorce.
She has been single since their divorce. She has a bad past, which involved rape, molestation and abuse from multiple family members most of her childhood. She has a lot of trouble trusting men that she doesn’t know. It takes a long time to earn her trust and new men are not going to stick around for that.
She was always sitting alone and I felt bad for her. My friend ripped her heart out, stomped on it and ripped it to shreds. He left her for another woman, a ‘normal’ woman, and instantly made a family with her. I sat with her and just tried to get her to talk to me. I stupidly told her that I was divorced. I don’t know why I said that, it just quickly flew from my mouth to try and make her feel better. After that I kept sitting with her because I felt like I had to at that point. We went out to lunch a few times, because the food there wasn’t great. She was flirting a bit and I let it happen because in my head I was thinking that it was harmless, maybe made her feel better and once we're home we never see each other. I flirted back, along the same thinking that it would be harmless and make her feel better. On the last day we went out to dinner and afterwards I walked her back to her room. Before I left I kissed her and one thing led to another and we had sex. Right before we had sex she told me that she hadn’t been intimate with anyone since her ex-husband. Immediately after the sex I realized what I had done to my wife and I left. That hurt the other woman immensely. I cannot get the image of her facial expression when I walked out and told her I was married, out of my mind. Then I proceeded to say that I felt bad for her and things went to far, making her think it was a pity ****. I mean, it was, in a way. That’s what led to it. She is a gorgeous woman though.
This occurred 3 weeks ago. My wife doesn’t know, nor does my friend. My wife is my world. I have never cheated on her before this. We have a good marriage, there are ups and downs of course but I’m happy with her. I don’t want to lose my family, my wife and my kids mean everything to me. I don’t want to hurt my wife but I betrayed her in the worst possible way. She doesn’t suspect anything, if she does she hasn’t said anything. I have no idea how to talk to my wife about it, I have never been in this situation before. I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt my wife. I am never going to cheat on her again. Should I still tell her? It is probably the biggest mistake of my life. Should I keep it buried and hope my wife never finds out? That seems worse, but it would spare her the pain. I would rather live in pain than fill her with pain to get it off my chest.
Then there is my close friend. He has no idea either. He and his ex-wife don’t talk unless it’s directly about their child, and even then it’s very limited. I don’t think she would tell anyone, but who knows really. She was totally humiliated by what I did, I would think that she doesn’t want to tell anyone. If this does come out, I don’t want to lose a good friend. He has always been against friends getting involved with ex’s. That relationship may be impossible to repair, just like the other relationships I destroyed.
Now I’m a giant **** that betrayed his wife, betrayed his friend and hurt a really good woman. If I could take it back I would. I don’t know how I allowed that situation to happen, and there os no one to blame but myself.
Should I tell my wife? I feel like I should, but what the hell do I know I’m clearly an idiot. If so, how do I tell her and have the best possible chance at salvaging our marriage. I’d do anything to keep our marriage going. And on the same note, how do I tell my friend that I slept with his ex-wife? And how badly I hurt her in the process…
I haven’t talked to the other woman since I left her hotel room. Part of me wants to try and make amends with her but that led me to trouble last time and for my wife, I want to cease all contact permanently.
I have never felt so poorly about myself, and didn’t know I ever could or would.