Heartless Cheating Wife - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

She cannot pay for it, even with the max alimony

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post #47 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

Those numbers sound about right and there's not much an attorney can do one way or another, so have those numbers in mind when the possibility of settlement arises, either though negotiation or mediation.

As far as custody goes, it appears that you have accepted that you will be a noncustodial parent with visitation, which is typically every other weekend and an evening during the week, and a couple of weeks during the summer along with half of school vacations. Perhaps use that as a "lowest level" of what you will accept and see if you can get her to stipulate to more.
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post #48 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

She told me that she wanted equal time for custody. 50%. but she is a lying **** so we"ll see.
Also I dont think the custody will be ordered, it will be negotiated. and if she plays around with the courts over it they will interview my 14 yr old boy and he will choose basically who he wants to live with. and more than likely that will be me which means i get the house.
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post #49 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:17 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

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She told me that she wanted equal time for custody. 50%. but she is a lying **** so we"ll see.
Also I dont think the custody will be ordered, it will be negotiated. and if she plays around with the courts over it they will interview my 14 yr old boy and he will choose basically who he wants to live with. and more than likely that will be me which means i get the house.
If you are certain that your 14 year old will choose you to live with then you are in a very good position to negotiate. Even if you can't be sure, then neither can she, and that's probably enough for her to think twice about letting the courts decide.
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post #50 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:29 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

threadjack

Stixx,

I don't know your background. However, it sounds like it didn't end well for you. Nevertheless, just because your experience with divorce attorneys wasn't positive, doesn't mean it won't be positive for another person.

You are correct in that in some states the division is pretty much set in stone. I'm not barred in NY, so I'm not sure about the statutes there. Nevertheless, there is still much room for the divorce attorney to argue the statutorily defined splits. Sometimes these motions are a crapshoot, and at other times they are not, because of the judge. I've read a BS here (or maybe it is LS) who has a friend that is a female divorce judge in Florida that makes the wife go out get a job, if she didn't have one, and pay their own way, to make up the differential. In this instance, the judge looks at education and prior experience, to set a level of self-suffiency and then decides on spousal support. If I am not mistaking, this judge even told an ex-wife that got fired from her job, and was seeking an adjustment, too bad. Go find another job and tighten your belt. So, using an attorney, and the court system, can be positive. That is, one's experience may differ depending on where you live, whom is your attorney, and your judge.

This is all I am going to say on this.

End of thread jack.
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post #51 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:44 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

Glad to hear you got an educated bulldog, CM. Trust what he has to say, and remove this demon from your life. Read up on the 180, and greyrocking. Be the strong, sane, leader your children need you to be. I'm happy that you got your anger and are getting out of infidelity.
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post #52 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

it says marriage is the bed rock of society and also the economy. why is the law is so lapse on adultery which destroy marriages
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post #53 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 04:16 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

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The Law in NY is that Spousal support for marriages under 15 yrs is 15-30% of the duration of the marriage. for me that would be 1.5-3 years. I asked my Lawyer the worst case scenario and he tells me $70k a year for both. in 2 yrs that drops to $28k for CSP. If that is what it takes to get out from under her then that is what it takes. I don't believe she would want the kids all the time so the worst case would be liberal visitation. I asked 6 attorneys i know for a recommendation and they all gave me the same name so i hired him. My lawyer gives seminars to other divorce lawyers. I also interviewed 3 other top D lawyers in my are so she can't even talk to them. I trust him. and i will do what he says. no cost is great enough for me not to do this. I will start completely over if i have to. I am not afraid
You are light years ahead of most people in your situation as her super selfish behavior has allowed you to see her for what she truly is and not tempted to false reconcile for 2-3 years only to get where you are today. You have protected your finances and legal status, which again puts you way ahead of the game. You also know what she is going to do to get her way and that is to bait you into an argument and tempt you to do something stupid. DON'T let her do that to you, have a plan of how to disengage. I found that the more calm I became the more upset my ex became and I gained the upper hand. Remember that you are going to go through a plethora of emotion and will have good days and bad days. You will have days that you lament the relationship that you once had with her. Those days will return in time, just not with her. Keep going with the exercise routine, it will help with the stress and make a happier you. Set days for just you and the kids, this will ease them into the date when the family will disband. Don't get to sentimental on the house, it is a business decision, if it make sense then keep it, if not then sell it. Hang tough you are headed on the right course.
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post #54 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

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it says marriage is the bed rock of society and also the economy. why is the law is so lapse on adultery which destroy marriages
Marriage is no societal bedrock regardless of what or who "it" is that says so.

The law does not consider adultery in most jurisdictions because it's simply not practical, there aren't enough resources in the court system as it is, let alone if every single divorce case that was the result of cheating that was analyzed to such an extent that the infidelity could be accurately quantified in some meaningful way.
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post #55 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:05 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

OP so you was able and willing to talk you about the divorce. She's a real piece of ****. Hang in there buddy. If you feel like it, could you elaborate on how the discussion went over her or was she happy to because that means being with her new man. buddy I hope she gets hers.


Spartans lay down your weapons.! "Persian come and get them"

Last edited by MattMatt; 03-26-2017 at 06:54 PM.
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post #56 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:51 PM
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Cool Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

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Well I am new here, Just found this site last night and thank god i did. last night was the first time my WW spent the night at her boyfriends, unapologetically i might add.
Here it goes.

We have been married for 8 years, together for 20. I'm 47 she is 42. We were both married before and each have a grown child form our previous marriages. We also have 2 children together, 3 & 13.
Our life seemed good, nice house, nice cars, good kids, no $ problems, families got along well. We, like every married couple fought, but nothing serious. Sometimes not enough sex, sometimes plenty.
I own my own business and she is a stay at home mom. She has always been very concerned about her looks and 1.5 yrs ago convinced me to spring for a mommy makeover (boobs, stomach, etc.)
we flew to Miami to get it done by a well known PS, stayed in a nice hotel for 10 days recovery and everything was great.

Fast forward to Christmas 2017
One of my clients invited me and my WW to their Christmas party as they do every year. This time my wife saw a man she knew and went over to talk to him for an hour or so. It was at that time she took his number/card. He works from home so it had his home address on it. One night about a week later she said she had to go to the store, turns out she went to his house, next night the same thing.
Both times came home and had sex of some sort or other. even the week previous lots and lots of sex. too much sex to be normal and when she spoke to me had an undertone of anger. secretive cell phone and ipad, etc. I had a sick feeling that something was up so it's Friday morning and I'm in the office and i look up her cell records, shows text to a number for and hour or so after she gets home and before we have sex and also first thing in the morning. I punch the number into the browser and it comes up with a name and address near my office. I am sick to my stomach but as i sit there i am saying to myself no way, no way would she ever do something like that. I say to myself, what the hell it's nearby, i'll drive over and take a look. so I do, get there and her car is in the driveway, I call her cell, no answer. call again and she answers angry, i say "what r u doing" she says she is at home cleaning up the house, I say thats funny cause i am at this location and your car is here. She hangs up, i get out of my vehicle and walk into the house. She is sitting in a chair and her AP is standing there saying this is not what it looks like we are just talking. I freak, yell some and after a few min leave disgusted, heartbroken, intent on being done and divorced.
I spend the next 3 days in a state of uncontrollable sadness. So out of it, crying non stop that i cant stay there around the kids. So 2:30 in the morning I take off and drive around for a couple days, talking to my brothers in law who are very supportive and can't understand it.
I finally come to the conclusion that if she wants to work it out i will do my part to keep the family in tact. So the day after i get back we go to MC. She tells me that she was just talking and he was a good listener and she felt a connection to him and could see it going further but wanted to save our marriage. For 2 months we are in MC. the first few weeks she is saying she needs space and we have no sex. MC is going no where and she is more secretive than ever however sex is back. I know, i can feel it's still going on. Even though the sex is back she is very distant. I tell her i think she is seeing him, she denies and says i'm crazy. My therapist tells me that if i really want to know to hire a PI, then i would know if i was right or crazy, and if crazy we could work on it.
It took 3 days to catch her and AP together. I confront her in MC and she denies, i pull out the photos and she gets angry and then breaks down crying. not admitting anything though. MC asks what i want and i say divorce, she says the same.
It has been 2 weeks since that day in MC. I spend most of my days crying uncontrollably while she walks around the house like everything is roses. She will not speak about anything regarding the A or D.
3 days ago we talked about splitting up the assets, custody, mediation. She is very manipulative, i'm seeing that now, so i don't trust anything she says. I have hired a Lawyer and he prepared the divorce papers, I have been holding off thinking mediation is the way to go but last night with her spending the night at his house without showing a bit of compassion for how that makes me feel is astounding to me. She came home at 7:30 this morning and said good morning with a smile, I mouthed FU to her, and quietly told her it would be nice if she just moved out, she will not. She is cruel and self centered and thinks she is entitled to this A. I am getting more angry as i type. Tomorrow I am filing for divorce.

Sorry for the Ramble but i need to do it.

Any help in putting this BS behind me would be greatly appreciated.
She's about as adept at blowing mid-torso appendages as well as she is at blowing marital relationships!

What's to save? You are her Plan B! You have been ever since that breast lift and that tummy-tuck that you fastidiously financed! Crocodile tears are flowing only because she got caught with her pants down!

Right now, you need to enlist the assistance of a good piranha family attorney in giving you your property and child custodial rights.

Also, get yourself tested for the presence of STD's as she was obviously sleeping with both of you at the same time!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #57 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:10 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

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Stop the crying in front of her. It makes you look weak and silly while her other man stands tall and strong.

Hard 180 no contact immediately. Never answer a phone call directly and only reply by texts if related to business or divorce with short answers.

Full exposure if you haven't. This will get you some closure and things off your chest. Without warning. Let them deal with it.

Move her stuff out of YOUR bedroom. Take of your wedding ring. Move on to divorce full force.

You can't fix her but you'd better get yourself out of infidelity.

Go out with friends, family, join a gym but stay out of the house and keep yourself occupied.

She has zero repect for you. Find your own.
Yes do the 180, but do it only for YOU. You don't want this trash in your life
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post #58 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:23 PM Thread Starter
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Just had dinner with a friend. We haven't hung out in 5 or so years but have been friends for 25. During the course of dinner he reminded me of what a badass i used to be and how i would've handled this situation 25 yrs ago. It was eye opening. How did i as man become such a passive piece of ****? 25 yrs ago i would've beaten this AP into a comma and felt no regret. What have we done to ourselves? We forgot we are men! I will no longer take this ****. I am going to disassemble this piece of ****s life into a million pcs. I may have resources others may not but i am going to make it my mission that regrets this. Not that this is not totally my WW's fault but he is a willing participant and i will no longer stand by and be disrespected. I will not allow that ever again! Tomorrow is a new day and i am going to own all of it. God help them all
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post #59 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:25 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

try to sell your house quickly -- then you can get out living with her and get your own place....
Ignore her for everything she does that doesn't have to do with the kids -- DOCUMENT your interactions with the kids, the fact that she leaves for the night and YOU take care of them, etc.. Also expose her to her family, yours, kids, friends -- she needs to have SOME sort of consequences for her actions. DEF get the lawyer going ASAP and get rid of her. This level of disrespect and intentionally trying to cause you pain shouldn't be tolerated. Keep dispassionate in ALL of your discussions with her, keep a VAR on you at all times you speak with her, and try to make most/all communications go through email (and/or text) and SAVE all of them. VERY sorry you are going through this.....

EDIT: Sorry -- just got caught up -- this thread moved quickly! Sounds like you have things well in hand -- again, sorry you and your family are going through this.

Last edited by jlg07; 03-26-2017 at 07:47 PM.
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post #60 of 163 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:27 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

So sorry for your pain. No man or woman should ever go through the pain of betrayal. It is easy for us to tell you to be strong and move on. But I know from experience it is not easy to do. I was cheated on twice. I forgave the first time. What helped me after the crying and the asking why..was getting up and going to the gym and getting out and doing things I enjoyed. I also went back to school now almost done with my Master's degree. It will get easier but it just takes time. It is her loss.

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