Heartless Cheating Wife - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:41 AM Thread Starter
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Angry Heartless Cheating Wife

Well I am new here, Just found this site last night and thank god i did. last night was the first time my WW spent the night at her boyfriends, unapologetically i might add.
Here it goes.

We have been married for 8 years, together for 20. I'm 47 she is 42. We were both married before and each have a grown child form our previous marriages. We also have 2 children together, 3 & 13.
Our life seemed good, nice house, nice cars, good kids, no $ problems, families got along well. We, like every married couple fought, but nothing serious. Sometimes not enough sex, sometimes plenty.
I own my own business and she is a stay at home mom. She has always been very concerned about her looks and 1.5 yrs ago convinced me to spring for a mommy makeover (boobs, stomach, etc.)
we flew to Miami to get it done by a well known PS, stayed in a nice hotel for 10 days recovery and everything was great.

Fast forward to Christmas 2017
One of my clients invited me and my WW to their Christmas party as they do every year. This time my wife saw a man she knew and went over to talk to him for an hour or so. It was at that time she took his number/card. He works from home so it had his home address on it. One night about a week later she said she had to go to the store, turns out she went to his house, next night the same thing.
Both times came home and had sex of some sort or other. even the week previous lots and lots of sex. too much sex to be normal and when she spoke to me had an undertone of anger. secretive cell phone and ipad, etc. I had a sick feeling that something was up so it's Friday morning and I'm in the office and i look up her cell records, shows text to a number for and hour or so after she gets home and before we have sex and also first thing in the morning. I punch the number into the browser and it comes up with a name and address near my office. I am sick to my stomach but as i sit there i am saying to myself no way, no way would she ever do something like that. I say to myself, what the hell it's nearby, i'll drive over and take a look. so I do, get there and her car is in the driveway, I call her cell, no answer. call again and she answers angry, i say "what r u doing" she says she is at home cleaning up the house, I say thats funny cause i am at this location and your car is here. She hangs up, i get out of my vehicle and walk into the house. She is sitting in a chair and her AP is standing there saying this is not what it looks like we are just talking. I freak, yell some and after a few min leave disgusted, heartbroken, intent on being done and divorced.
I spend the next 3 days in a state of uncontrollable sadness. So out of it, crying non stop that i cant stay there around the kids. So 2:30 in the morning I take off and drive around for a couple days, talking to my brothers in law who are very supportive and can't understand it.
I finally come to the conclusion that if she wants to work it out i will do my part to keep the family in tact. So the day after i get back we go to MC. She tells me that she was just talking and he was a good listener and she felt a connection to him and could see it going further but wanted to save our marriage. For 2 months we are in MC. the first few weeks she is saying she needs space and we have no sex. MC is going no where and she is more secretive than ever however sex is back. I know, i can feel it's still going on. Even though the sex is back she is very distant. I tell her i think she is seeing him, she denies and says i'm crazy. My therapist tells me that if i really want to know to hire a PI, then i would know if i was right or crazy, and if crazy we could work on it.
It took 3 days to catch her and AP together. I confront her in MC and she denies, i pull out the photos and she gets angry and then breaks down crying. not admitting anything though. MC asks what i want and i say divorce, she says the same.
It has been 2 weeks since that day in MC. I spend most of my days crying uncontrollably while she walks around the house like everything is roses. She will not speak about anything regarding the A or D.
3 days ago we talked about splitting up the assets, custody, mediation. She is very manipulative, i'm seeing that now, so i don't trust anything she says. I have hired a Lawyer and he prepared the divorce papers, I have been holding off thinking mediation is the way to go but last night with her spending the night at his house without showing a bit of compassion for how that makes me feel is astounding to me. She came home at 7:30 this morning and said good morning with a smile, I mouthed FU to her, and quietly told her it would be nice if she just moved out, she will not. She is cruel and self centered and thinks she is entitled to this A. I am getting more angry as i type. Tomorrow I am filing for divorce.

Sorry for the Ramble but i need to do it.

Any help in putting this BS behind me would be greatly appreciated.

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post #2 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:50 AM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

It is going to be hard to get over this with her still there and flaunting her affair.

I do not see mediation working for you, as she is to shallow and to entitled better to go ahead a file so that you will know which of you will get to keep the home, unless you had it before marriage.

She does not want to fix this that is evident, it is going to be hard but you need to start doing the 180 and stick to your guns about everything. You also need to blow up the affair to everyone you know, if you haven't already.



You do matter!
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post #3 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:11 AM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

What state are you in Count? Don't plan on kicking her out, or anything like that. It won't work without a court order. What will work is making her life as miserable as possible, cut off the money to her with a small allowance, inviting loud and rowdy friends over at midnight, move your stuff to another room in preparation for a contractor to "remodel" the bedroom, etc. You may get lucky and have someone break in and steal her jewelry and a couple of your things, get your car from his house, et cetera.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #4 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

Damn dude, she was just talking!!!??

Sorry bro. Just realize it will take some time and that's there really are a whole lot of women out there. The only reason this one matters is because YOU give her all this value. Stop.
Accept that she sucks as a person.

Move on and be happy again. It's not nearly as hard as you think it is now.
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post #5 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

I live in NY.
It is just a f-ing slap in the face. I cannot fathom disregarding someones feelings as she is doing. It is mind blowing

She would love to live in the house and keep this charade going for 5 more years (she has said this). And i was more than willing to do mediation which would've given her at least some of that.

At this point I am going to file and let the chips fall where they may.

I can always make more money; I can never buy more time.
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post #6 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

And i went back through all the bank statements for the last 12 months and averaged groceries, gas & school. $550 a week, that is all she is getting now, was $1k. we'll see if that hurts at all
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post #7 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 11:29 AM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

Stop the crying in front of her. It makes you look weak and silly while her other man stands tall and strong.

Hard 180 no contact immediately. Never answer a phone call directly and only reply by texts if related to business or divorce with short answers.

Full exposure if you haven't. This will get you some closure and things off your chest. Without warning. Let them deal with it.

Move her stuff out of YOUR bedroom. Take of your wedding ring. Move on to divorce full force.

You can't fix her but you'd better get yourself out of infidelity.

Go out with friends, family, join a gym but stay out of the house and keep yourself occupied.

She has zero repect for you. Find your own.
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post #8 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 11:32 AM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

You can talk till you're blue in the face but it won't get you much. Same with threats. Water off a Ducks back. Let your actions speak.

She's planning on you doing nothing so she can continue to cake eat off you.

Better wake up!!!!!

Is the other man married? Do not make the mistake of helping hide their affair. It will get you less than nothing.
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post #9 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 11:37 AM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Mack View Post
I live in NY.
It is just a f-ing slap in the face. I cannot fathom disregarding someones feelings as she is doing. It is mind blowing

She would love to live in the house and keep this charade going for 5 more years (she has said this). And i was more than willing to do mediation which would've given her at least some of that.

At this point I am going to file and let the chips fall where they may.

I can always make more money; I can never buy more time.
you are 100% correct. Many will linger in limbo hell for years crying the "woe is me". Doing the pick me dance and trying to nice them back. That is the worst thing you can do and never works.

The ones who come out of these situations get strong quick and go their own way.

I hope you've woken up to this.
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post #10 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 12:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

the crying **** in the house is over, however i need to control my anger because she appears to like it. The wedding ring has been gone for 2.5 months, i threw it in the Dbags front yard when i caught her there in January.
If i can control the anger in front of her and be indifferent i think i can escape.

I do not want to reconcile ever with her, just need to get to a place where I can co parent with her.

I believe if i do whats right for me than it will be right for my kids also

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post #11 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 12:08 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

Sorry @Count Mack that you are going through this. I is truly amazing how cheaters can become so heartless and cruel. But it does seem to be a common thread. They rarely feel guilt about what they are doing. This isn't an easy process to go through, but in time it does get easier and better. I found the best way to grieve was to realize that the person I had loved was dead. That person just doesn't exist anymore. And the person who is your wife now, may look, smell and sound like the woman you loved, but she isn't. She is something completely different.
The best advice I can give is get a lawyer and then follow their advice. Emotions make us do stupid things that can have long term consequences. So even if you want to do something or not do something because your STBXW is b****, do or don't do what ever the lawyer says. In the long run you won't regret it.

I really think what you are going through is one of the hardest things to go through emotionally. It is devastating. And you need to allow yourself time to grieve. Don't turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the feelings. Feel them and mourn. Go to counseling and talk to your friends. Tell everyone what is going on. Don't do this alone, it's too hard. A lot of people will recommend going to the gym, and I have to say it's pretty good advice. If you aren't particularly active this is a really good time to start. The emotional energy can really give you a boost, and getting in shape is great for the bruised ego.
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post #12 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 12:09 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Mack View Post
the crying **** in the house is over, however i need to control my anger because she appears to like it. The wedding ring has been gone for 2.5 months, i threw it in the Dbags front yard when i caught her there in January.
If i can control the anger in front of her and be indifferent i think i can escape.

I do not want to reconcile ever with her, just need to get to a place where I can co parent with her.

I believe if i do whats right for me than it will be right for my kids also
It appears that she's getting pleasure from your discomfort. Probably enjoying the power or control she has or has had over you. Silence is golden in these situations. It's the most harmful thing you can do to someone like that.

Gym and working out, any form of exercise will help you to control your anger etc.
Plus you can get into great shape.
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post #13 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 12:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

I have been working out, hired a trainer in January, 3 times a week, i like it. The best is probably the boxing class i take twice a week. for those out there who haven't tried it you should.
nothing better than punching someone and not getting clipped for it
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post #14 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 12:30 PM
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

record more , video all the cheating events for D. Go back to POSOMs house while the 'ithch is there in the pretense of confronting/talking again while wearing secret camera /recording device on you. Bother the posom also. Call police to complain about something - he is bothering you and coming to your house without your knowing or something. I have heard that you can file for alienation of affection in some states (against the posom - you can just ask your lawyer. Now that you are done with WW. How about telling the neighbors how nice little lady she is and what a gentleman the posom is. Hope you have already informed your folks on bothside

Last edited by curious234; 03-26-2017 at 12:47 PM.
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post #15 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 12:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Heartless Cheating Wife

NYS is a no fault D state now so it doesn't matter that she is a cheater. Also she could try and defend it in court which would cost me more money. I am going to file under "Irretrievable Breakdown" I just have to swear that it has been broken for 6 months. Can't be defended, can't be denied.
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