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post #16 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:20 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

By the way, I am assuming that you want to divorce and have no desire to try to save your marriage. Is this true?

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post #17 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:39 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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Go to your local family court and file a restraining order and say that you feel threatened by him because of his actions (getting in your face, physical threats, preventing you from leaving the room or the house), and have him removed from the home.

Don't worry about him, he's got somewhere else to stay.
As much as she would like him out of the house and he should leave it telling a person to file a false restraining order and making up imaginary threats is hardly sound or good advice. No where in her post did she write he threatened her

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post #18 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 01:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Up until 18 months ago I was the main wage earner, however I took early release from a very well paid job to save my family and started a part time minimum wage job so I could be closer to home and near my kids, obviously now I know this was a futile effort, leaving me with an income of under a third of the joint income. We do not have a joint account.
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post #19 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 01:36 AM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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Up until 18 months ago I was the main wage earner, however I took early release from a very well paid job to save my family and started a part time minimum wage job so I could be closer to home and near my kids, obviously now I know this was a futile effort, leaving me with an income of under a third of the joint income. We do not have a joint account.
I’m not sure about where you live, but here (USA) the spouse who earns less can ask for interim spousal support and child support during the divorce. That way you have some protection. Clearly you are going to have to find another job now so that you can support yourself at your previous level.
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post #20 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:21 AM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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As much as she would like him out of the house and he should leave it telling a person to file a false restraining order and making up imaginary threats is hardly sound or good advice. No where in her post did she write he threatened her
@honcho

Many if not most divorce attorneys when counseling a woman for the first time in a potential divorce proceeding will advocate for forceable removal of the husband from the home via any means possible even if it means stretching the truth or even fabricating it. It gets him out of the house, off balance and gives her a huge edge in custody negotiations.

Is it nice or fair or even "legal"? If there are no real safety concerns, then the answer is probably "no". But that does not mean it's not good advice, especially in a case such as this where the husband is exhibiting horrendous behavior with no regard to the physical or mental being of his wife- in which case it becomes "every person for him or herself".

Yes, it happened to me, I was the recipient of just such a restraining order, which was without basis and ultimately dismissed. As my then attorney said at the time "Getting a restraining order is Divorce 101". In other words, it's standard operating procedure. My girlfriend who is also divorced told her that her divorce attorney strongly encouraged her to do the same thing- she declined even though it would have given her a huge advantage and saved her a ton of money and time.

Here's one source that talks about the common tactic of false restraining orders.

http://www.restrainingorderblog.com/...ing-order.html

Last edited by stixx; 03-27-2017 at 08:26 AM.
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post #21 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 10:15 AM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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The other issue I have is the other woman is a teaching assistant in my eldest child's school and this relationship which they are trying to move to the next level will cause my child confusion and unrest at school as well as at home! I have explained what is happening to my children however. They are too young to understand fully and it would appear their father is not explaining anything.
Talk to the schools principal about this, tell him/her of your concerns for your child. As long as she isn't actually working in your son's class they may not have much contact.
Of course he wont tell them, he is a coward.
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post #22 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 10:20 AM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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@honcho

Many if not most divorce attorneys when counseling a woman for the first time in a potential divorce proceeding will advocate for forceable removal of the husband from the home via any means possible even if it means stretching the truth or even fabricating it. It gets him out of the house, off balance and gives her a huge edge in custody negotiations.

Is it nice or fair or even "legal"? If there are no real safety concerns, then the answer is probably "no". But that does not mean it's not good advice, especially in a case such as this where the husband is exhibiting horrendous behavior with no regard to the physical or mental being of his wife- in which case it becomes "every person for him or herself".

Yes, it happened to me, I was the recipient of just such a restraining order, which was without basis and ultimately dismissed. As my then attorney said at the time "Getting a restraining order is Divorce 101". In other words, it's standard operating procedure. My girlfriend who is also divorced told her that her divorce attorney strongly encouraged her to do the same thing- she declined even though it would have given her a huge advantage and saved her a ton of money and time.

Here's one source that talks about the common tactic of false restraining orders.

Restraining Order Blog: How to Beat a False Restraining Order
Ok he is acting badly, but that doesn't mean that she has to as well, by lying. Like your girlfriend, I rejected some of the advise given by my solicitor.A restraining order is for when the family are in danger of violence, not for cases like this.
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post #23 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 11:14 AM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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As much as she would like him out of the house and he should leave it telling a person to file a false restraining order and making up imaginary threats is hardly sound or good advice. No where in her post did she write he threatened her
Honcho' I couldn't agree more. personally I think the only thing more morally bankrupt than cheating is making false allegations just to get your own way. far to many lives have been ruined unjustly because some spoiled brat didn't get their way and make false accusations as a way to get revenge. these people should be subject to face criminal charges not rewarded.

If you don't like what a WWS is doing than disengage until the D is settled, see what legal and proper recourse you have but making false accusation and using your kids as pawns is absolutely reprehensible.

Using the justification that the lawyers say its OK is beyond belief but not that surprising. As far as I'm concerned lawyers are a form of life that is just lightly above sewer rat.

Our lives are a novel and we, the authors. if you don't like the story line, only you have the power to change it.
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post #24 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 11:27 AM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

I also agree that making false reports to get a restraining order is just wrong. There are serious cases of abuse that need their reports to be taken seriously. By making a false report, all it does is to take away the validity of the valid reports.

But the OP did not say she was even thinking of doing this.

What her husband is doing is emotionally abusive. It's horrid. She can check with her lawyer to see if there is anything that she can do to get him removed from the home.
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post #25 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 04:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Thank you for all of your valued advice and support, one thing that hasn't happened is physical abuse and I would never say otherwise, I hate liars and being married to one for over 16 years is a lesson never to become one. Thank you again all. X

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post #26 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 04:21 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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I also agree that making false reports to get a restraining order is just wrong. T
There is emotional abuse going on when daddy is forcing things with the new gf on the children while daddy still lives with mommy. It damages the kids for life!

The restraining order is for daddy to wake up and smell the coffee. His kids should come first, not him pushing his wife away and replacing her with OW. No matter how small the kids are, they will grow up and realize the sleazy move dad pulled on mom. It's hurtful for the children and they are the ones that need to be taken care of. Talk to your lawyer and get the restraining order so that the woman doesn't come close to your kids. It is not to alienate dad, but any third party until the divorce is final and the kids adjust to the new way of life.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #27 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 04:49 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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There is emotional abuse going on when daddy is forcing things with the new gf on the children while daddy still lives with mommy. It damages the kids for life!

The restraining order is for daddy to wake up and smell the coffee. His kids should come first, not him pushing his wife away and replacing her with OW. No matter how small the kids are, they will grow up and realize the sleazy move dad pulled on mom. It's hurtful for the children and they are the ones that need to be taken care of. Talk to your lawyer and get the restraining order so that the woman doesn't come close to your kids. It is not to alienate dad, but any third party until the divorce is final and the kids adjust to the new way of life.
I agree. Making up threats to get a restraining order could put the OP in risk of a contempt of court charge which would seriously jeopardize her custody and alimony case.

However a restraining order could be justified to ensure that the H only has supervised visitation without the OW present. Going out on a date with OW before the kids have even been informed of the D is a terrible thing to do to them. Even if the OW isn't directly teaching the kids I am sure that behavior would be considered unprofessional by the school and even get her terminated.
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post #28 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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There is emotional abuse going on when daddy is forcing things with the new gf on the children while daddy still lives with mommy. It damages the kids for life!

The restraining order is for daddy to wake up and smell the coffee. His kids should come first, not him pushing his wife away and replacing her with OW. No matter how small the kids are, they will grow up and realize the sleazy move dad pulled on mom. It's hurtful for the children and they are the ones that need to be taken care of. Talk to your lawyer and get the restraining order so that the woman doesn't come close to your kids. It is not to alienate dad, but any third party until the divorce is final and the kids adjust to the new way of life.
I agree that there is emotional abuse going on while he's cheating.

But she has to do things within the law. She should not file a report in which she lies accusing him of physical violence. That is the bottom line.

Now if her jurisdiction says that cheating is enough to get a restraining order, so be it.
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post #29 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 07:51 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

There is no need for her to lie in cases like this one. That is why I told her to see and lawyer and stop her WS from bullying his way through is. I did see the poster that advised to lie. That is a bad move and an unnecessary one too. You are are absolutely right about the lies.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #30 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:22 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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There is no need for her to lie in cases like this one. That is why I told her to see and lawyer and stop her WS from bullying his way through is. I did see the poster that advised to lie. That is a bad move and an unnecessary one too. You are are absolutely right about the lies.
I don't know of any state that has a law that would put a man out of his house because he's cheating. That's the point. She might be able to get some kind of order that ways that he cannot take the children around her right now. But that's about it.
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