Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 66Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:29 PM
Member
 
Bibi1031's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: texas
Posts: 1,803
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
I don't know of any state that has a law that would put a man out of his house because he's cheating. That's the point. She might be able to get some kind of order that ways that he cannot take the children around her right now. But that's about it.
Right! The cheating is not a problem or him having to stay there is not a problem either according to the law of most states. The thing that causes the most damage for the kids is that he is imposing OW presence on them and this the law does protect against.


Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
Bibi1031 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 09:42 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,388
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic0 View Post
I need to know if there is anyone out there that's dealing with the same or similar situation as I find myself in and if so how do they cope? Five weeks ago I told my husband who I suspected had been cheating for over 18 months that I wanted a divorce. Since then he has confirmed my suspicions and has gone as far as booked a holiday with this woman (going away in 7 days time) and has spent Saturday evenings out all night to then return to the house we live in with our two children the following morning as if nothing is out of the ordinary!!! He has also had a date with this woman and my children without my consent! Has anyone got any advice?
Continue with the divorce but also expose his affair far and wide. If you don't, he will introduce this **** as his "new girlfriend" as soon as the divorce is final, and friends and everyone will accept her and she will be there, with him and your children. If you expose the affair it will help kill it faster. Your marriage is over but he should not get to keep his side piece or have her around your children.

I don't know what can be done legally, but I would talk to a lawyer to see if there is any way you can keep that woman away from your children until the divorce is final. Do whatever you can to rain on the parade of their affair. Make sure your family, all your and his friends, his family, the little tramp's family, any friends of the tramps that you can find... Make sure they all know those two are conducting an illicit affair and THAT AFFAIR is the reason for the divorce. Hopefully she will be seen as the family wrecker that she is and feel like a pariah around his friends/family and that will hasten her exit from the scene.
WorkingWife is offline  
post #33 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 06:55 AM
Member
 
stixx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 261
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Divorce is like a war, it's probably the biggest, worst, most expensive conflict a person will have in their entire lives.

It doesn't have to be that way if both parties are mature, responsible, cooperative and honest.

But when one of them has already started the fires burning and have crossed the lines such as the Ops husband has done, (in my opinion only of course) then it's time to pull out the stops and use any and all means to gain the upper hand or at least solid footing.

But I'm being repetitive and the Op isn't interested in my suggested course of action so I will wish her the best of luck, because she's certainly going to need it.
stixx is offline  
post #34 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:26 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,756
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Quote:
Originally Posted by stixx View Post
Divorce is like a war, it's probably the biggest, worst, most expensive conflict a person will have in their entire lives.

It doesn't have to be that way if both parties are mature, responsible, cooperative and honest.

But when one of them has already started the fires burning and have crossed the lines such as the Ops husband has done, (in my opinion only of course) then it's time to pull out the stops and use any and all means to gain the upper hand or at least solid footing.

But I'm being repetitive and the Op isn't interested in my suggested course of action so I will wish her the best of luck, because she's certainly going to need it.
Yes it is a horrible thing to go through, my husband and I have both been through it with our exes after long first marriages, but no matter what our spouses have done or do in the divorce, my feeling is that we ourselves can choose to act with dignity, honestly, maturity and fairness. That's what we did.
Diana7 is online now  
post #35 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 02:11 PM
Member
 
bankshot1993's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: alberta
Posts: 252
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

I know that I will get roasted for this response but hey, such is life..

I can completely understand that this hurts but...

Is he doing anything wrong?

To be clear, it was absolutely wrong to have an affair but if the decision to divorce has already been made than the fact that he is still seeing somebody should be irrelevant as his marriage with you is over.

Yes, he is morally bankrupt for having the affair but if your relationship is done and your just waiting for the paperwork than you should both be moving on with your lives, including you. You need to detach any and all emotional connection with him. It sucks that he has moved on so quickly (moved on while he was still in an active marriage) but he has. Wallowing in misery because he is happy isn't going to get you anywhere in your healing.

I would suggest a respectful conversation that should go something along these lines;

STBXH, I don't agree with what you are doing but as our relationship is over it is not my business. What is my business and in both of our best interest is making sure we maintain a healthy co habitation while we deal with this for the benefit of our children. We need to be cognizant of what they see and pick up on in order to minimize any emotional damage to them. For that reason I am asking for their benefit and the benefit of a peaceful cohabitation while we wait for the D, please keep your relationship to being as discrete around your family as possible. Rubbing our nose in your new relationship will hurt your children and create unneeded conflict in our home. I hope you can see the need for this and we can continue to move forward in the best interest of our kids.

If he keeps to these conditions than you should at least be able to minimize the pain.

Our lives are a novel and we, the authors. if you don't like the story line, only you have the power to change it.
bankshot1993 is offline  
post #36 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 02:25 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 6,059
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

EXPOSE the affair FAR AND WIDE.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
post #37 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 04:31 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,756
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Quote:
Originally Posted by bankshot1993 View Post
I know that I will get roasted for this response but hey, such is life..

I can completely understand that this hurts but...

Is he doing anything wrong?

To be clear, it was absolutely wrong to have an affair but if the decision to divorce has already been made than the fact that he is still seeing somebody should be irrelevant as his marriage with you is over.

Yes, he is morally bankrupt for having the affair but if your relationship is done and your just waiting for the paperwork than you should both be moving on with your lives, including you. You need to detach any and all emotional connection with him. It sucks that he has moved on so quickly (moved on while he was still in an active marriage) but he has. Wallowing in misery because he is happy isn't going to get you anywhere in your healing.

I would suggest a respectful conversation that should go something along these lines;

STBXH, I don't agree with what you are doing but as our relationship is over it is not my business. What is my business and in both of our best interest is making sure we maintain a healthy co habitation while we deal with this for the benefit of our children. We need to be cognizant of what they see and pick up on in order to minimize any emotional damage to them. For that reason I am asking for their benefit and the benefit of a peaceful cohabitation while we wait for the D, please keep your relationship to being as discrete around your family as possible. Rubbing our nose in your new relationship will hurt your children and create unneeded conflict in our home. I hope you can see the need for this and we can continue to move forward in the best interest of our kids.

If he keeps to these conditions than you should at least be able to minimize the pain.
What is wrong is that he is causing such pain by remaining in the home while carrying on the affair.That is just cruel. In her place I would have the locks changed and his things packed outside the door.
Diana7 is online now  
post #38 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 06:23 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,388
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Yes it is a horrible thing to go through, my husband and I have both been through it with our exes after long first marriages, but no matter what our spouses have done or do in the divorce, my feeling is that we ourselves can choose to act with dignity, honestly, maturity and fairness. That's what we did.
I wish I had acted with fairness when I got divorced. Fairness to myself!
WorkingWife is offline  
post #39 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 06:35 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,388
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

YES. What he is doing is VERY wrong.

They took marriage vows. Until the paperwork is done, they are still married. It is not okay to openly conduct and affair in front of his wife even if they are divorcing. There is a reason you can't undo a marriage in a day. He should have found someone to shack up with instead of getting married if he wanted to be able to parade a new honey in her face as soon as he took up with one. He already betrayed her and broke his vows. Now he is pouring salt in the would. And probably hurting/confusing the children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bankshot1993 View Post
I know that I will get roasted for this response but hey, such is life..

I can completely understand that this hurts but...

Is he doing anything wrong?

To be clear, it was absolutely wrong to have an affair but if the decision to divorce has already been made than the fact that he is still seeing somebody should be irrelevant as his marriage with you is over.

Yes, he is morally bankrupt for having the affair but if your relationship is done and your just waiting for the paperwork than you should both be moving on with your lives, including you. You need to detach any and all emotional connection with him. It sucks that he has moved on so quickly (moved on while he was still in an active marriage) but he has. Wallowing in misery because he is happy isn't going to get you anywhere in your healing.

I would suggest a respectful conversation that should go something along these lines;

STBXH, I don't agree with what you are doing but as our relationship is over it is not my business. What is my business and in both of our best interest is making sure we maintain a healthy co habitation while we deal with this for the benefit of our children. We need to be cognizant of what they see and pick up on in order to minimize any emotional damage to them. For that reason I am asking for their benefit and the benefit of a peaceful cohabitation while we wait for the D, please keep your relationship to being as discrete around your family as possible. Rubbing our nose in your new relationship will hurt your children and create unneeded conflict in our home. I hope you can see the need for this and we can continue to move forward in the best interest of our kids.

If he keeps to these conditions than you should at least be able to minimize the pain.
WorkingWife is offline  
post #40 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 06:47 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,924
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

There is a big thread jack gong on here about lying to get restraining order, dropping nuclear bombs, etc. Stop the argument between members. Any continuation of the thread jack will be met with time-out bans.

Stop the thread jack. Respond directly to the OP when she posts.

{Speaking as a moderator.}


EleGirl is offline  
post #41 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 03:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,756
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingWife View Post
YES. What he is doing is VERY wrong.

They took marriage vows. Until the paperwork is done, they are still married. It is not okay to openly conduct and affair in front of his wife even if they are divorcing. There is a reason you can't undo a marriage in a day. He should have found someone to shack up with instead of getting married if he wanted to be able to parade a new honey in her face as soon as he took up with one. He already betrayed her and broke his vows. Now he is pouring salt in the would. And probably hurting/confusing the children.
Agreed, he needs to leave.
Diana7 is online now  
post #42 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 03:40 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,924
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

@Nic0

My take on it is that your husband must be very angry with you. He's have to be to do carry on an affair out in the open with you like this. It's like he's rubbing your face in it.

Is he normally an angry person? Does he have a chip on his shoulder? Does he feel like you owe him or you grossly wronged him? Or does he just feel that the world owes him and you are the target of his anger?
EleGirl is offline  
post #43 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:20 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,183
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
EXPOSE the affair FAR AND WIDE.
As the OP used the term Solicitor they may be in the UK so we don't want her to be in the position of Sid Snot and be found guilty if harassment.

However she should inform the chairman or chairwoman of the school governors and the head teachers ASAP.

And get tested for STDs.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is offline  
post #44 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 03:00 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,924
Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

I just deleted the second thread jack on here. The participants got a short time out ban.

That's what happens when people start arguing between each other about things that have nothing to do with the OP. And it's what happens when a moderator's warning is ignored.

{Speaking as a moderator.}
EleGirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Best friend & a married man mariemount12 General Relationship Discussion 91 11-15-2016 07:06 AM
First Post - Need help, *long Post* MrW General Relationship Discussion 92 10-12-2016 02:19 PM
Married, both polyamorous, but I still love my ex girlfriend SketchScratcher Considering Divorce or Separation 7 09-04-2016 02:35 PM
Apathetic Husband should have never gotten married Ruey General Relationship Discussion 148 01-04-2016 07:31 PM
Wife moving parents in behind my back. Henderson General Relationship Discussion 20 12-04-2015 12:05 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome