Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 04:40 PM Thread Starter
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Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

I need to know if there is anyone out there that's dealing with the same or similar situation as I find myself in and if so how do they cope? Five weeks ago I told my husband who I suspected had been cheating for over 18 months that I wanted a divorce. Since then he has confirmed my suspicions and has gone as far as booked a holiday with this woman (going away in 7 days time) and has spent Saturday evenings out all night to then return to the house we live in with our two children the following morning as if nothing is out of the ordinary!!! He has also had a date with this woman and my children without my consent! Has anyone got any advice?

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post #2 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 04:55 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Have you filed for divorce?

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #3 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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I need to know if there is anyone out there that's dealing with the same or similar situation as I find myself in and if so how do they cope? Five weeks ago I told my husband who I suspected had been cheating for over 18 months that I wanted a divorce. Since then he has confirmed my suspicions and has gone as far as booked a holiday with this woman (going away in 7 days time) and has spent Saturday evenings out all night to then return to the house we live in with our two children the following morning as if nothing is out of the ordinary!!! He has also had a date with this woman and my children without my consent! Has anyone got any advice?
Yes, tell him to leave now. There is no way that I would live with a man who was cheating on me. Also get legal advise about the child care etc. That was wrong to take the children to meet her. Do they know you are getting divorced? Do they know that lady is his girlfriend?
Is he going to move in with her? What are his plans?
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post #4 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:52 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Go to your local family court and file a restraining order and say that you feel threatened by him because of his actions (getting in your face, physical threats, preventing you from leaving the room or the house), and have him removed from the home.

Don't worry about him, he's got somewhere else to stay.
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post #5 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

I agree with the others. Get a lawyer and file ASAP. Have your attorney file a restraining order against him as well. It is the best way to stop his bullying ways! What an *******!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #6 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:47 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

You had a suspicion, you made plans to divorce, he showed you that you were correct and he was cheating.
I'm not sure what you were expecting to happen? Were you bluffing about the divorce to try and get him to come back to you?

Never use divorce as a bargaining chip. If you were bluffing, he called your bluff. Carry on with the divorce.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #7 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Yes I have instructed my solicitor to start proceedings but my husband is refusing to leave
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post #8 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

The other issue I have is the other woman is a teaching assistant in my eldest child's school and this relationship which they are trying to move to the next level will cause my child confusion and unrest at school as well as at home! I have explained what is happening to my children however. They are too young to understand fully and it would appear their father is not explaining anything.
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post #9 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:32 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Whose house or apartment is the name under? The right thing to do, IMO, is leave. Still, if it is equally shared property, he doesn't have to go anywhere if he shares ownership.
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post #10 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

The house is mortgaged in both our names

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post #11 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:59 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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The other issue I have is the other woman is a teaching assistant in my eldest child's school and this relationship which they are trying to move to the next level will cause my child confusion and unrest at school as well as at home! I have explained what is happening to my children however. They are too young to understand fully and it would appear their father is not explaining anything.
People like this have no business around any kids. Exposure is your best bet.at her work
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post #12 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:14 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

Are the two of you sleeping in the same bed? Or has he moved out to another room in the house?
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post #13 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

He hasn't slept in the same bed as me since my six year son was born, he blamed it on his sleeping issues, these seem to have miraculously resolved themselves!
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post #14 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:31 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

You becoming aware of his affair, and the pending divorce, has made him feel free to engage in his new relationship openly. It's hurtful to you of course, but he stopped caring about your feelings a long time ago.

And it's not illegal, so there's no legal recourse for you to have him kicked out of his own residence.

However, you can start being more forceful with the divorce process. The sooner you can divide assets, the sooner he can move out. You may also be able to get in some clauses about introducing a new partner to the children.
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post #15 of 44 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:19 PM
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Re: Moving on with his girlfriend whilst still living in the married home

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He hasn't slept in the same bed as me since my six year son was born, he blamed it on his sleeping issues, these seem to have miraculously resolved themselves!
Will his affair have any influence on the divorce? What I mean is that in a few places, you could get a much better outcome financially due to his affair in some places.

So he sleeps in a different bedroom than you? If he does, take anything of his and just throw it in his room.

Lock the door to your bedroom so he never goes in there. That is your private space now.

You will have to share a home with him until he realizes that he has to move out. So to make it more livable for you interact with him according to the 180 (see the link in my signature block below). Basically pretend he does not exist.

Do you have a job? If so, what percentage of the joint income do you earn?

Do you have a joint bank account with him?
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