Re: 35 Male and I am a wreck
OK Liam - needless to say you are handling this completely wrong because you are in the wrong mindset.
Lets start with the basics.
She is a liar and a cheat - you are not!
You caught her - she did not come clean on her own. If you had not caught her this would be going on right now.
When you caught her she tried to take it underground. She is not remorseful and I highly doubt she thinks the POSOM is dangerous. Probably thinks he is a regular POS that wanted to and got in her pants and lets face it, she enjoyed it. Enough to want to divorce you.
Staying together just for the kid is not a good choice - the kid will sense how miserable your marriage is.
You are on the road to mending yourself and recovering, don't let her derail you.
You shouldn't be "buying" anything from her, or even trying to mend your marital faults until you have resolved this issue. Bad marriage could be attribute to you both 50:50 but cheating is 100% on her and you should not accept any blame for the infidelity. If she tries to lay any of the blame on you again, make sure she understands this.
She should be bending over backwards with giving you (not selling you) her phones, being completely transparent and proving in actions not words that she is truly remorseful and has empathy with what you are feeling before you should even begin to consider R - else this is over and you should be separating finances, talking about custody and getting on with your life. You are nowhere near that now.
If you handle this badly aka rugsweeping, you can expect worse further down the line - heck you cannot be sure that this is her first rodeo. When you realise just how little truth you actually know you will demand a polygraph and will have the both of you STI tested. You will expose this affair. And to add impact (just so that she sees how serious you are) get the kid DNA tested.
You need to reclaim your balls and start delivering real consequences for her actions and truly getting yourself out of infidelity. Do the 180 to help you heal your mind.
Lawyer up and file - now. If things by some miracle improve later you can always call off the D. Let her see you being serious and following through.
BTW who is the POSOM ? Destroy his world too!
This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause