Been married almost five years with a kid turning almost two. Second marriage ended seven years ago due to personality differences. Current marriage was a rocky stsrt, debts, unemployment, failed business and I thought I met an angel who helped me rebuild my life with some success now.
There months back my wife who is 32 disappeared for a couple of hours and came back saying she wanted a divorce. It has been a downward spiral since.
I had just finally found a decent paying job and taken over some expenses and on the road to feeling like a man again after feeling useless for so long.
Her reasons where that she finally realised I was a deadbeat and had been emotionally absent.
Last month I discovered she has been confiding over IM with another man, gone to his house and worked over divorce papers with him.
She denies doing anything other than that but last week admitted to having sex but not finishing the deed. In between she had made commitments to NC with OM but continued to remain in contact. I only found out because i put an app on her phone but she diligently turned off or muted notifications from him and gps so all I got were key logs, and address book entries which showed she frequently added his number back each morning I left the house for work and whenever she felt it was safe to talk to him. It led me to another phone she kept in secret in another room in the house. I was infuriated when i found it and she kept denying the phone was hers. I left the house in a huff and she got hurt in the process as tried to restrain me from leaving.
I tried to talk to her since. It's been a week. I took the week off work since i could no longer focus on work by this time. She admitted to the infidelity but retracted her admission at having had sex claiming she admitted to it to push me into divorce. She has had a lawyer working on it for three weeks by now and all the while she has been telling me my faults were bigger than hers and thence why she felt she didn't do anything major and she wanted out of the marriage.
During this time she acted normally at home as if nothing has happened while i turn into an emotional wreck. I couldn't get a straight answer to the question of whether she wanted to try make things work, bringing up issues of embarrassment with my family (who knows the details) and her family (who side her when she got injured)
She has tried to reassure me that she is in NC with OM after i laid out what i knew about him and his behaviour which was dangerously close to sexual grooming and power tripping. But before that she made the same commitments but broke them but claimed it was before i explained to her what i had found.
She came to me yesterday while i was trying to find private time and space to rebalance before going back to work. And cried it out with me, and explained if we wanted it to work i had to be emotionally present and supportive with her and our child. I told her that i had stood by my commitments and not broken a single promise while she had yet to stick to hers.
She swore she had since my last talk to her about OM and out of fear of what he was doing kept to NC. And was willing to work it out through the counselling set up by our state agency as part of divorce proceedings and wanted to give us a sort of probationary period.
I keep relieving the moments in time i learnt about the affair and suffering thoughts that she is still talking to OM but evidence says otherwise. She has no hidden apps on the phone and has kept it open to me for some time.
How do i regain the lost trust and overcome what i recognise to be ptsd? What can i expect moving forward?
There months back my wife who is 32 disappeared for a couple of hours and came back saying she wanted a divorce. It has been a downward spiral since.
I had just finally found a decent paying job and taken over some expenses and on the road to feeling like a man again after feeling useless for so long.
Her reasons where that she finally realised I was a deadbeat and had been emotionally absent.
Last month I discovered she has been confiding over IM with another man, gone to his house and worked over divorce papers with him.
She denies doing anything other than that but last week admitted to having sex but not finishing the deed. In between she had made commitments to NC with OM but continued to remain in contact. I only found out because i put an app on her phone but she diligently turned off or muted notifications from him and gps so all I got were key logs, and address book entries which showed she frequently added his number back each morning I left the house for work and whenever she felt it was safe to talk to him. It led me to another phone she kept in secret in another room in the house. I was infuriated when i found it and she kept denying the phone was hers. I left the house in a huff and she got hurt in the process as tried to restrain me from leaving.
I tried to talk to her since. It's been a week. I took the week off work since i could no longer focus on work by this time. She admitted to the infidelity but retracted her admission at having had sex claiming she admitted to it to push me into divorce. She has had a lawyer working on it for three weeks by now and all the while she has been telling me my faults were bigger than hers and thence why she felt she didn't do anything major and she wanted out of the marriage.
During this time she acted normally at home as if nothing has happened while i turn into an emotional wreck. I couldn't get a straight answer to the question of whether she wanted to try make things work, bringing up issues of embarrassment with my family (who knows the details) and her family (who side her when she got injured)
She has tried to reassure me that she is in NC with OM after i laid out what i knew about him and his behaviour which was dangerously close to sexual grooming and power tripping. But before that she made the same commitments but broke them but claimed it was before i explained to her what i had found.
She came to me yesterday while i was trying to find private time and space to rebalance before going back to work. And cried it out with me, and explained if we wanted it to work i had to be emotionally present and supportive with her and our child. I told her that i had stood by my commitments and not broken a single promise while she had yet to stick to hers.
She swore she had since my last talk to her about OM and out of fear of what he was doing kept to NC. And was willing to work it out through the counselling set up by our state agency as part of divorce proceedings and wanted to give us a sort of probationary period.
I keep relieving the moments in time i learnt about the affair and suffering thoughts that she is still talking to OM but evidence says otherwise. She has no hidden apps on the phone and has kept it open to me for some time.
How do i regain the lost trust and overcome what i recognise to be ptsd? What can i expect moving forward?