I've "Let Him Go" but he won't leave me alone!
What do you do when you finally decide to let your cheating spouse go, told them to go have their affair with the OP and that you are done, yet they won't let go of you?
I have been dealing with this affair for almost 3 years now. I hung on as long as I could, but the pain was too much to bear. I finally told him to " just go, go be with her." Yet he refuses to go...He spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with me and the kids, while she spent it with her family.His excuse is that he wants to be around his children during the holidays. I told him to find another place to live or take the kids to her house. He refuses to find another place to live or take the kids to her house because he knows our teens won't go to her house. Then he starts crying. I am so sick of seeing this grown man cry over something he started.
I am surprised the OP takes his measly scraps that he dishes out to her. He has never spent any holidays with her and she still hangs on. I want him gone. I have cut off sex with him a long time ago and now he says, "well how am I supposed to work it out with you if you won't sleep with me, I have to get it some where (referring to sex with OP)...I'm a man, I have needs. So that is his justification for continuing the affair.
I asked him not to buy me anything for Christmas as I did not feel like it was a Christmas with each other. So he ended up spending over $1000 on me, and then just put our kids names on everything. He acts like he loves me, but refuses to give up OP. I am tired of this, my health is now suffering. I have had 2 AFib attacks now with my heart. I didn't have this until after his affair started. Drs. are watching me carefully to see what causes these heart flutterings. I just want this to be over...I keep telling him to go...go be with her and he just won't go.
I have done the 180 and I feel like it backfires on me...In fact he says that the way that I am (180 style, although he doesn't know what it's called) is the reason he started an affair with someone, cause I was too busy doing other things.
I tried to use the whole reverse babble thing on him last night because he kept saying, "you don't even want me" and I said "you're right I don't want you". Not sure if that was effective cause he took off today to go see OP.
It's a New Year and I want to just end it all with him. I don't think he is going to change. All the 180's , NC, even flirting with another man in front of him, doesn't work. The whole flirting with another man made him jealous and then he started to stalk me, check my phone while I was sleeping,he broke into my email...and checkes on my whereabouts all the time now. Yet it didn't make him realize he could lose me, it didn't make him say "Oh wait, I do want to work this out with you, I do want to go to MC"...it just keeps him where he's always been.
He told me after Jan. 1st that he is going to pack up all his stuff and leave. I said, "and when you leave, you know that this is it, it will be over" and all he says is "whatever".