You can say that again but you still love her and you care for your Marriage. I am not saying this is a bad thing. It really shows me what kind of man you really are. I only wish your Wife sees the same and maybe tries harder for you.
Having sex with her is normal,she is still your Wife so enjoy it
. I will only say to be careful because they sometimes use sex as a weapon. Maybe this is her way to say she is sorry or she is trying to connect with you. On other hand maybe she is trying to play with your emotions. Only she knew the real answer.
A lot of us told you to Divorce her because she never took the full blame for her actions. Not to mention her behaviour with Friends,Colleagues,Family and all lies she told you.
If she starts acting like a good wife and do the right things THEN you can think about Reconciliation.
Stay strong my Friend.
yeah, during the "hysterical sex" stage i did feel the love, anger, anguish, physical pleasure, mind-movies all mixed-up. i was crying inside wanting to shout-out and choke the hell out of her, but at the same time i felt the old bond and connection i had for her. it was crazy! and you know what the crazier part is?....she was crying when we had our first "hysterical sex".
but now, all i feel is the physical pleasure. yes, i do feel good and connected somehow whenever we had sex, perhaps there's still some love left in me somewhere. but i'm finding it harder and harder to feel that love as days went by.
yeah, i think the way we handled things after "d-day" and how it unfolded between us extiguished whatever love that's left in me. now i feel BLANK.
I disagree. Sex is natures way of creating emotional bond. He needs to disengage from her so that he can make a decision based on sound logic
Moving out is a good way to disengage, but you really do need to talk to a lawyer
yes, i was aware of this. i was afraid i might fall into her "trap" that's why i attempted to stop it. but then i just thought to myself "...ok, if you want sex, i'll give it to you. but i'm just going to use you. i know what you did and what kind of a woman you are. i have no respect for you..." somehow this line of thinking worked for me. i just bang her and "enjoy" myself.
I think someone told her, or she read, that the longer you go without sex to make\keep the bond after infidelity, the more you will detach, and the more likely it is that this will end in divorce.
She is desperately trying to keep the odds in her favor. Which in and of itself is not a bad thing. It depends on intention and remorse.
yes, i also think she's using sex to cling-on to whatever hope she has to keep me from leaving for good. but i can tell you it's not working on me. the opposite is happening...the memories of the love i once felt for her is fading more and more everyday.
Originally Posted by Todd Haberdasher View Post
On the other hand, going without sex for a long time can make a man desperate and it is way less work to have sex with an existing partner than to put yourself out there and risk it with someone new. Clearly she hasn't thought of that lol.
yup, i'm a man...and i need sex. :-)
Do not engage in any sort of physical intimacy with her, not even a hug. If you do that she would have no reason to change, she would assume that she still has you wrapped around her fingers and can use sex to pull you back in to the mess she has created. She will use sex as a weapon, as a tool to manipulate you, when you will have sex with her she would try to establish an emotional bond with you making it harder for you to detach. Its not easy in fact next to impossible to have sex with her without having emotions, she has been your wife for so long, you will have problems detaching if you continue the physical intimacy, i repeat again- not even a hug, just a polite smile would do.
Also don't have sex with her for your own emotional safety, from your posts I feel you still have trouble detaching and physical intimacy would make it even harder.
There is a third reason why you should not have sex with her or even hug her, to make her aware of the fact that you can survive without her. Right now your wife thinks your moving out is a temporary thing and you are bound to come back and she really has no reason to change herself because she would have no consequences for her actions. You have to make the consequences evident for her, for a woman that usually happens when the man who loves her refuses to touch her, that would indeed shock her. This would give you some power over the whole dynamic, think about it.
All the best
thanks for the advice. but i have given-up the hope that she'll change. i realized NOBODY CAN CHANGE ANYBODY. sex or no sex, change would have to come from within her. deep and meaningful changes. i guess one of the reasons i had a hard time moving-out is because at the back of my mind, things will change....she will TRULY change. but i don't see it happening at this point. IT WAS SO PAINFUL that whatever hope and love i had for her had vanished. i guess the "man" in me finally prevailed. i was having sex with her just for sex, and at last i was able to move out.