i've been also reading many threads in this forum. it's not that i'm gloating or something but i somehow find it relieving that i am not alone. i'm a bit surprised that cheating is very common. i mean i'm aware of these things. i even joked about this issue among my buddies, but when i was the one put on the spot, i was shocked to the core. i just can't believe it!
i don't like to judge others but what is it really going on inside the minds of people who cheated? are they basically good people who made wrong choices? i mean all of us make mistakes. is there a character flaw that can or can't be changed? i don't understand...
yes, FEAR - i think i am afraid of what's ahead after all of these. reading about the experience of StillSearching made me think harder...
There are common elements with all cheaters but cheaters are not all the same.
Without more of a back story on your wife, her infidelity, how long, how it was discovered and who it was with as well as some of your history, it is hard to determine some answers to your questions.
Good people are tempted but don't.
Bad people are tempted and do.
At some point, your wife became a disgusting human being. The reasons won't be good, why she chose to prostitute herself like a cheap piece of ass or give up the dignity of the title of wife and mother for that of a s*** for some married piece of crap.
But she did choose to become and do all that.
You should seek to work on yourself because I do not sense you are ready to handle this in a healthy way yet.
Can you get some distance from her for a while?
You need some peace and goodness for a while and leave the hard stuff until you can breathe without pain.
Give us a history and back story with the aforementioned details and we can probably help you better.